Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hey, I am JointFamily.

Let us have some fun. Let us start a contest.

Give 3 positive things about your in-laws (pick one of in-laws who is bad with you!), preferably about mother-in-law. We will declare a winner on 10th December and will request a piece of advice from the person. Following is format. Some are your ratings, remaining are one-line answers. Unfortunately, my FIL, MIL, BIL, SIL are all good! So I can't submit.
Come on, this is fun. Submit your data! Can we have at least 10 entries?


FIL/ MIL/ SIL/ BIL:

His/her Education (Ex, Avg, Weak):

His/her attitude towards life(Ex, Avg, Bad):

His/her attitude towards you(Ex, Avg, Bad):

Why you hate him/her most:

Topmost positive thing:

Second best positive thing:

Third best positive thing:


JointFamily replied. Hey mitra, Rainbow, Sumathi

Thanks for your replies. You all must be cursing me not responding. Frankly, as you guessed, I cannot give any prize even if I wish to, we don't know each other. So idea was to make people think positive.

You all have thought positively with some varying degree and deserve appreciation. I personally liked mitra's posting. If her MIL reads the posting, she will start loving mitra like a daughter! Her MIL's complex is understandable. It is not easy to sail through life when not rich or beautiful when others around are like that. She is definitely very strong person then. There is a lot to learn from her.

My suggestion is for all of you to improve relationship with in-laws but not to invest your life's worth in doing that!

Well, we will meet again at some other postings. Thanks again and best luck.

JointFamily. JointFamily replied. Hello - Thanks those who wrote on this posting. I was waiting for more. Now, I will respond to this on this week-end.
Bye
JointFamily a contestant replied. Hey JointFamily
After seeing your last reply, I have a few questions.

1. You said you will give \";tricks to leverage the + and improve on - points\";. Well, I thought it was a contest and there will be a winner! Hopefully, these tricks is not the prize for the winner :-). Kidding. Anyways, I am assuming the 'winner' thing still holds true.

2. I thought there would just be a winner !? The 'tricks' thing was not expected!! Well, it is a pleasant surprise indeed, but there is an issue.
The contest had asked for '3 positives and what I hate most in my in-law(s)'.
I have entered all these things honestly. However, surprisingly, what I hate most in my MIL is not what is impacting her relationship with me/what problem i face with her.
Its good to see someone giving us the tips and tricks - i personally need them badly. So please keep this at the back of your mind till you are thru with collecting the entries. JointFamily replied. Hey - This is good response. Submit your response today. I will give you tricks to leverage the + and improve on - points.
Joint Family sumathi replied. FIL/ MIL/ SIL/ BIL:

His/her Education (Ex, Avg, Weak): Ex -My mil has sslc and she was working. Fil and Sil are highly educated.

His/her attitude towards life(Ex, Avg, Bad): Mil- avg. This is the one i hate the most. She self pities most of the times. She has everything, still complains and always looks sad. Lot of comparisons, which drives people away from her instead of evoking their sympathy. Very quite person, looks very peaceful from outside but always carries a worried look.
Fil is very social and friendly - Ex
Sil (bad) is the bad seed in our family. Severely lacks tolerance and her own relatives avoids her.

His/her attitude towards you(Ex, Avg, Bad): average. Could have been better if not for my sil. Fil - Ex. Sil - worst.

Why you hate him/her most:
First thing i hate in my mil is her fear to show the right path to her own daughter. If my mil was strong in teaching the right way to my sil, she would have been a different person. My sil has got bad reputations with her in-laws, aunts, uncles. Nobody visits her or invites her for any special occasions. My sil just has her fil and mil, no sil or bil. Still she couldn't adjust with her old parents-in-law. Since everyone isolates her, she is too much jealous of me, my relatives and my friends. Now my sil tries her best to spoil by husbands mind - complaining about lack of respect from my sibligns side. She wants us to have no contacts with my brothers and sister.
My mil knows my sil is misbehaving. Still she is afraid of her and doesn't advice her. On top of that, she also pities her and advices me to bear with all her ill treatments of me. Mil is a confused and timid soul. I can understand her lack of confidence, which could be due to her age.

Topmost positive thing:
Mil is workaholic. Inspite of facing all the problems from her daughter, she could accomplish all the important tasks timely. She manages all the paperworks herself. My fil is too old to help her. She maintains a big garden all by herself. She likes to learn more. If not for my sil, my mil would have been speding her retirement life in learning computers and socializing with friends. Now all her days goes in worrying about her daughter.

Second best positive thing:She keeps the house clean. Sometimes too obsessed with that. Because of this reason, there is no close interaction with relatives. She cannot be close to anyone and cannot trust anyone. Still she is a polite person and could keep good reputations with the relatives maintaing the distance.

Third best positive thing:She was very beautiful at her youth. Now she takes care to look neat and respectable. Her appearance and mannerisms are so feminie and gentle, which i really admire. Rainbow replied. Hi I just filled in the positive things about my MIL and then realized the qn. is also about what I hate most. I somehow read but did not notice it.
Here is my complete answer. Sorry about any confusion:

This indeed is a contest with some good will. Many of the times the dils could get upset with whaever is done by their mils and I am also one of them. I sometimes remember it daily and get upset too. But once in a while I try to calm myself thinking of the positive things that she has and then that provides some kind of balance in the thinking. This effort to bring up the positive things into memory is to be appreciated.

MIL :

Her Education : SSLS , Average

His/her attitude towards life : Average. She is active and appears very happy from outside but has lot of jealousy built in so she sometimes reacts like she cannot see anyone else happy.

His/her attitude towards you(Ex, Avg, Bad): Average

Why you hate him/her most:

My attitude towards any new person is to take positive any initial steps. Even if somethings appear wierd for others during first few encounters, I have the tendency to naturally ignore them. I was shocked after few years of marriage to realize that my mil is hypocratic. She can talk very sweet outside and can talk bad about you when you are not around. I have got proven things about this behaviour, when she spoke to my relatives also. But when my husband is present she is really good to me, so it is even difficult to explain my husband. Ofcourse I have not make any attemps to explain to him after I realized this but I hate the jealousy and the hypocrisy. If she were open to me on whatever she felt good as well as bad, it would help the relationship.

Well, coming to my case here is what I can think of as the positive things that my mil has:

Positive #1 : Support for trying to conceive.
We have been married for 5 plus years and have been going through various procedures for having kids. So far my in laws have really kept really patient about it. They used to say asking for it from our side will only cause more pressure to you and worsen the situation. I am really thankful to them for the support. Right now I am pregnant with 6 weeks and I told them the news soon as I got it and they are very happy.

Positive #2 : Active and Patient
My mil is very active for her age. She really can manage to talk to people very well and also do the physical tasks very well. For example taking care of kids, cooking for many people, doing outside tasks also. She took care of both my sil's kids really well and has the stamina and patience for some more. Honestly my mother in her age used to be less patient with my sisters kids. She got many comments from my relatives during our wedding about her activeness.

Positive #3 : Cooking
She is a very good cook and is a expert in making some traditional snacks.

These are the qualities that came up to my mind as soon as I starting thinking about the positive things. Thank you for the effort. Prize or not, this one really is doing good to people.
Rainbow replied. This indeed is a contest with some good will. Many of the times the dils could get upset with whaever is done by their mils and I am also one of them. I sometimes remember it daily and get upset too. But once in a while I try to calm myself thinking of the positive things that she has and then that provides some kind of balance in the thinking. This effort to bring up the positive things into memory is to be appreciated.

Well, coming to my case here is what I can think of as the positive things that my mil has:

Positive #1 : Support for trying to conceive.
We have been married for 5 plus years and have been going through various procedures for having kids. So far my in laws have really kept really patient about it. They used to say asking for it from our side will only cause more pressure to you and worsen the situation. I am really thankful to them for the support. Right now I am pregnant with 6 weeks and I told them the news soon as I got it and they are very happy.

Positive #2 : Active and Patient
My mil is very active for her age. She really can manage to talk to people very well and also do the physical tasks very well. For example taking care of kids, cooking for many people, doing outside tasks also. She took care of both my sil's kids really well and has the stamina and patience for some more. Honestly my mother in her age used to be less patient with my sisters kids. She got many comments from my relatives during our wedding about her activeness.

Positive #3 : Cooking
She is a very good cook and is a expert in making some traditional snacks.

These are the qualities that came up to my mind as soon as I starting thinking about the positive things. Thank you for the effort. Prize or not, this one really is doing good to people.
RR replied. again about MIL ..
Weak education
i would great attitude towards life as she still loves eating out etc..
she was always speculative towards me because she was warned ny all her relatives that a bahu who is working is bad.. and so she was always suspecting me. whenever she started liking me my BIL and SIL filled her ears and she is such a kaan ki kachi that she would start couting my faults again.
her being kaan ki kachi.. that is what i hate in her. ans yes, also her greed..

Positive thing # 1
She would give me all her support if it werent her being kaan ki kachi :(

Positive thing # 2
She cooks good.. but now she has taken a retirement on that.

Positive thing # 3
She is helpful when nobody is around telling her that it is bad to be helpful to bahus.. they are the ones who should be doing all the things.. so what if she is working for 10 hours.

About joint families i want to mention here.. that living and coping with the parents in law is not that tuff than it is with the siblings of your hubby.
My jethani used to say all bad things about me and when my MIL tried to support me she would say.. ki aap saas ki terah behave nahi karogi to mujhe karna padegaa..
some guts that lady has got!!
mitra replied. Interesting contest.
I dont know how genuine this contest is, I dont expect a prize too. But this contest might make the DILs think about good-things in their in-laws and help ease the relationships-issue a bit. If that happens, that's a prize for me!

This is about my MIL ofcourse!

My MIL might be behaving not-so-good with me for whatever reasons, but I believe that personally she is gem of a person. In fact, I have seen very few such strong, successful women in my life! She would have been at a top position had she been in a management company!

Apologies for breaking the sequence of ratings, but I will list her good things first and then tell what I think she needs to \";think about\"; (or what I hate in her). She has a lot of good things, picking top 3 was difficult for me :)

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His/her Education (Ex, Avg, Weak): EXCELLENT. Graduate. She was a working person.

His/her attitude towards life(Ex, Avg, Bad): Average. She has everything one should ideally have, but is not happy & contented.

His/her attitude towards you(Ex, Avg, Bad): Average

Topmost positive thing:
RELATIONSHIPS:
She has been a favourite of so many relatives and friends all her life. She is still. How to make a great social circle -- with a husband-with-months-of-touring-job, kids and her own job -- one should learn from her.

Second best positive thing:
MANAGEMENT:
She has managed home, kids, work and herself very well. Husband had a touring job of months so one can imagine his contribution. She is a great cook, has a beautifully decorated and big house, wisely made financial investments, exellent dressing sense, great social circle, promotions in job. Today, she is financially well settled, kids are well-eduated, good-natured, and married to good families and they are happy.

Third best positive thing:
COOKING:
*She is a great cook. Can't describe this more. From daily food, to delicacies, to snacks, to drinks, to pickles - she is the best i have seen.
*Not only she is a good cook, she has also made a point to do her duty well in this field. Kids or husband or guests - all have always got COMPLETE meals at all the times.
I rate this as her third best and not first/second because the food she cooks many times lacks from health-point. It not only has enoirmous calories, but lacks in nutrition values, re-heating and using left-overs, and mostly heavy foods and spices like paneer/rajma/parathas, etc.

Why you hate him/her most:
HER INFERIORITY COMPLEX.
She is not a good-looking person, did not belong to a rich family before marriage and came from a small town. Her in-laws & their entire family are all extremely good-looking, rich people, working at high-posts and belong to city like Delhi.
Hence, she has always tried to be the best in everything else, and has been successful too (this answers her great relationship & cooking skills).
But she is very sensitive about her actions and takes things very personally and over-reacts most times.
She is not contended, lacks peace of mind, and is always worried'next' thing coming.
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