we have been married for 5.5 yrs.
We were eagerly waiting for our baby from the first day.
But it didnt happen.
We had undergone so many treatments and atlast one this clicked.
I became preganant . i had bleeding on 6th week and we though we lost baby. but god gave back to us, I was on complete bedrest from then to 3 months completion.
Everything was fine at 1st anomaly scan. we saw our baby moving around...everything went fine till 25th week. on 24th week i had my 5th month checkup and i heard heartbeats.. on 25th week we had second trimester anomaly scan and it was found my baby was dead. no heartbeats and no movements.
It was such a shock to us(now also icant beliee what happened).
dr told no way and i have to undergo labour..
I cnat even imagine, how we have passed those days.
i delivered her. she was double the length of my palm.
Even if i close my eyes now i can see her.
drs couldnt find any reason for that.. my health was fine.. no bp.. no sugar.. all hormones were fine..
still we lost.
my husband didnt want to see her at all.. he was so shattered.
i have started going back to work now.. but this is more painfull..
i am not able to control my emotions when someone talks about their baby or when i see a pregnant lady..
i know what i have lost... we are planning for the next bay now after 3 months as i have to undergo 3 onths rest..
this waiting is too much..
i may become mad if this gap for next one is too much...

everything looks like a dream..
I cant even imagine how i am going thru this face....

I am sure you and your hubby will come back again on this site.

Dearest Jes,

Fisrtly let me apologize for not replying sooner, my time of late is a bit limited and I did want to devote my attention to your post. I was so sorry to read of your loss but you can get through this Jes... Every day you move another step forward and look at how far you have come already. Don´ t discredit the strength that you have. It is very difficult when one does not have any clear answers as to how their little one passed but even those who do find answers are still left to wonder... Questions are a natural part of the grieving process.

I know how tough it is facing others with new babies or hearing about other pregnancies and the emotions you describe are something most women in this forum have themselves felt at one time or another. It can be a trail seeing lives move forward when it feels as though your own has been fractured into that many pieces you´ re left to wonder if it will ever be repaired.

Have you had a frank talk with your doctor about the way you are feeling? I am not sure when you lost your daughter but time is a very important part of moving forward. One needs to allow time for their emotions to process and to come to terms with things... Or at least find a way to cope. A three month gap between birth & a new conception is really quite a short one. Your body needs at least 6 months to repair much of itself after a pregnancy, conceiving too soon increases the risk to your baby.

I know how desperately you must want to try again but my suggestion is that you wait a little while. Emotionally you will face many twists and turns, there will be days when just living is the greatest chore you can face. From a mental health perspective a 12 month wait is best after a loss like this, it allows time to move through much of your grief and women who do wait a little longer before TTC suffer less anxiety, reduced stress (increased cortisol levels have been shown to be harmful for baby) and fewer minor health worries when they next conceive. Ultimately you will know when the time is right but be certain you have people who are able to offer support and a willing ear to hear your concerns.

Is it an necessity that you return to work right now? You have said that it seems to be making things worse so perhaps, if you were able to, some time off might be helpful to you. By your description it sounds like your daughter was a tiny little doll, this a memory that belongs to you, holding your precious little girl... Not the daughter you lost but the daughter who you will hold in your heart FOREVER.

It is important not to alow yourself to get too deeply into negative self talk, try to focus on positive memories, things that made you feel good, moments that you know in time will be something you cherish, even if they seem sad right now. Don´ t be tempted to questio yourself, to wonder if you had any pat of your daughter´ s death, to doubt your ability to parent... I firmly believe that we´ re never forced to face more than we can cope with, hard as it may seem. All the best Jes, I wish you good health and sucessful pregnancies in the future.

Kate