Relationships  Discussion Forum

Iam married for 10yrs and have a lovely daughter.My husband is mostly on tours but whatever time he gets he tries to give us.I live with my MIL and my husbands elder brothers family.since the past 10yrs these three people have not left a single opportunity to humiliate me and my child a kind of mental torture i can say.i try to ignore their comments but sometimes it really hutrs like once my daughter was suffering from chickenpox and had very high fever but these three were partying forget about even inquiring about my child.when my motherinlaw has some work to be done she comes to me and then she changes her behaviour like a chamelion.On being treated like this for so many years i have developed this anxiety problem.I feel tired and exhausted daily and iam not able to even look after my daughter nicely.i have learnt driving twice but still i dont have the guts to drive independently because once my MIL had commented that you cannot drive well be careful you might bump into other peoples car.i know by not attempting to do anything iam doing wrong but i cannot overcome it.i have put on weight i plan that i will exercise from tommorrow but that day never comes.i dont have friends because my MIL aand SIL bitch around in our area about me.i dont take my daughter out because i feel very tired i feel very hopeless when my daughter sits quitely with nothing much to do apart from her studies.iam scared to sign a document,go to some office,drive a car,meet number of people.i try to avoid situations i just dont find guts but later i repent too,still the next day is the same another failure,i have no body to share my feelings cajole replied. hi chitrangada......
i got to ask u one ques .....10 years is pretty long time to be with in laws. if ur hubby is taking so much pain in tours and all for a good earning.. why dont u think about having ur own home like m a workig woman ...mother of 1 yr old kid ..All the bro and sis (whether marr or unmarr) live together with their kid and spouses. Life is so fr ustrating for me i hav to get up early all washing and cleaning n cooking for such a mass geting ready for ofce get back in the evening thn again kitchen i get free from kitchen around 10-11 pm my kid is abs'tely tired and cries for sleeping (most of the time she is overtired bcoz no proper rest in the daytime) i let her sleep and my husband after a hectic day sleeps. so whr i myself stand in my life working as if i m senseless machine no fun nobody to talk to no entertainment nothing ...Sundays are like hell for me ..doing work completely as my in laws need rest on sunday ..
but very soon m shifting to my home ..By the grace of GOD we are looking for place to built our own home ..whole process wud take around 1 year ....becoz wat i have perceived tht living in a joint family kids never indulge in studies ..everytime thr is sum1 to talk or play with and i have few dreams for my kid.
As for yr anxiety yoga wud do a magic read some good books..if not possible read some good columns in daily news paper plus have a good bath whenevr u hav time as myself being so busy i miss all that homemade ubtans. matlab do something fo ryrself yaar u hav got only one life nobody knows wat wud happen to u n me after that ....do share with me if u need bye ..... friend replied. I agree with Sangini

About your mil and family problems - it happens with all of us yaar. What to do, take it as part of life and ignore.

Your confidence issues (car driving etc) : When you can raise a kid to this age and be a successful mother, is there anything in this world you cant achieve? Isnt being a good mother difficult? When u can do that, rest things are too small in its comparison.

Dont let the thought come to your mind that u cant do it.

Yoga : Find some time to get trained on Yoga and start doing it at home. Both asans and things like Pranayaam, Omkar, meditation. It has wonderful effects, it ll give u confidence, peace of mind, more concentration, remove anxiety. Also get ur kid involved its good for her too.

A story: I hv an elderly friend in my hometown, into her 40s. When i visited the town, met her, she told me this.

She has 2 wonderful kids, hubby mostly on tour. She is thin and beautiful. She says she wasted her 30s in family issues, kids work, housework etc and dint enjoy life. Today she is suffering from hypertension and takes medicines, has diet restrictions (she is not fat, she used to do housework so she felt she dint need exercise). Her beauty is gone. She says, enjoy the time u hv in hand.

Dont wait for a big happiness to come. Enjoy the small happy moments u hv today. Tomorrow might be too late.

friend sangini replied. You know my freind the most important thing in life are children and our self esteem, i am sorry to say but u are not taking care of both, don't take me wrong but you know how much are you harming your selfesteem and even your daughters self esteem, she is at such a tender age where her base is being built and this is the time when she will learn if she sees u as a such a in-confident and weak person who are giving her a very very wrong message, you when you have to suffer personally then its tolerable but when it comes to chidren stand and make way... be confident start going out take her to market play with her you will also loose wait be her best freind if she doesn't have any , or aren't you earning so that you can afford to stay saperate so that she can make freinds its abnormal not to have freinds at this age and even for you, you should be having soem freinds to sahre yours joys and sorrwos and who can tell you what to do, but any how for the moment pickup the car today and start driving and now if your MIL says anything tell her it is none of her business you are the who will pay for it, take you girl out don't let that girls innocense and dreams die at this age... and there are a few questions i want to ask you as you have not mentione this..
1) is your husband on tour job or is he working away from you all as from how you have mentioned your situation seems like your hubby is never around.
2) are you working or you educated enough to take up a career i know you will say 10 yrs iam a house wife but believe me time makes no difference when you can put post on the site means you are capable and your english seems to be could get your self-esteem adn confidence back look for job if your hubby says soemthing tell him i can't sit at home and moreover its will help finacially and believe me see the difference in the attitude of your MIL and others if not full day take up something during the hours your daughter is not at home and if you all are financially sound then start cahnging the way of living enjoy and make freinds develop hobbies.
3) where are your parents you didnot mention where are they.
4) does your hubby know of this situation you are in what is his reaction.
MY FREIND CHANGE TODAY RIGT NOW RIGHT THIS MINUTE IF you can't mae overnights changes atleast make cahnges to the situation which are under your control and moreover i may tell you go and do this and that but it is only you who know what you are going through but soem changes are in our hand and only require a little effort please do that and you will see many things for your daughter and you will cahnge you are a lucky woman who has a daughter who is 10 she can be your best freind and you can be hers don't depress her by sharing your agony she will mature fast don't ruin her childhood but make hera partner to bring joys to your life and hers tooo.

BEST OF LUCK