Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi, I have a query. I am visiting India after 3 years. Last time i visited, My inlaws asked me to bring corning bowls for 2 of my husband's cousin sisters. I had already bought jade-coral pendants for them, so i resisted, but when they repeated. I didnt argue and just got it. I also got chocolates, perfume for the brother in laws and clothes for their kids.
I have simple \";hi - hello\"; relationship with them. nothing close or bad. Their parents(my husband' uncles are very good to me and vice versa)

When it was time for me to return to US,One sister got me a very beautiful pooja thali & commented that since i am religious it should be useful. It was expensive. I felt bad to take something this expensive but she insisted.
This other sister works,earns a lot of money and considers herself a big feminist. She gave my husband a nice shirt and a small gift box to me. I didnt open it until i reached US. Inside was a rusted pendant,earring set which is not worth more than 20 rupees. I felt bad but I am not a materialistic person.
After 1 year my mother came to US for my delivery, she asked me about \";this ugly set\"; and \";why did you buy it\";, when i told her about it. She felt very bad. She was near tears saying that during my wedding she gave both sister in laws sarees worth 2000 rs and always treated them well, why would she do this.
I pacified her but got me thinking that gifts are an indication of respect.
I also remembered that when i came to US her first letter with rakhi mentioned that i should start working and said i was on an over extended vacation by not working.
Now what i am thinking is, When i go to India, Should i take her aside on lunch or coffee and nicely ask her why is she having such an attitude? or should i let it go.
The problem is, I have a great relation with her mother(my husband's aunt) and there is a good chance that this might not sit well with her and therefore her mom might get upset.
Also my inlaws were misbehaving with me(so they might have also been instrumental in telling lies to this cousin about me) from last few years and recently my husband has raised his voice & asked his parents to behave well with me and things are little tepid with everybody in India. Will this be a wrong timing or will i come out as somebody who is always making things bad or something.
If you have any suggestions as to how to deal with this lady, I would appreciate it. Mani replied. Just forget about it and move on....sometimes some people jsut give something wrong and don't realise it. Some people r just bad gift givers.
If on the other hand u want to make her feel that u didn't like what she gave u...never say it directly...cause that becomes a strike agaist u. Maybe just when the 2 sis r together say to the other sis...oh i really loved the puja thali u gave and it was really useful...and nothing to the other...or if they don't live in same town..u could ask this sis..oh do u know where the other sis got the thali from..one of u'r friend back home really liked it and wanted something similar...That would kinda show her in an indirect way that u liked the other gift and not hers...by not acknowledging it.

Frankly..i would just forget about it and move on with my life. sonu replied. hi,

i can understand what u r goin thru but 1 good thing is never question or interupt them.let them do what they want.u just be quiet.Quietness doesnt mean u r foolish n deafed but in family such small issues are raised always.n these sisters in laws are always shows their attitudes.
mine case is worse than u but i dont say anything to anybody as if i say to my MIL this things will definately goin to my SIL ears n i lost my mom few months ago so i only disclose these things to my husband.he is darling .n it seems ur husband is also supportive.

i will only suggest not to think about such useless peoples who r not at all worth to think so much.instead of think about ur baby n his future.

n mind well never question in Bhagwatgita there is a say U do ur karma n dont think about result.just follow it .
u will be more happy

take care n enjoy ur india trip
enjoy each n every moment there .

bye
sonu