Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am sure many of us are in the same boat. I am a married NRI woman. As a typical NRI, we have learnt to become independent in our lives, in taking decisions, in solving problems. After some years of staying abroad, its actually getting difficult to \";adjust\"; with our own people back home. OK, when we visit them on vacations, its fine. We do adjust. but what happens in the long run? We have now realised that our relatives attitude are also slowly changing towards us. They have become very critical of us.. saying we are \";foreign returned\"; Fine, fine.. but what do we do when we actually have to shift to India? This is bound to happen for many NRIs at some stage. For those who have already shifted to India, are you staying with inlaws? If so, please advise me on how to cope up the day to day pressures . Or when you shift, do you stay seperately ? We are really confused on this issue. It wil look real bad and messy if we first live together with inlaws as soon as we shift and then after much problems, moving out. Rather, I would like to plan our move to India in such a way, so that my inlaws and we can be happy to the max extent possible. Please advise me. Ritika replied. I would suggest that you stay separately when you move to India.

As it is, you (and your kids if you have any) will have a lot of adjustment to make...on top of that if you have in-law differences (that are bound to crop up), that will just add to your stress levels.

Even if you move to the same city, make it clear that you will have your own house (call it investment etc if you need to justify staying separately)..also be prepared for a lot of emotional blackmail from the in-laws side on this issue...keep your answers ready and be firm once you have told them your decision.

Staying together is all fine and dandy if people respect their boundaries..but that rarely happens as people forget to respect that..they start trying to control other people's behavior and relationships..which leads to all kinds of problems.

All the best! Meethi replied. Hi....i believe, a lot depends on your priorities! If you have certain,very clear priorities for coming back to india,then rest of the issues you should be able to work out,may be gradually,if you are focussed enough on your primary goals!Yes, i completely agree that it is nothing else but challanging,but if you are able to go through it with a calm,planned,focussed and composed mind it will indeed be an experience which will help you grow as a humanbeing on the whole in a longer run!
If you want to avoid staying with in-laws, seek job in another city and keep maintaining cordial relations...DO NOT discuss this with hubby, however nice,understanding he may be, but won't be able to turn down his parents and will feel sandwiched between two sides!!! And THAT will further spoil things for you.
If you have to stay with in-laws,seek a job or at least some occupying,fulfilling activity on a regular basis that will give you lot of space to be in touch with yourself and keep your mental balance and sanity.DO NOT SIT AT HOME!!! Get active as early as you can. Yes,4 yrs gap may have lowered your prospects but sure you are worth some or the other thing....keep looking for openings,possibilities and GET GOING. i repeat,DO NOT sit at home for a single extra day. Good luck and keep faith that things will be nothing but only bright for you. Wishing you very happy home-coming..... padhu replied. Hi vaishali,
yes, as you said it is very difficult to adjust back in our Home country even though we are born and brought up there.There are so many things which we have to adjust
The question of staying with your inlaws is in your husbands hands.most of the hubbys are very dear to their parents and doesnt want to live seperately...We,DILs have to adjust for everything..
If your In-laws are bossy,dominative and where there is no understanding between DIL & MIL, then life will be really challenging...You can cope up to some extent if u take up a job..otherwise,each and every small thing ends up in mis understanding and you know the end result...!!!!!
If you live seperately it is very well and good where you can enjoy your own freedom like taking care of kids,cooking what ever you want.shopping,setting up your home etc as you were doing it in abroad.You can visit your In-Laws or they can visit you every week end..\" This is possible if everyone co-operates\" (Your hubby,Your In-laws)It is better idea
to find a job in different city from your in-laws place,if you want to live seperately.
But if the in-laws are really GOOD, then there is no problem at all.(I guess this is very very RARE)
I lived Abroad for more than 4 years and when we came here,i found very difficult to cope with my in-laws because of their nature.I tried to find a job but due to the break of 4 years it is very difficult.Things are getting worst..It was better atleast when we lived far away..
My sincere advice- think twice before coming here,if you really need Privacy.If you are brave enough to face anything then think about settling here.. indiandil replied. phoren - Polite
Equivalent word in India - bakra

phoren - if you hold the door open for the person behind, you get acknowledged plus he holds it for the next person

India- You hold door for somebody, you land up holding door for life until you get angry and bang it on somebody's face

phoren - Husband and wife stay separately, it means they are grown up and independent

India - Wife is a witch who separated a conjoint family and her parents are @!@$#@%$%$^%&%^