Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi,
need ur urgent help...
i am getting mad due to my tensions...in married ife....
i will tell u everything in nutshall...
i and my husband have been married since 2 years and we had alove marriage...it took me a lot to convince my parents for that as it was an intercaste marriage.i met my husband in our college,we both are engineers...
when i got married i was hsocked to see his family atmosphere,his mother is a very dominating lady and wants everything to be done according to her wishes...and she did like my going to my parents place or having much interaction with them,and she used to convince his son that the daughter in laws of good families dont keep much interaction with their parents and my husband follows what she says like a puppet...he forgot how much pains i had taken for him in my college time and at my home...my parents had given me best education even when their financial condition was not good as their bussiness had gone to worst...i was shocked to see the differentiation done between the girls and boys in their home as i had never even seen it in my life.i was wanted to do something for my parents but i was not allowed ,neither i was allowed too visit them and my husband didnt support me ...i was very much tensed...i was working in a software company and lost my job also at that time,....then suddenly my husband wished to enter a new carrer that is serials and movies...and that time without knowing much about this line i agreed to it as i thought we will stay away from his parents and we came to bombay....when we came here he tried his struggle...but didint get much work...
he has done 2 small albums and 2 small serials and the scenec he did in them made me mad like anything...there was lot of hugging and kissing scenes with girls and i couldnt tolerate seeing him with other females...i told him i cant tolerate it but he told me that i have to tolerate it...but the fact is that i cant tolerate it...
he has earned around 10,000 since 1 and a half year and is not at all bothered about future,he takes me still as a girl friend and doesnt feel responsible towards me...my job is nice, but all the money goes to buying gifts for his parents and his frequent trips to his mothers place and when i send few money to my parents sometimes,he doesnt like it because it has been feeded in his mind that doing that is wrong and he who listens to his wife is a 'joru ka gulam',so he doesnt listen to me at all...
my friends in my office always tell me that u should nt tolerate so much,u should support him monetariry and emotinally for what u dont like,i really go mad after seeing his scenes with other girls...
he has changed completely and i am getting mad due to my frustrations...
he avoids me taking to his friends or to his parties because he will have to say that i am his wife,this realy hurts me a lot...when even sometimes he takes me along with him,he tells me that i wont introduce u as my wife...then i feel i am doing so much for him and what he is doing to me...
last year i had undergone an abortion as well and it effected me both emotionally and physically...i had continuous bleeding for 5 months and i had to go to office in that condition to earn and no one in his family bothered to see me..
he used to have frequent visits to a friend who is a gay and is not good and when i told him that u shouldnt go there,he slapped me and my lower lip became red and it took around 25-30 days to get it ok...
i feel i love him that's why i am tolerating it but now things and changing as i cant tolerate it more..i feel he also loves me but he is very imature to understand his responsibilities and there is no one who can make him understand and i am suffering like anything....
i am alive till date just because i believe a lot in GOD ,i pray daily but dont know why GOD is not listening to my prayers...
could u plz help me and become my GOD...
kriti mmm replied. Dear Kriti,

I was in the same situation like you. My hubby was a puppet in his mother's hands and he used to say 'I am not joru ka gulam'. His mother used to mentally torture me. All she wanted was gold and money. She used to squeeze out money from me and from my husband also.

But once I got a kid and started working and due to god's blessing, I became independent. Please don't go to pandits or tantriks. They are misleading.

I am working and supporting my child. I neglected him totally. It takes a big heart to bear the separation but I kept myself strong. Then One fine day my husband came back to me for the sake of my kid.

You have your own house so you have absolutely no problem. Neglect him and be strong in heart and mind and keep praying to god.

Everthing will be fine.
















































Archie replied. Dear Kriti,

Usually I favor side of marriage in general and try to tell people that do whatever it takes to save marriage. However, reading your story makes me feel so uncomfortable giving such an advise. I feel telling you to continue with such unhealthy marriage is so unfair on your part.

You are both Engineer, for sure you both entered college with merit, means you both have good brains. This shall allow you both to think using own brains, instincts and commen sense. This I beleive is totally absent in your spouse. I am sorry if I am strong.

Getting married in different caste or religion is no more issue. As long as love is there you can do anything. But your husband seems to have old fashioned Indian male mentality yet controlled by his mother.

I felt so pain when you mention your family situation and despite all troubles your parents took you can not support them. Rather you got to nurture your husbands tantrum.

You are absolutely independent girl. If he does not want to introduce you as his wife then it hardly makes sense in thinking that he loves you. If he had loved then even without marrying you he would treat you like your wife. There are people who fall in love and treat themselves as a healthy couple. On the otherhand if a couple fail to accept as spouse to counter part after marriage gives sufficient meaning that marriage is unhealthy and unlikely will lead to to peace.

Just Rs 10,000/- over a year and half that too in film/advertise. He should make whole lot of money.

I think you getting jealous on his movie or acting is little imature however. If you trust him and have confidence you would not jealous of this fact. I don't blame you however, simply cause he does not trust you that much when it comes you talking to other mens.

Summing all, does not seem a very healthy marriage or healthy love relation either. I would have to say let this go and start thinking on making your own independent life that includes you returning favor of parents by helping them in their difficult situaiton. Also for him a pay back time to realize how much he can support him self. If you continue to trust in love, have faith in marriage you can defintiely get remarried.

I am really sorry to have you gone through all painful marriage.

I hope other girls will agree to what I say. I am not quite sure if a guy around want to accept what I say. They may try to put your husbands best side, although he seems to have nothing good in him.

Good luck to your future.
Archie