i find it really to hear that of 5 only 2 have a chance to live....are we so bad that we fall in that category....
all the people around says that it result of what u had done in the past... i keep on asking my husband are v so bad that we had to go through this phase of life.... i really appreciate k radha for all the messages that written on this board....i have a problem and that is i keep on running away from all those people who have small babies... i just don' t want to see the babies untill i have my own... at times babies try to come near me but i just cannot hold them in my lap..... do i need a help from psychytrist...my baby' s name was paras a healthy, fit and really beautiful baby as told to me by relatives as i had not even seen him..
at times i hate him also of his foolishness as what to eat and what not eat he died of meconium aspiration syndrome...pl. advise do i need help from psychystrist
love siya
Subscribe to this conversation
Reply Anonymously
i find it really to hear that of 5 only 2 have a chance to live....are we so bad that we fall in that category....
all the people around says that it result of what u had done in the past... i keep on asking my husband are v so bad that we had to go through this phase of life.... i really appreciate k radha for all the messages that written on this board....i have a problem and that is i keep on running away from all those people who have small babies... i just don' t want to see the babies untill i have my own... at times babies try to come near me but i just cannot hold them in my lap..... do i need a help from psychytrist...my baby' s name was paras a healthy, fit and really beautiful baby as told to me by relatives as i had not even seen him..
at times i hate him also of his foolishness as what to eat and what not eat he died of meconium aspiration syndrome...pl. advise do i need help from psychystrist
love siya
Tryingtobepositive replied. Hi Siya,
I am so sorry for your loss.I know what you mean when you say you don´ t want to be around young babies and want to run away from them.I felt like that too the first couple days.I have 2 coworkers who are pregnant and it was really difficult being around them.They didn´ t even know I was pregnant.However,I talked to my husband´ s friend´ s wife who had a miscarriage recently and shared my feelings with her.She advised me to say a silent prayer for my coworkers and bless their babies and that helped tremendously.It made it lot easier.
Don´ t hate your baby.Even though he is not around you he needs your love.
As far as seeing a psychiatrist,I would seriously consider that.It may help you.However be aware they may put you on some medications which may not be the best if you are planning on trying soon.You can also consider talking to a psychologist( they generally give you suggestions and canot prescribe medications) or just share your feelings with a trusted friend.
Hope you find peace.
Take care.
artemis replied. hi,
I feel exactly the same way.My baby died from meconium inhalation one hour after he was born.I didnt have the chance to see him alive because I was under anaesthisia,they did c-section to me. So I saw him after 2 days.How did I manage? I dont know!My mother said he was so beautiful.A perfect baby!So I decided to see hIm too.One thing I can tell you,the pain is the same. The loss is the same.I miss him so much and I cant forget my baby.I think every day of him and how things would be if we had him.He would be 7 months now and I would be so happy...
Some of my friends got a baby about the same time as me and it is very clear to me now that I cant see their babies.I can hardly even talk to them,to my friends.This has caused me a lot of trouble because I m worried that it is going to be like that from now and on.Will I become unsocial after all? Is it like that I will avoid babies, children and new parents? How will I be if I never get a baby and a child after all?
All those questions and my very deepest grief made me take the decision to visit a psychotherapist. Although, I did that just after our loss for about 2 months, now I understand that I have to continue to get more help.
Our pain is so deep and we face our loss every day and every moment. We see our baby in everything, we imagine his excistance in everything we do and at the same time we miss him so much. I can understand how you feel siya because I feel the same as you do.Life can be very very hard sometimes and we cant undestand why. Sometimes I feel that it is unfair what happened to us. Then I say to my self that the universe has it' s own logic and reasons for things to happen.We are not always in control of things.
One thing is certain for the moment:I have to deal with my pain and grief to survive. If I dont survive, this will hurt my few nearest people who love me and they probably get the same pain as I have got in my life now because of my loss of my dearest dearest baby.I think that this is the thought that kept me alive in moments of tremendous pain.Also the hope of a new pragnancy and a new child, although as the time goes by I reallise that each child is indispensable.We will always miss our first baby.
I hope you manage to go on siya.
You are not alone,somewhere on this planet, faraway of your country,someone is dealing with the same experiance and the same feelings.
see you :-)
K.Radha replied. Dear Siya,
If you' re asking if I think you' re crazy than the answer is NO! Definately not. However, if you feel that you could benefit from seeing a psychiatrist or a counsellor than I whole heartly support that decision. You know, this is no easy thing to get through and a lot of people have found themselves in need of professional help. I myself saw a counsellor for some months after we lost our daughter and I will also admit that I took anti-depressants for a short time also.
Your reaction to babies is natural and very common. I know of a lady who' s daughter was stillborn and she did not hold or go near another baby until she gave birth to another of her own some 3 years later. For her it was far too painful and she isn' t the first or last woman to react like this. There was an occasion where I literally ran away from my sister in law because I could not bring myself to see my new niece... I avoided her for about 7 or 8 months so I hope this has made you feel like what you' re going through is not uncommon. I don' t need to tell you what sort of emotions seeing a baby can bring up in a bereived parent but I will say that they' re powerful and justified! Just being around a baby takes great emotional strength and if you feel that holding a baby will upset you than do not hurt yourself by even trying.
Your concerns that 2 in every 5 babies will die is not necessary as the numbers are much lower than that. I managed to find the 1997 statistics for India and they are as follows:
Perinatal Mortality rate (around the time of birth)
71.6 per 1000 births
Stillbirth rate
39.1 per 1000 births
Neonatal Mortality rate (within the first 4 weeks)
37.7 per 1000 live births
Early neonatal Mortality rate (within the first week)
33.8 per 1000 live births
It might surprise you that women have approximately a 98% chance of a healthy child and after a loss your chance decreases by just 1%... That is 97% in YOUR favour! No one is guarenteed a baby simply because they' re pregnant, no one! I am so very, VERY sorry that your darling son Paras died and I doubt that there is anything I can say that will make you hurt less but in time you will slowly recover. You won' t be the same person and you' ll never forget your son but in time you will conceive more children and while they' ll never take the place of Paras, you will be happy that they your son or daughter. Immensely happy!
I wasn' t too sure from your post who it was you meant to say you felt hate for... Do you mean that there are days you feel resentment toward Paras for dying? If so, that' s not unusual. Many people find that they' ll feel some anger, even hatred, toward their child for this. I know it sounds crazy but it isn' t. Many a woman has felt frustration hate anger and resentment at some point toward their child. And why not!?! If they had not died, if they had been stronger you wouldn' t be in this heart broken position. You' re not alone in thinking this way but it is only a stage... Deep down you know no child would forsake their mother as no mother would forsake their child. Sadly death is a part of life and it stirs up a miriad of emotions.
All I can suggest is that you get a note pad and write down your feelings. The good and the bad. Also you could try building memories of your son, ultrasound images, things that remind you of him, poetry, write him a letter about how much you love him and wish he was here and place it all in a special box. All those wonderful memories you have and the happy times in your pregnancy should not be forgotten... You might even ask those who saw Paras to write down what they felt when they saw him, what they remember and keep these in the box also, in time they' ll bring back happy memories and in the mean time it will give you something to remember him by... It has only been about 4 months since Paras died and it' s a hard loss to bear. Weren' t you and your hubby going to try for another child soon? Have you come to a decision regarding that?
Siya, you' ve been through hell. Lets not play about with words! You have gone through the most tragic loss known in this world but you' re not alone. There are many people here who will offer their thoughts and advice should you ask for it and we' re all here to give our support to each other. You do need to be brave, and you need to be strong and try as hard as you can to be positive but you don' t have to do it alone. Never forget that. And no you' re not crazy, unusual or in need of a psychiatrist. I sincerely wish you all the best and of couse should you ever need me I am only a post away!
2007-06-25
#1
Name: Tryingtobepositive Subject: Hi!
Hi Siya,
I am so sorry for your loss.I know what you mean when you say you don´ t want to be around young babies and want to run away from them.I felt like that too the first couple days.I have 2 coworkers who are pregnant and it was really difficult being around them.They didn´ t even know I was pregnant.However,I talked to my husband´ s friend´ s wife who had a miscarriage recently and shared my feelings with her.She advised me to say a silent prayer for my coworkers and bless their babies and that helped tremendously.It made it lot easier.
Don´ t hate your baby.Even though he is not around you he needs your love.
As far as seeing a psychiatrist,I would seriously consider that.It may help you.However be aware they may put you on some medications which may not be the best if you are planning on trying soon.You can also consider talking to a psychologist( they generally give you suggestions and canot prescribe medications) or just share your feelings with a trusted friend.
Hope you find peace.
Take care.
2007-06-23
#2
Name: artemis Subject: can´ t see other babies
hi,
I feel exactly the same way.My baby died from meconium inhalation one hour after he was born.I didnt have the chance to see him alive because I was under anaesthisia,they did c-section to me. So I saw him after 2 days.How did I manage? I dont know!My mother said he was so beautiful.A perfect baby!So I decided to see hIm too.One thing I can tell you,the pain is the same. The loss is the same.I miss him so much and I cant forget my baby.I think every day of him and how things would be if we had him.He would be 7 months now and I would be so happy...
Some of my friends got a baby about the same time as me and it is very clear to me now that I cant see their babies.I can hardly even talk to them,to my friends.This has caused me a lot of trouble because I m worried that it is going to be like that from now and on.Will I become unsocial after all? Is it like that I will avoid babies, children and new parents? How will I be if I never get a baby and a child after all?
All those questions and my very deepest grief made me take the decision to visit a psychotherapist. Although, I did that just after our loss for about 2 months, now I understand that I have to continue to get more help.
Our pain is so deep and we face our loss every day and every moment. We see our baby in everything, we imagine his excistance in everything we do and at the same time we miss him so much. I can understand how you feel siya because I feel the same as you do.Life can be very very hard sometimes and we cant undestand why. Sometimes I feel that it is unfair what happened to us. Then I say to my self that the universe has it' s own logic and reasons for things to happen.We are not always in control of things.
One thing is certain for the moment:I have to deal with my pain and grief to survive. If I dont survive, this will hurt my few nearest people who love me and they probably get the same pain as I have got in my life now because of my loss of my dearest dearest baby.I think that this is the thought that kept me alive in moments of tremendous pain.Also the hope of a new pragnancy and a new child, although as the time goes by I reallise that each child is indispensable.We will always miss our first baby.
I hope you manage to go on siya.
You are not alone,somewhere on this planet, faraway of your country,someone is dealing with the same experiance and the same feelings.
see you :-)
2007-06-23
#3
Name: K.Radha Subject: Not 2 in 5
Dear Siya,
If you' re asking if I think you' re crazy than the answer is NO! Definately not. However, if you feel that you could benefit from seeing a psychiatrist or a counsellor than I whole heartly support that decision. You know, this is no easy thing to get through and a lot of people have found themselves in need of professional help. I myself saw a counsellor for some months after we lost our daughter and I will also admit that I took anti-depressants for a short time also.
Your reaction to babies is natural and very common. I know of a lady who' s daughter was stillborn and she did not hold or go near another baby until she gave birth to another of her own some 3 years later. For her it was far too painful and she isn' t the first or last woman to react like this. There was an occasion where I literally ran away from my sister in law because I could not bring myself to see my new niece... I avoided her for about 7 or 8 months so I hope this has made you feel like what you' re going through is not uncommon. I don' t need to tell you what sort of emotions seeing a baby can bring up in a bereived parent but I will say that they' re powerful and justified! Just being around a baby takes great emotional strength and if you feel that holding a baby will upset you than do not hurt yourself by even trying.
Your concerns that 2 in every 5 babies will die is not necessary as the numbers are much lower than that. I managed to find the 1997 statistics for India and they are as follows:
Perinatal Mortality rate (around the time of birth)
71.6 per 1000 births
Stillbirth rate
39.1 per 1000 births
Neonatal Mortality rate (within the first 4 weeks)
37.7 per 1000 live births
Early neonatal Mortality rate (within the first week)
33.8 per 1000 live births
It might surprise you that women have approximately a 98% chance of a healthy child and after a loss your chance decreases by just 1%... That is 97% in YOUR favour! No one is guarenteed a baby simply because they' re pregnant, no one! I am so very, VERY sorry that your darling son Paras died and I doubt that there is anything I can say that will make you hurt less but in time you will slowly recover. You won' t be the same person and you' ll never forget your son but in time you will conceive more children and while they' ll never take the place of Paras, you will be happy that they your son or daughter. Immensely happy!
I wasn' t too sure from your post who it was you meant to say you felt hate for... Do you mean that there are days you feel resentment toward Paras for dying? If so, that' s not unusual. Many people find that they' ll feel some anger, even hatred, toward their child for this. I know it sounds crazy but it isn' t. Many a woman has felt frustration hate anger and resentment at some point toward their child. And why not!?! If they had not died, if they had been stronger you wouldn' t be in this heart broken position. You' re not alone in thinking this way but it is only a stage... Deep down you know no child would forsake their mother as no mother would forsake their child. Sadly death is a part of life and it stirs up a miriad of emotions.
All I can suggest is that you get a note pad and write down your feelings. The good and the bad. Also you could try building memories of your son, ultrasound images, things that remind you of him, poetry, write him a letter about how much you love him and wish he was here and place it all in a special box. All those wonderful memories you have and the happy times in your pregnancy should not be forgotten... You might even ask those who saw Paras to write down what they felt when they saw him, what they remember and keep these in the box also, in time they' ll bring back happy memories and in the mean time it will give you something to remember him by... It has only been about 4 months since Paras died and it' s a hard loss to bear. Weren' t you and your hubby going to try for another child soon? Have you come to a decision regarding that?
Siya, you' ve been through hell. Lets not play about with words! You have gone through the most tragic loss known in this world but you' re not alone. There are many people here who will offer their thoughts and advice should you ask for it and we' re all here to give our support to each other. You do need to be brave, and you need to be strong and try as hard as you can to be positive but you don' t have to do it alone. Never forget that. And no you' re not crazy, unusual or in need of a psychiatrist. I sincerely wish you all the best and of couse should you ever need me I am only a post away!
2007-06-27
#4
Name: Trtyingtobepositive Subject: Thanks
Thanks for the best wishes.I agree that across the boards the chances are 1% less.However,I wasn´ t talking specifically about myself.The doctor made a general statement.Just like you said,every woman has a 97% chance of having a healthy baby.And I am going to hang on to it.
Take care,
NS
2007-06-27
#5
Name: K.Radha Subject: :)
Hey Mis Positive!,
You are right when you say that your chances are the same. That 1% is spread across the board and includes all forms off loss which includes genetic and physical issues so while for one woman the change is 0% for another it can be 27% or what ever... But divided among all of us Angel momma´ s it translates to 1%... Barely worth a worry isnt it? Hope your blood works came back with good results and I wish you the best of luck with your next fertile cycle!
2007-06-25
#6
Name: Tryingtobepositive Subject: Thanks
Thanks for the statistics.My doctor told me that after one miscarriage the chances of having a baby are no different than before
All tips on Expecting Parents
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : to k radha
Subscribe to this conversation!
All tips on Expecting Parents
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : to k radha
Subscribe to this conversation!
All tips on Expecting Parents
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
Hey, there dear! Please do not worry! I am so sorry to hear about hat you are going through. I am hoping that I can is of some help to you. But you are right on what you are saying. It is very important to stay positive. The amount of positivity that you are showing is good enough to get what you have been willing to get. I am sure that you will be able to get pregnant soo... - sanakhan [View Message]
RE:Coping With a Miscarriage
Hello there. How are you?. I hope you are doing fine. Your questions are very valid to ask. Miscarriage is a terrible thing to happen to anyone. It is feared by every woman. My sister went through 2 miscarriages a few years back. Her husband used to be out of town a lot so i accompanied her through her doctors appointments. After her second miscarriage, her doctor told her... - Olivia [View Message]
RE:Coping With a Miscarriage
Infertility is a very hard thing to hit a woman. I can't imagine what it must be like. My sister went through it. She was told that she was infertile by her doctor. Her husband was a doctor too, but besides all the knowledge they could do nothing. Then they tried going for IVF. At first they were resistant, they were double minded. But then my sister went to various fertil... - Lillian [View Message]
RE:Three miscarriages in a year...
Hey Richa, hope you are doing well. I am sorry to hear about it.I know what you have gone through. Toughest period is when one is TTC.The worst part is the miscarriages and 3 of them makes it even more hard to cope with. I agree with your husband and would advice you to take a break also. Try to regain your health.Rushing into things wont solve them. Consult a specialist a... - katherine [View Message]
RE:RE:Coping With a Miscarriage
Hey! I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Infertility is truly very painful. I can understand how your friend would be feeling. You must stay by her side forever. It is not easy but she needs your support. She must be feeling terrible. I am also infertile. I remember when I first got to know about my infertility. I could not stop blaming myself. I only felt better when... - Irene Camron [View Message]
RE:Coping With a Miscarriage
Hey! I hope you are doing well. Miscarriages are a terrible thing that can happen to a family. It is like your dream of having a child and the next moment it is all gone. There are various reasons why miscarriages happen. But I do not think that miscarriages should affect the relationship. It is the responsibility of the husband to understand that no one is at fault. If th... - Irene Camron [View Message]
RE:Pregnancy after Miscarriage
Hi there. I hope you are doing fine. I am so sorry to hear your story. Miscarriage can be very difficult to deal with. I had two miscarriages myself. And my world had just shattered. I was so devastated. But then my doctor told me to go for IVF. I wasn't on board with it, but my husband thought it was the right decision. So, after 2 tries i was finally pregnant. I am curre... - Olivia [View Message]
Hi!
Name: Trtyingtobepositive
Thanks
Thanks
Family Planning
Pregnancy
Babies
Kids
Teens
Discuss
Community
Find Listing
Videos
More
