Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi friends,
I have gone through many of the postings here and felt really sorry and bad for many girls. Also I saw some very good tips and advice given to them to handle their problems. I thought I will also get some help from you people.
I am married for 1 and half year . I am 5 months pergnant now. To be honest , I dont have such a serious problem , I have a very nice FIL , a great person treats me like his own daughter , my MIL is bit crazy woman everyone knows about it and i was told before the marriage itself not to bother about her. She doesnt hurt me in anyways though , she is just irritating person thats all. My hubby is really very sweet and understanding. As me and my hubby work in the same office we do get enough time with each other and dont have any communication gap at all.
The problem is my SIL, she stays in the same city. she has been married for 5 years now and has a baby of 9 month old. She works in a small company , when ever she comes here she complains and cribs about her in laws and hubby and blames everyone in the family for getting her married to that guy. Initially I used to feel very bad for her and used to pray that things should workout fine for her.
Anyways, as per everyone in the family, she has an excellent taste in jewellery and dress/sarees (which i never felt though). And when ever i want to buy something , my MIL calls her and make sure htat she says ok to the kind of design and pattern i want to buy. Everyone thinks and even my hubby told me manytimes that i dont have good taste in dressing. I am not bad looking if not pretty and never bothered much about all these stuffs before marriage. Since i didnt know much of these things , and also i had good opinion abt my SIL , MIL i let them do my saree and jewellery selection. But so happened SIL is not so nice to me as I thought and have seen it clearly her behaviour changing when my hubby is there and when he is not there. Now I feel , I need to get hold my life myself. At the same time I dont want to hurt anyone and be rude to anyone.
I want to do my shopping myself , want to develop my own taste in fashion , dressing etc. Though I had tried it couple of times, my MIL talked a lot abt the saree i had bought and got it exchanged to the costlier one saying it looked cheap. SIL came as if she is taking so much pain for me and did a favor of selecting the saree for me and went back.
I felt very humiliated and very stupid, I work in a very good company and have good friend circle and no one ever commented anything -ve abt my taste so far. These days it started bothering me a lot thinking that what if tomorrow in front of my kid also they treat me like this ? As if I am good for nothing and cant do anything myself ? I want to give a try and see whether I can improve my taste. Can you people help me in this ?
thanks in advance di bh replied. Hey what u feel is right take charge before it is too late.Hey u wud want to wear what u feel like not what your SIL feels like.You are a smart intelligent working woman .You need to take control of your life. let not others run their likes on you.
I have been in same place. my husband is the youngest in the house and his sister is eldest in the house by many years. in fact she is exactly 10 years younger to my mom. When i was engaged she didnt have a say as she wasnt there when my husband saw me and said yes.otherwise she wudnt have left any stone unturned to see that i wudnt have married him .any way she brought such a useless saree for my engagement i started crying seeing that . I didnt say anything as i was only engaged not married. but i told my mom to tell my in laws that i will select my own sarees from their house to me in the wedding.the wedding was only 1 week after engagement so my mom insisted and i was taken along with my sil to select sarees. she tried to tell me to select hopeless sarees like my engagement saree so i called my hubby and said do u like this and brought what all i wanted.
and after coming to US and after 6 months i told my husband i hate my engagement sareee and to tell it to his family. my fil was very hurt he mentioned it to my dad as to its not a big deal only engagement sareee .but i have never worn that sareee again.
see you can mention it to your husband that u want to develop your own taste so wud like to shop by yourself. and ask for his opinion. if u like a saree tell him u like it and it will go well with jewellery he got u . slowly u can talk him into your taste and involve less of your sil. desi replied. hi,
i had a similar kind of case.i am youngest in the family and my sil is very fashionable.when i got married everyone compared me with her.i look good.infact i look better then my sil but everybody thought her dressing makes her more pretter then me.at one point even my hubby said this to me.i was pisst like u.and then whenever i got my dress or shoes i always made sure my husband is with me to select.and then everybody stop pointing fingure at me cause whenever they said oh this colour or partten is not good .i use to tell them go and talk to your son.he choose it for me.he said it will look good on me so he bought it.and there recation use to change immedialty.so best thing to do is go with your husband for shopping and let him choose for u.all the best. Friend replied. From what I understand, you have a picture perfect life and the problem that you have written about is something which could very easily understood & solved...
First thing ofcourse try to improve yourselves and your taste for garments & stuff slowly...This comes by observing /talking to different people whom you think are really good in this...now let that NOT be your SIL...ok?...Next, over come that inferiority complex that you have on yourselves that you do not have good taste..If you keep saying that again & again you can never come out of that 'ring'..It depends on your hardwork and sincerity to become better in those matters.good luck to you in that way...
Then lastly,Please please and again please don't ever let this start off a new problem in your family ....At this moment the truth is your MIL does not mean what she is doing and so is your SIL.(that is they both are not doing all this because they want to put you down & not trying to set up a bad image about you in front of your kids)...It is all in your hands and remember Don't let this spoil that picture perfect life you are blessed with.
Goodluck.