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You are here : home > Teen Issues > They've hit Puberty > Rude Teens

Rude Teens

Is your teenager rude? Often parents ignore this rudeness, believing it to be normal behaviour for teens. This is not true.

Not all teenagers are rude to their parents. Many of them are best friends with their mothers. Although occasional fights are normal, rudeness and rebellious behaviour needs to be checked at the earliest.

Check rudeness firmly the first time it happens. If your young child is rude to you, let him know in no uncertain terms, that this is simply not acceptable. Although you would love to be a friend to your child, such friendship does not include rudeness. Similarly, you too should avoid being rude to your child.


Check insolence at every step

If one incident of rudeness slips by, your child will believe it is acceptable to speak in this manner. He then keeps pushing the boundaries, seeing how far you will take his cheek. Remember that your child is not deliberately trying to hurt you, but you may have unknowingly hurt him deeply when you denied something - even though it may be for his own good. This makes him want to lash out at you in the only way he can. If your child's desires are constantly ignored, it will be harder and harder for him to control his frustrations. Try being lenient with him in some matters, and intolerant of rudeness.

If rudeness is left unchecked when your child is young, it is likely to spiral when your child reaches her teens - so check insolence at every step.


Don't underestimate peer influence

Peer pressure exerts its strongest influence on a teenager. At no stage in life is a person as vulnerable to the influences of his friends, as when he is in his teens. Support from friends is of prime importance. When you have a fight with your teen, she knows she can run to a friend and pour out her heart at being frustrated with your behaviour. Her friend will support her fully, and is likely to bring you down in the bargain.


Communicate with your teen

Other teenagers see their friends speaking to their parents rudely, and may try the same thing at home. It is important that you put a firm stop to it as soon as it begins. Try and do this without losing your temper or getting indignant at the way she just spoke to you. Ask her why she felt she needed to speak in such a rude manner. If you reason with your child and keep your cool, tempers need not be raised. Communication is very important. Always, always try and understand why she acts in a certain way, and what is going through her mind. And once you've clarified matters, be sure you let her know that no matter how angry she is, she cannot speak to you in a certain way.

Let her realize that different families are different, and you are very different from her friends' parents. What is scary is some friends may really speak poorly about their parents for whatever reason, and your child could then get tempted to join in with her inputs! And when she finds this support with friends, she gets bolder at home. This boldness first shows itself in rudeness and then defiance for your authority.

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Recent comments (29 comments)
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Comment: 
Name: Abc
Country: Singapore

Pls advice : My 12 year old daughter refuses to study in her study room. Her exams are approaching and she studies in her bedroom and wastes time in front of the mirror
 
Name:
Country: Singapore

Hello Mick and Carolina Ur comments are really enlightening . My daughters exams are coming up and she refuses to study in her study room instead she is studying in her own bedroom where she is wasting time in front of mirror .pls suggest what to do
 
Name: wegert
Country: Canada

i agree with vicky.also too,what if the mother has to deal with depression and the teen has mild tourette syndrom.one moment all is peacefull,next minute there is anger and rudeness.
 
Name: stress-relly
Country: Singapore

well i agree as a teacher that rudeness should not be tolerated. i strongly believe that a child who has the correct values enforced at home will behsve well outside too
 
Name: Jason
Country: Canada

you can be the most loving, well mannered, educated parents in the world and still experience the "terrible teenager". i don't know how to deal with the "i don't care" attitude about school,family,health, etc.i hear only that friends are cool. yet poor decisions and poor choices are made. how does one cope with this?
 
Name: vani
Country: India

i won't tolerate rudeness with any of my children. i use the cane. bad behaviour in our house is punished severely. six on the buttocks with the cane teaches a strong lesson.
 
Name: tina
Country: India

nice article
 
Name: sugar hill
Country: U.S.A.

i agree as a social worker that rudeness should not be tolerated. however, i strongly believe that a child has be corrected in a positive manner.
 
Name: mother of 4
Country: Malaysia

i have 4 kids 2 being teenagers. i am at a dilemma at handling teens. they are the best one moment and reverse the next. i am still trying so many methods. but whatever the reason rude behaviour cannot be tolerated.period!!!! !
 
Name: jani
Country: Canada

i agree that rudeness is unacceptable, but what about when the suggestions in the article have been exhausted and the rudeness escalates. when i try to talk to my daughter about her rude comments, or try to understand what is bothering her, she yells repeatedly at me to "shut up!" i will not yell over her and i walk away to address it when she is calmer. she is almost sixteen.
 
Name: Giovanni
Country: U.S.A.

who wrote the article, and on what basis do they give advice?
 
Name: Mitra
Country: Iran

i am a mother of 2 and my first child is a 12 year old girl. she is very rude to me and her father. she is never peacefull. her room is a mess and she is forcing me into depression. she stars shouting about anything form 6:30 am to 11:00 pm (when she goes to bed by force). she is top student in her school. tell me what to do????!!!!!
 
Name: RITU
Country: India

hi,i have a 14yrs.old son.i think he has failed me in all my understanding of teenage study.manytimes i feel so helpless$ shocked.nothing seems to work on him.starting from waking up in morning or going to bed in night
 
Name: Linda
Country: South Africa

i agree completely with jason - nothing can be done with a teen who "just doesntcare!" i have tried and tried and tried to teach about choices and consequences - just nothing! i have been totally consistent in reactions - stil nothing! i have even become so dispondent that i feel like "divorcing" my teen - i cant handle that they get the upper hand all the time.
 
Name: rght
Country: India

rudeness rudeness rudeness
 
Name: CANDY
Country: United Kingdom

i have 4 children but only one is rude. she is 15, not the oldest. she is very intelligent but rude at home as well as school. no kind of praise or punishment has changed her. her view is it is always someone else's fault.
 
Name: Ana
Country: Mexico

this is one of the first sensible articles i have found. parents are pathetic with their children and let them get away with everything. this is not doing the kids any favours.
 
Name: confused and worried
Country: India

i'm a psychologist with a 14 year old son. going thru the same problem.inspite of trying various approaches,the bouts of aggression and rudeness are still frequent.i withdraw from the arguement and refuse to be provoked.i think i understand what causes such behaviour but it pains to think that such an intelligent child is unable to handle his emotions and can be so reckless and defiant about elders.i am very worried.and to think i have a masters degree in psychology.
 
Name: heart broken
Country: South Africa

my daughter who is now 14 has been an extreme challenge since her dad left when she was seven i feel i have spoilt her by not saying no enough and thats maybe due to the guilt of divorce but now something in me has died and i feel cold and need to protect my self after 7 years of challenge and rudeness which i feel leans on the side of bulllying an verbal abuse , it came to a climax when we started physically hitting each other in jan we have had six months of therapy which has helped but i am still feeling ive lost those lovely sweet children that i didnt even have terrible twos with , my 12 year old is picking up the bad habits too, but now i feel cold and dead inside that i gave so much unconditional love and care and attention and i dont get an ounce of repect ive looked hard at my behaviour in this and made changes but my heart is broken the message im trying to give is there should be conditiopnal love other wise you become a dormat to people ,
 
Name: P.J.A.M.
Country: U.S.A.

i just attended my great nieces'12th birthday party today. she had a handful of her friends in attendance. most of them have been at my house for swimming parties (so some of them knew who i was). i am greatly disappointed in their lack of respect, not even saying simple things like please & thank you; not speaking when asked polite questions, unable to carry on any type of a conversation with any adults present. i see this all as being rude! from my perspective at 57 years of age it seems like most adults are afraid to even teach their children or the friends of their children these simple courtesies of life.
 
Name: .
Country: India

hahaha....arent d parents being rude wen dey dnt accept us d way v r bt trying to make us wat dey want??????
 
Name: fozzy
Country: United Kingdom

i'm suffering from clinical depression and i have a 13 year old daughter who is rude and angry all the time. evenn though i explain to her this behaviour isn't acceptable but i can't get through to her. it makes it harder for me to cope because of the depression. has any one got ideas on what i should do to discipline her
 
Name:
Country: U.S.A.

these parents are funny. peer influence isn't a cause.
 
Name: Nazia
Country: Pakistan

my 15 year teenage daughter is extremely rude and i feel obnoxious - but only to me. i feel it is partly my fault because i have let her get away with rude behaviour in the past, wheras i should have refused to tolerate it. her behaviour has become such an issue for me that i have now decieded to take a very harsh line in that 'come hell or high water' i will not tolerate it any more. this, i feel, is the only way i can deal with it. at the moment my daughter's behaviour is affecting our family environment and although i love her, i will not allow her to hijack the family as she has currently done. my message is that: love your child to bits, but rudeness and disrespect should never be tolerated - i think unconditional love means you become a doormat.
 
Name: Shriva
Country: India

i don't care is a favourite response from teens because it can't be countered - you cannot argue with it.the best way to deal with it is to say, "you may not care but i do".


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