I have read so many posts from women who feel like their hubby doesn't care or doesn't feel the same sense of loss. I know this article isn't necessarily going to make your loss any easier but it might help you to understand why it is you behave SO differently...

She Cries - He Sighs

The differences between men and women and how they grieve:

HE: \";Big Picture\";
HE: \";Thinks\";
HE: \";Logical\";
HE: \";Copes Internally\";
HE\"; \";Sighs\";

SHE: \";Details\";
SHE: \";Feels\";
SHE: \";Intuitive\";
SHE: \";Copes Externally\";
SHE\"; \";Cries\";

Potential Relationship Problems

*SHE needs to talk about the event. She goes over it time and again trying to gather every possible detail to explain why and how.
*HE feels uncomfortable dealing on such a \";feeling\"; level and finds excuses to avoid such confrontations.


*SHE takes comfort in her faith. \";God's will\"; may be the only explanation that gives any meaning to the event.
*HE is angry with God, feeling that the event invalidates his religion.


*SHE often wants to visit the grave.
*HE feels an aversion to visiting the cemetery.


*SHE withdraws, reads books on grief, and writes as a means of expressing her pain.
*HE throws himself into his work, hobby, or other activities to keep busy and avoid the pain.


*SHE expects him to grieve and behave the same as she does and thinks he doesn't care when he does.
*HE needs space to grieve in his own way and resents her for imposing her feelings on him.


*SHE seeks support groups as an outlet for her expression.
*HE wants to avoid showing his pain in front of other people, particularly strangers.


*SHE has no interest in sex and resents his desire for it at this time.
*HE wants to make love for the comfort and reassurance that comes through intimacy.


*SHE knows that her life is irrevocably changed and will never be the same again.
*HE wants her and their life back the way it was before the event.


*THEY can sometimes compete with each other to see who is grieving the hardest.
*THEY seek to escape the event by taking a vacation, moving, changing jobs, etc.
*THEY seek to numb their pain through alcohol, drugs, shopping, extramarital affairs, etc.
*THEY feel betrayed by their family and friends through their perceived lack of understanding and caring.
*THEY are both so caught up in their own grief that there is no recognition or understanding of the grief experienced by their children or extended family members.

I hope that this will be of some help to the members of this forum! Many blessings to you, your families & your precious angel babies! gk replied. is making baby thro third woman (professional womb renting) recognised by law in india?
if so, can anybody tel me if it' s available in bangalore ! howmuch it will costs ?
with best regards,
gk
38/ male AY replied. Thanks for your message Radha. Feeling much better today.I wanted to go to the cemetery all day along on anniversary but didn't physically feel up to driving there myself and didn't have the emotional strength either to initiate conversation regarding this to hubby.At 6:00 in the evening my husband suggested on his own we go to the cemetery himself.The main gates were closed by the time we reached and it was dark but we got in through side gates.When there, I was thinking if my baby was brought out even after months of being buried, I would not hesitate to hold him . I saw a documemtary on TV that apes hang on to their dead babies till all that is left are bones.
I know it sounds crazy but that's what I was thinking. Felt so much at peace after coming back.Was also glad that my parents and friends didn't call to convey New Year Wishes.Made me believe that everyone remembered.
As for trying for baby, we really started only in October.I was told to wait for 6 months because of C-section .I was so sure it would happen before anniversary comes around as I had no problem conceiving in the past.So it hasn't been too long but I know things would have been relatively easier if I was pregnant.I literally stare at newborns at malls and stores and wish I had mine with me too. AY replied. hi K.Radha,

Coming to this site after a long time.Today is Jan 1st and first anniversary of still birth of my son.Its seems even harder than it was when i lost him. May be it was sedation from drugs, physical pain of c-section
and shock that made me numb. I had hoped that we would be pregnant once again by the time anniversary comes around but that hasn't happened either.My husband has no hugs to offer and has got no words of comfort.
I am just lost. I stopped visiting websites as I began to feel that I was getting obsessed with them but here I am back again for support.