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My name is Sandhya married since the 23 years old & married since the last 7 months.My biggest problem is the behaviour of my father in law itself.I am like in a totally confused state of mind on to decide if he has anything wrong in his mind or no viewing his actions.My husband has lost his mother when he was only 14 since then ie the last 12 years he & his father had been staying together.After we got married it has been the 3 of us now living in the house.during the first 3 months of marriage my opinion that I had about my FIL was very nice.I used to infact always tell my mom & my friends about how loving & caring a person he was.It was only before 3 or 4 months that I started to see a strange kind of sexual attracion towards me.It started with him staring at my waist very often.I had see him doing so & then he wold quickly shift off his eyes.This happened very regularily but I never complained on that & contiued to behave very nicely with him.I had this habit of always touching his legs in the morning but then I stopped it soon as he had this ugly habit of always kissing my forhead & then hugging me which I totally disliked.It was once that we were going for a marriage & I was changing my saree inside & was searching for a pin.I came to the kitchen searching for it not actually caring about the fact that I was in my skirt & blouse as both my husband & his Father were in the hall.I just took the pin & on turing back found my FIL standing just next to me & staring at me as if he had seen some ghost.I got a jerk for a second & then he asked me was I coming with them like this.I just rushed inside giving him an embarassed half smile.The next day itself when I was cooking in the kitchen he came in & started to talk with me about is wife.I felt like very bad for him then.After some while he started to come a bit close just kept his hand on my waist looked at the stove & went out.I didnt understand anything then but then afterwards this thing started to become regular.He would always come around me when my husband was not there & caught hold of my stomach by moving his hands from inside my saree I would feel this very uncomfortable but just hold myself saying it would be over in a few seconds.But it only increased day by day.Then I started to slowly move his hands off or quickly changed my position.Not only that he used to ocasionaly even hold my waist when standing besides me in the presence of my husband.It was only when his hand movements on my stomach became really suspicious taht I decided to tell about this to my husband.He could beleive it in the first place & thought I was misunderstanding his love to be a sexual approach but then soon after he saw this once before his own eyes he was convinced.I also told this to a friend of mine.One day my husband took up this issue in front of my FIL who reacted in astonishment saying he had absolutely nothing as such in his mind & soon there was a huge arguement after that.It was after the first time that I got married there was a fight in my house.I just kept crying inside & didnt go to intefere.The next day I met my friend & told her the whole sequence of incidents & she said she found there was absolutely nothing wrong or sexual in whatever my FIL did.She said she felt so since my FIL didnt ever touch or even ried to look at any of my private parts & touching the stomach or so was absoltely OK.In my house it really took 3 to 4 days for things to cool down & my FIL behaviour started to look normal.Recently my FIL said he was having a headache & asked me if he could sleep on my lap.I did not object as I actually wanted him to start talking to me.He was facing my stomach so after some time I slowly covered my stomach moving my saree & he looked at me saying \";I havent seen anything new & I'm not an animal\"; & got up.I felt this very hurting but didnt say a word.it way yesterday that some of his friends & twice while intro he kept his hands aroud my waist.I did not mention this to my husband since now he talks to me very nicely.but my only fear is what if it starts again what do I do.Please tell me have you also experienced such kind of a thing & what you would have done if you were in my place.moreover have I done anything wrong by having told it to my husband which resulted in the whole problem. LA replied. Well touching your waist could be taken either way. It depends on how he touched it. Most of all, how it made u feel. Even if he meant nothing sexual, u could have seen it that way. And maybe even if you thought it was not sexual, he might have meant it that way - it's hard to tell what someones intentions are.

I would suggest that if you are uncomfortable with it, you should go directly to the source first and confront your FIL. You don't have to ask him what his intentions are because if they are sexual, he probably won't tell you that and if they are not then you will hurt his feelings greatly.

Now just tell him that you feel uncomfortable with his hand touching you at your waist. This will also hurt his feelings but you are doing it in private so if his intentions are good then you won't hurt his pride too much.

However if it doesn't stop then you should bring your husband into it again.

And I don't think him wanting to sleep on your lap made him look innocent. I could see if it was your own father or mother because they took care of you as a baby. Or even your siblings, husband or children but I don't think he is that close to you yet to behave that way.

But pls go with your instincts and do what you feel is right.

Good luck Shocked/Surprised replied. This is the most absurd issue i have come across. I have never heard of such a thing before. As far as i know,no MAN other than a HUSBAND can touch a woman after marriage. And no woman in her right senses will allow anybody else to touch her. So LADY,by what you have written either you are naive or VERY SMART(sleep on your lap,please don't give us this crap???)!!!! 4u replied. Read ur entire story and feel really bad.But u only gave him a chance to aggravate it.i mean the very first time when he misbehaved with u,the very moment itself u would have stopped him.
any way now whatever he says to do never give him a chance to touch ur body even 4 blessing.JUST SHOW HIM AND TELL HIM THAT U HATE HIM.DONT GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE 2TAKE ADVANTAGE OF U.
u havenot done anything bad by telling ur husband especially becoz he should certainly know what is going around with his wife when he is not around and the bad-nature of ur FIL.Otherwise if it got worsend and u would keep queit he would have certainly askd u in future y u didnt tell him and would think that u wer also equally interested.But ofcourse dont tell it to ur friends (especially) or parents becoz it may spread like fire evrywhere.

so dont show any sympathy in this regard 2 ur FIL.nevr give me another chance to do so.
all the best. saap replied. hey this is bad haapened with you. now u just do one thing donn talk with ur FIL. if he ask anything just answer him in yes or no.u just show him tht u hate him alot in ur act. this is the way u can secure urself. and if he want touch you u just tell him tht u donn like such stupid things.best of luck to you Just advice! replied. I understand your problem, What your FIL is doing is really unacceptable, but you do not know how to stop him.....

Firstly you should realise that you are the one who has to be strong and stop him. If you tell others - your husband, parents it will complicate the situation further....
You should realise that he is offending you and you can easily get away from him if you try. You should use words like \";I don't like this, Please don't touch me like that.\"; and just walk out of that room. The idea is to be very firm, but not rude. You are afraid of being disrespectful towards him- but you can say NO politely too, just stay firm.
Another thing to keep in mind is to say 'No' as soon as he starts to misbehave, because once he starts he gains confidence and it also becomes difficult for you to stop him.
All the best. ProblemSolver replied. Sandhya,
Never allow any other person other than your husband to touch you. Learn to say ...............NO.............
Next time when he tries to touch you tell him frankly that you do not like such acts from your father in law. Tell him that u never allowed your father or your brothers to touch you like that, then how could you allow your father in law to do so.
If he is do much interested in touching young girls then tell him to go to some discotheques where girls do not object touching them.
You can even tell him something like this if situation goes out of hand:- Ask your FIL that whether his mother allowed her FIL to touch her waist the same way he does to you or not?
As for sleeping in the lap, tell him there are enough pillow in the house to rest his head and ur lap is no the ultimate destination that he should look for.
Touching an adult lady, hugging her is illegal and no man can touch a girl except her head for blessings how much elder or senior he is.
If he ever hugs you, bring ur head in front at his shoulders from one side and your arms should keep your chest away from touching his chest. This is done because if somebody forcibly hugs a girl then she can push him away from front.
PROTEST Sandhya. Else people will make you fool. Old men who do not have a wife create the most nuisances ---a statistical report says this ans not me,
bye,
take care,
ProblemSolver r replied. Dear Sandhya,

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Please make it very clear to your FIL that you do not like this behaviour. Firstly, you are not imagining things. In these situations, you should always trust your instincts and believe in your self. It is a delicate situation because you have to build your husband's trust in you (since you are newly married) and slowly make him understand and believe what you are going through.

It is very important that you do not allow your FIL to touch you AT ALL. Not on the waist, or forehead or stomach or anywhere. IF you have to fall at his feet, you can do so without touching him. If there is an argument/misunderstanding, etc. do not feel bad for him and give up and let him come physically closse to you. People like him will use any excuse to emotionally blackmail you - like remembering his wife, or illness etc. You are young and remember that it is ok to feel sorry but you MUST separate that emotion from not being able to say NO to him (i.e. just because you are sorry for him does not mean you cannot say no to him). It is unfortunate that in India we are brought up never to say NO, but you must learn to do that. Be bold and brave and tell him to his face - when bullies and abusers like him realize that the opposite person is smart and brave and capable of handling things, they will back off. Remember bullies are cowards themeselves. Seek help in your Mom's family. Remember to not make another mountain from this - keep calm, keep your wits and think well. Try not to wear sarees - maybe wear salwars instead. You have to make him stop this.

I don't know of any FIL that goes around touching his DIL's belly, waist, etc.
Take care, my prayers and good wishes are with you. pearl replied. dear friend i read your all story and this is very shameful and what i actually feel is that he was checking your interest towards him ,you were not replying him positiveley thatsy he was trying again and again that may be you would also like to be involved with him confidentionallay,and not also this in my opinion may be he was living a normal life before his son,s marriage but after marriage of his son he is feeling like he is alone and now his inner feelings are coming out ,as you wrote that his wife passed out very early so i think he is feeling this alot now.
now,if he was not interested in you then why he was touching you again and again after knowing that you dont like his touchings?
sandhya talk to your husband again( if it is happening continuousally )that whatever his intentions are your husband himself dont like his touchings and not only this avoid him a bit (both of you)so that he would know that you and your husband doesn,t like it.and when you are infront of him do wear loose fittings .
best of luck .