Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hello!

I am almost on the verge of giving up. Nothing seems to be working between us anymore. Even after daily patches and sorries, me and my hubby are fighting over small trivial matters the very next day. I hate to say this but I don’t think this relationship is working out. I really don’t know what the solution is. I have probably have tried whatever is possible- may be its just me who is not up to my husband and his family’s standard. Okay, I know this all might be sounding a lot confusing so just to clear up the matter here are instances, which might explain a bit more.

Last few weeks have been hard. And just not to spoil the matter further, I am watching myself before saying anything. I don’t voice my opinion even I am asked to coz if I have a difference of opinion- I might come up as a –ve person (this is just coming from the past). After a hectic day at work, all I look forward to see my hubby and have nice words with him. I see him the only soul who could make me feel relaxed and comfortable when I reach home and be what I am. However as soon as I reach home, he is usually busy with his parents or pick up other chores and don’t devote any time with me except for the fact he says hi. All in all we just get 10-15 mins to talk that too on the phone when we are on way to work respectively. Again, I do feel neglected and I understand that this is just a temp phase and soon, we will have time with ourselves when my in-laws will go back to India. In return, if there are some special matters to discuss, I take emails as a route (my purpose remains to reach my husband which I find difficult otherwise). This is not decently taken either. He feels that those 10-15 mins are enough to discuss things and it’s just me who feels that we have a communication gap. Email is not a good route to follow between husband and wife. I understand that men don’t think the way we women do, and they don’t see that we women need attention to feel emotionally stable. But if I am trying to help myself in filling up the comm. Gap (which I feel we do have), is that wrong? It appears I am literally begging him to give me attention and try to make my presence felt in his life. Though it appears hard for me, I am struggling to overcome such thoughts too. But matter doesn’t stop here. He now picks up a fight/ heated discussion over small lil things that I do or say. If he asks me an opinion on something (eg: I think I would go with this medicine, what say?), and I say “you do whatever appears best to you”, he complains that even though I say that, my behavior while saying is –ve towards him. He feels I frown at him.

All these issues have broken me internally. After talking to other friends, I feel better and decide everyday “today I won’t let any discussion happen” and I would try to make things happy and cheerful back again, but I fail. I really don’t see any direction today. I try to be logical, but my limit gets exhausted easily now and I give up. I have also stated him recently that if he wants to be free, he is free from my side coz things are not rolling smooth. If that would make him happy, so be it. I love him a lot and I can’t see him in pain either. He is a good human and I know for sure, probably its just me who is not getting adjusted. May be I am expecting a lot as a wife? He says he cares and love me too.

I feel totally as a stranger in the house now- where I don’t get any support from my hubby forget alone his family. I want a friend, my soul mate not a hostel mate. I feel stranded today where i cant even go back to my parents or anyone among my family as I don’t want to bother them as well. Do we have a way? Seeing a marriage counselor would be a good advice, however I don’t see the counselors here would understand our issues properly coz of cultural indifferences and I have goggled on the web and don’t see any Indian counselors around.

I really wish that you reply to this post as soon as possible. I don’t want to end up having a weekend which is full of stress again. fd replied. well things take up such turn when u also want to pursue your career and ur husband is also busy man and then he is also devoted to his family.....giving little time to you both.

How are ur inlaws? if u guys dont get time during the weekdays, why dont u make plans for weekends ...go for movies, go to some of ur friends place, just hangout and have coffee or go at night for a drive....make some efforts when u are out of house....maybe it might work out. Talk to ur common friend .

After marriage both has to adjust but it is more for the girls who have to adjust....so just give some time as ,he is nice and u love him.

Maybe,go on a holiday....and if nothing works go to a counsellor.

All the best ash replied. By reading your story I came to the following conclusion.

My dear friend , this kind of similar story is very common in the couples where both are working.

Tell me honestly is it really necessary for you to work. All this problem is happening only because you are working.

If you want your husband back into your soul and mind then you have to quit your job. Now its up to you whether you want money or husband in your life. A person never gets every thing in his/her life baby. Thats why we are different from God . God has everything , but we humans have to leave something to get another thing .This is fact...............


Start cooking food of your husbands like, talk about the topics of his likes, e.g. if he is interested in cricket that watch cricket and you also express the same feeling as he is showing while watching cricket....and stuffs like this.

Two persons same feelings , thats how the bonds develop.

You believe it or not , you are facing all this problem because you are not the housewife.

I have lots of friends , the mothers of all of them are housewives, my friends have never complained that their have been any fights among their parents over anything .Both parents are very happy with their life. Same in my house also.


Same problem like yours was happening with my cousin sister who got married a couple of years ago. But , when she left her job, and devoted her full in caring her in laws and husband , her husband stopped fighting and takes care of her more than before..................

All the best

ASH