Relationships  Discussion Forum

My married, childless sister-in-law is likely to visit us in USA for a couple of months if she gets her visa and i am totally upset about it !!
Years ago when my brother had invited me to visit abroad (when i was in india), my husband had no money to take up expenses even partially....and since my brother was taking up the whole financial load, my husband had gracefully denied....i had to deny to my brother. That time, my husband , even for the sake of it, did not even once show the magnanimity to say that at least i should go if that would make my brother happy....anyway, i was not to go without my hubby, but still he failed to rise to that level of large heartedness. My brother, till date, regrets that we did not come despite of his so much of insistance and missed the opportunity to go around Europe. Now, today, luck has favoured my husband and thr' his job prospects we've landed in US and hubby's uncle is sponsoring only my sister-in-law without her husband, very conviniently giving a reason that if both apply for visa, then sure US embassy won't grant it...so she is all ready to land here and her husband is ok with that...Neither is she so mature to refuse b'c her husband is not invited and nor does he mind that only she has been invited, not him and still if she comes, it's alright! Well...that's none of my business...what hurts me is that my husband is now jumping to recieve his sis and mentally preparing to take her all around and organize party for relatives and her to get together at our place...not only that, has already arranged for money (though tickets might be sponsored by his uncle) for her other expenses here !!!!
I don't know if i am justified in feeling so...but i am feeling bad, hurt, angry and sad...however, i still believe that my refusal to my brother due to my husband's financial limitations was still a correct step, and as a married female i did what i should have to maintain my husband's respect.....but my husband's failure to understand my pain of missing out that chance as the only sister of my only brother hurts me immensely. And i am literally praying that may his sis NOT get the visa so he gets to at least realize how my brother must have felt when i denied. I know, this is not healthy way to think, but i am a humanbeing, and it hurts being taken for granted! Please help me with this feeling of deep anger, hurt and being wounded....how to cope with it and take it calmly if she gets visa and comes down? I also wished secretly that may her hubby deny her coming here so that my hubby gets to feel what my brother felt years ago! I want to get away with this bitterness, but more i try, more i fail and burst into tears...help me !! I shall ever be grateful.... rimi replied. Kittu,
Ur bitterness is totally understandable.Try to follow whatever di bh has said.
Its very difficult to get visa but if ur SIL gets it and if her hubby allows her to go ,be strong and see to it that you do not end up feeling miserable during her stay....don't be rude to her during her stay in front of ur hubby but at the same time don't go out of ur way to be sweet to her too.Hope this helps....All the Best to u and hope ur wishes come true... di bh replied. Hey i understand your pain.So as much as it is a fact you cant deny that u are feeling bad about the change in behaviour for u and your sil from your husband. Dont worry.Wait till she finishes her interview.And if at all she comes to US,dont take any nonsense from her.You know i was nice to my sil when i met her or on chat . She is the decision maker in my in laws house.I live in US she is in india with my in laws.But after 1 yr of being nice to her. She tried to poison my husbands mind against me. the issue was nothing. My husband had lost his job and i helped him find one by searching for jobs and replying to his mail everything. But she screamed at my husband when he had started his new job that he shud send me back.it was like we had some tension in b/n us.So instead of resolving it she said send your wife back. her only intention is i am not in US why shud my brother and his wife be. But just to prove that the whole family listens to her. and she also told him either i shud come back or she will come to my house here. That was it i told my husband she shud never step into my house here.if she does i will separate from him. he understood and told her off. SILs tend to be more dominating as they feel the brothers wife doesnt deserve anything so shudnt get any care and good treatment and love from husbands.So try to be strong if your sil will come here and dont take anything from her.Otherwise u will be a nervous wreck by the time she leaves.Best of luck.