A Mother’s Wish List
· I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child’s name
· If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my child, I wish you knew
that it isn’t because you have hurt me the fact that my child died
has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and thank you.
Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
· I wish you wouldn’t kill my child again by removing from your
home his pictures, artwork or other remembrances.
· I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn’t think that if I have
a good day my grief is over, or if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counselling.
· I wish you knew the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed
separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you wouldn’t compare it to your loss of a
pet, spouse or parent.
· Being a bereaved parent is not contagious so I wish you wouldn’t shy away from me.
· I wish you knew of all the ‘crazy’ grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal.
Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness and the questioning of values and beliefs are
to be expected following the death of a child.
· I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in 6 months. The first few years are going to
be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, I will never be cured or a former bereaved
parent.
· I wish you understood the physical reactions to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight,
sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illnesses and be accident prone, all of which
may be related to my grief.
· Our child’s birthday, the anniversary of her death, and holidays are a terrible time for us. I
wish you would tell us that you are thinking of our child on these days, and if we get quiet
and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about our child and don’t try to coerce us
into being cheerful.
· I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my
child died and I will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to ‘get back to my
old self’ you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts and beliefs. Please
try to get to know me, maybe you will like me.
Instead of sitting around waiting for some of our wishes to come true, we have an obligation to
teach people some of the things we have learned about our grief. We can teach those lessons with
great kindness, believing that people have good intentions and want to do what is right, but just
don’t know what do with us, or we can sit and wait. I believe our children would want us to help the
world understand.
Author Unknown. sudha replied. so true .... a fact which no one understand
i atleast have most of these in my wish list but the world around me forces me to be normal.. i am very hurt when people say \" its been long dont u think \" ... \" sp strange nothings happened till now\" .... \" after all it went of inside u ...\" i remember once u saying ...all these after a yr mark will get tolerable... true i dont react i jst say a small prayer to god that they never have to go through what i went through
how many children healthy children i have after Rishona i can never forget her ... spcly whne 4th nov is jst a fortnight away Tryingtobepositive replied. So Beautiful and so very true......