Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi,
I want to share a my problems with you and get your suggestions. I'm a married women with 20 months old girl and have been living in US for 5 years. My husband is too nice to me when he is with me in US and the problem is I'm only child to my parents and they both are pretty old now. My husband's family is little too conservative than mine especially when it comes to me. My FIL is the biggest problem for me from the begining and he shouts at everyone and a very dominating character. I also had been mentally depressed because of his way of dealing with me and had to be on treatment for sometime. Now, my husband wants to go back to India and i have become very restless since I have no option but to live with him as that alone would make my parents happy. My husband is very attached to his father and does not want to live seperately. I have to mention here that my MIL is gem of a lady. I really wonder how she is living with her husband all these days?.
tejmom replied. dear friend, u cant keep tolerating all this and fall in to depression. ur health is also important. when your fil shouts at u, tell him v.politely [infront of your husband] \";uncle please dont shout. iam feeling v.bad.\"; say this v.politely, but dont cry. keep an expressionless face. this way you r not being arrogant, at the same time u r telling him that u dont like being shouted. if your hubby tells u something that u cant go into depression again and undergo treatment any longer. try doing this. without doing anything or without taking any step how can a problem be solved? i have also undergone the same situation. i made it v.clear to my hubby that i dont like to be shouted. for u the problem is only your fil, but for me, my mil, my fil, my bil, and the servant mail working for them, all of them have spoken harshly to me. i fought back. now nobody dares to shout at me and i also stay away from them K.Radha replied. Isn't it odd, oarents go to all the trouble of arranging a marriage and then find they are not satisfied... I am very sorry for both of you splendid ladies... How sad it is that family has become a terror for you and not a haven. I do not know what to say that can help you feel better or to offer you strength. Remeber that you're lovely women, good wives, smart people, wonderful mothers and adored by friends and loved by your close family. I know this does not give you anything but words but please remember that it is these very words that you might find yourself clinging to. these words are true!!!! I wish you love, laughter, friendship & strength when you go home... archu replied. Dear sc,

I can fully understand your situation. I too am facing the same problem these days. My hubby is also very close to his mom-dad, and I have many issues with my in-laws. They have said the worst possible things about me. I mean I can not tell you what I have gone through. Frankly speaking- I just can not stand them. You are lucky to have a nice MIL, but my case is not like yours. Both my MIL & FIL are very dominating , over-possessive & manipulative. Like you, I too am attached to my parents, so I also like the idea of going back to India, but whenever I think of my in-laws,I get very nervous & worried. Whenever they come here or we go to India, only I know how I pass my time.There is not a single day, when my MIL-FIL don't pass a negative remark about me. They always make sure to make some or the other nasty comments. I feel so suffocated in their presence.I feel like a slave whose hands have been tied and is not able to do anything. I don't even have the freedom of expression in their presence. If I laugh at something, then they take it otherwise thinking that I am laughing at them. If I am upset over something,then that is also not acceptable. I feel when I can not spend a few days with them(peacefully), how I will be able to live with them under the same roof for all my life.

My hubby has started looking for a suitable job in India. Whenever he talks about this topic, I become restless. I can not concentrate on anything. I don't know how I will manage? If I have to ever live them, that is going to be the biggest compromise of my life.