Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi friends, thanks so much for your suggestions.As you all said that i must just do my duties and not bother much about the negative feelings my MIL has.yesterday it was her birthday and i had organised a small party for her by giving her a surprise.she had no idea what was going on i called all her friends made food,cake etc.in the morning when i let out the surprise to her after wishing her she just blasted off.according to her it was a most disorganised way of celebrating a function and that i should have informed her much ealier so that she could call all her relatives also..and you dont know how to organise a party so on...when all her friends turned up and appreciated the way everything was done,she said yes it was me(MIL) who was slogging since morning and doing things and she had asked me to call her friends.she was happy during the party and after it was over she did not have the courtsey to say thanks or that she had enjoyed instead she was appreciating the gifts which she received.I know that one should not expect praises after doing something but atleast that person should not be humiliated.It hurts i feel all my efforts are worthless Dia replied. Something v similar happened to me too...i threw a party and instead of thanks and acknowleding my efforts..i was critzied. I was devestated. I'm a happy go lucky kinda person and I got seriously depressed after that.

Moral of the story: be nice to people...but don't bend fwd and backwards to make them happy. Do only so much that if they don't say thanks u won't feel bad.

I have realised that there r these set of people who how much every u do things..it will be never right or good enough. Poeple like that can even sit and critize Gandhiji if they want..so we r just ordinary human beings.

U'r MIL looks like someone who will always say something negative in whatever u do..so why bother and put u'r self through that torture. Just live u'r life. Be civil with her...and try to be happy in u'r life

Take care shayna replied. I have just one thing to say ,don't try too hard to please people,they only feel all the more important and start using that to belittle the pleaser.
I have been there done that and believe me when I say that none of these things work.
I went into depression and lack of self confidence and a complete breakdown of trust in myself and in others.
Then something happened my hubby got a new job in another state and things started changing,you won't believe this but she even tried to stop my husband from taking me with him giving no reasons or logic,my husband was firm this time and with his help I started coming out of the pain and mental torture.
Oh when I had to study for my interviews and written tests she would keep the stereo just outside my room and blast it away in full volume and assign work to me.I used to do it silently without saying a word and by the time I would get a free time to study I was too tired.End result I have no work experience.
Today I am a bit more bold and outspoken and also seen that with this nature my mil tries to not mess with me much nowadays.
SO please stop pleasing people esp your mil and try to be happy and positive.Respect her but don't wash her feet with your goodness.
If she is good be good but when she abuses you simply retort.Learn to say a NO when you want to say a NO.
This Karma varma is all nice ,I read somewhere a little story,
Once a very depressed and abused soul died and went to heaven ,in heaven he also met the people who had abused him in his path of life.
This man went to God and asked him why he did that and how could all these tormentors be in heaven when all he did was to be good and never talk back and never say a bad word while all these people tormented him.
God told him that I gave u life and you must use it wisely but never depend on me for help thinking that these people would go to hell,They have done certain good things in life and stood for themselves.You need to go back to earth and live your life in balance,stand up for yourself when the need arises you need to go back to remove the negativity in your life that you acquired .And he was sent back to earth to relive his life and remove the negativity.

I hope you get my drift.I am not asking you to yell at her or start a swordfight,but this is exactly how people end up being bitter in their lives and end up doing the same things to othet people.Only stand up for yourself.You might not get it right the first time,she will make you very guilty but as time goes by you will feel good about yourself. prathvi replied. Hey ..you don't have to feel guilty for her not being happy.you should feel haapy you tried your best to make her happy.if she is complaining & not happy it is her karma.you have done so much more than any average dil will do.