Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am in the US for the past 8 years and have a daughter who is 4 years. My in-law have recently came to live with us here for good and my husband spend all the time with them only. Earlier also we didn't have a ideal relationship as Husband and wife but lately he is using them to shower all his love and affection and also his other brother and sister stay in the US so there is a lot of interference in our day to day life from there end since my MIL and husband keeps telling my BIL and SIL everything that happens in our house. I am a working women and return home in the evening only but since my husband works from home itself he is always with my in-laws and they keep turning him against me and my family. Here I have to mention that in the past my Husband has behaved very badly /insulted my parent for no apparent reason and so I have also no respect/Love toward them and also when my in-laws were in India they wrote bad emails about me to my hubby, blaming me in every sense, that I have read and so I have no respect at all toward my FIL too. My problem is I fell very lonely in this country and specially when I return home from work I feel as though its there house and I fell like a stranger and so am missing my family in India. I have no idea how to deal with my in-laws and my hubby who is nice till the time I am earning and also just cares about his parents and not mine. I am working in a very reputed corporation at a very good salary but still me husband doesn't give me the right to be financially independent. He is the one who manages all the bank accounts and just give me the credit cards so that he has an account of every penny I spend. He doesn't like me to spend anything on my Family in India and also doesn't want me to take gifts for them but expects them to give gifts to me and my family. I am very depressed and lonely .Please advise. Reality replied. I feel your pain sister. My sister, lives with an ungodly fil. Why these people exist?? God only knows. Everyone, regardless of faith-needs to mind their own business. Your husband, needs to FOCUS on you. I am happily single. God, to find out the GAMES people play. Yet, in social circles. Boy, oh what a clean image they present. NO one person is to blame. Gossip, has to END!! Please, tell your husband to focus on your family's needs. I am dead AGAINST living with in laws. I don't know about India. Here in the states, we live and let live. Thanks. I hope that I was helpful. saheli replied. Hi Rachna,
My email id is freakydesi2000. Its a yahoo id. So send me an email there and then we will go from there.
Thanks
Saheli Rhea replied. Yeh Rachana,

U need to pay tax to be too good in todays world. Rachana don`t worry much in life try being freindly with ur daughter so that everyone around envy`s ur relationship with her. U r hubby can get close to u with that concern indirectly and parellely engage urself in self building activities as reading, watching movies and never ever show that ur getting affected by ur Inlaws and hubies ill behaviour. If they understadn that u are getting affected they will try to override u.
I know ur hubby must be thinking too smart of himself and must be looking into all investments him self but u too start up investing ur salary in some schemes giving a reason that many in ur office are opting for such schemes and some smart answers.
Bye take care
mail me at
rheaduttagupta@yahoo.co.uk saheli replied. Hi there,
After reading your email, it almost felt like I am reading my own story. My in-laws stay here permanently and I have 2 sil's here who are constantly interfering in our lives. I have no family here either but god gave me 2 kids because of which atleast I am managing to survive amidst all the stress and difficulties.
I think husband will never change if you work hard towards changing him. He will resist change if you try to get some sense into him. So best is to leave him alone with his parents as much as u can. No matter how much they love their parents but there is a limit to which they can spend time with them. I have tried it and believe me it works.
About the financial situation, why don't u tell ur husband that you would like to save some money for your daughter so u will direct deposit part of your salary in a separate account. You don't have to ask him, just tell him in a nice controlled tone.
And don't ever bring his parents in the fight. That conversation will go nowhere if you do that.
When u buy gifts for ur parents, buy something small for his family. That way he cannot say anything. Also try to hide some cash from him and maybe keep it at your office. You can send that money to your parents if you want.
Try spending as much time with your daughter. Go to activities with her. There u will meet other parents and maybe u will make friends.
But learn to expect the fact you have nobody and that u have to fight your own battle. I use to beg people to come to my home so that I have a friend circle but I don't think its easy with in-laws at home. I could never have any friends so I gave up on that.
Learn to entertain yourself. And don't think its their house. You have to learn to believe in yourself. Its all a mind game friend. Have mental strength. See, whoever earns, its their house.
I have gone through whatever u have written and maybe more. But its been 7 yrs since my in-laws move here so getting used to them and their politics. See the idea is to control your anger and use it fruitfully. Never show your anger for anything. You cannot win against them. There is no way so don't fight. Learn to go with the flow but don't compromise on things u believe in.
Don't pity yourself and live for your daughter. I just live for my kids. I have no other reason to live. There are too many sorrows but when I see my kids, I just thank god that I have them and that they are healthy and nice.
So look for happiness elsewhere. Try going out during lunch time with friends. Go shopping during lunchtime. If you buy something, your husband might have a problem the first time, he will throw a fit couple of times and then he will get used to it. What can he do. He will just yell and get angry. Just let him be angry. Its his problme. Don't take his anger into you. Just ignore when he is angry. Too bad buddy if you are angry... Thats your problem so deal with it...........
So take care and if you are in Virginia area then maybe we can be friends and meet each other.
Cheers!
Saheli saheli replied. hi