Lost my baby at 20 weeks due to PROM - Miscarriage and Child Loss Discussion Forum

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Miscarriage and Child Loss:Lost my baby at 20 weeks due to PROM

2008-02-08

Name: NC In the 19th week of pregnancy, on 28th Jan, I had gone town side for some work. Suddenly i felt a small gush of fluid that wet my inners and my jeans. Since I had not experienced anything like that in the past 20 weeks, I rushed to the nearest wash room to find that a watery liquid had drained out per vaginally and it was definitely not urine. In a state of panic, i called my doc, and he asked me to rush to the nearest ultrasound place to check for the status of baby etc...USG showed there was enough liquor, baby was moving well, good heart beat and cervix closed.
Doc asked me to go back home, rest completely and start antibiotics and bricanyl tablet to relax the uterus, and report back if i experienced any similar leakage.
For the next 12 hours, things seemed to be quiet and in the middle of the night, i experienced more such gushing of fluid. We waited till 7 am to call doctor, who asked me to get admitted for monitoring.
On admission, I was put in head low position, started on Bricanyl injections and IV high end antibiotics to prevent any infection. The fluid leakage was due to premature rupture of membranes - which happens this early in around 1 of pregnancies due to various reasons or no reason at all. USG done that evening revealed that liquor quantity was somewhat less but adequate, but the more worrisome thing was that my cervix was funneling, and the length thereby reduced to barely 2 cm, from a good 4.5 cm, 2 weeks ago.

Leaking was somewhat reduced in the next few days and the same treatment was on, with fetal heart sound monitoring and head low position -complete bedrest. Meanwhile my white blood cell count and C Reactive Protein counts came out on the higher side, suggesting infection.

An ultrasound done on Saturday (Day 5 of admission) showed that there was hardly any liquor, which was the reason why my leaking had stopped too. The white cell counts and CRP levels had come down quite well by now though. In view of hardly any liquor in Week 19/20 - my doctor felt that the prognosis was extremely poor, and it was nearly impossible to drag baby upto a viable age and he suggested termination of pregnancy as the safest option for me and baby. Saturday evening was an extremely sad and difficult day for us and we had to take a very difficult decision of not continuing the pregnancy due to such adverse consequences if we decided to continue pregnancy.

SUnday night, labour was induced, feb 4th morning i went into labour and delivered a stillborn 20 week old baby girl after 4 hours of labour pain.

I was so happily waiting to be mom in June, but fate had other plans. We turned out to be parents in Feb itself and couldn' t have the good fortune of holding our baby girl or playing with her.

Just felt like sharing our terrible loss with fellow mommas, and want to tell you expectant mommas to keep up the hope but be extremely careful of any sudden fluid rushing out before you are actually in labour.
Any mommas who have experienced 2nd trimester abortions, please write in so that I can learn how to cope with the loss and when is the right time to start trying again.

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2008-02-29

Name: MV
Subject:

To Preeti

Dear preeti,
Thanks a lot. I am little bit confuse as my mom told me not to take methi water. But you told me to take methi as in dough or in vegetable. Please let me know karella doesn' t do abortion. if it is taken in small quantity.I am scared for abortion.What is this sugar free tabletes. your sugar level became normal as you followed all these things.

Thanks
meenu

2008-03-05

Name: hope2help
Subject:

forget herbal

I would give herbal remedies a BIG miss and stick with proven medications for treating medical problems. Given that you have lost a child I think to do anything less than follow a medical doctors advice is fool hardy.

2008-02-19

Name: MV
Subject:

To Radha, and sudha,

Dear Radha and Sudha,
Thanks a lot for your support.My suger level is ok right now. I am not taking any medicine. Still i dont know it was just because of pregancy because i got to know in early pregancy , my doctor told me maybe i had earlier having this. I was so tensed that time.
For just precaution i am thinking for next time Can i take karella juice in preganancy. otherwise there is one medicine Glaboride which my doctor suggested me to take in pregnancy.It is safe for preganancy. I was taking very mild dose of it.I dont want to take any medicine thatswhy ,As I asked my doctor about Karella juice she didnt know about that any juice can control suger level. ( I am In USA)
So I want to know whether i can karela juice in pregnancy.Please give me your suggestion or any other advise i really need it.

Thanks
Meenu

2008-02-26

Name: preeti
Subject:

karela juice

what i have heard of taking karela in pregnancy is that it leads to lowering of blood pressure as i was also having gestational diabetes during my pregnancy. Better take methi seeds powder in dough and vegetables you prepare, cut down sweets completely. Dont take sugar free tablets at all in pregnancy. It will help you a lot !! All the best!

2008-02-13

Name: MV
Subject:

Can You tell me , what may be the reasons of water breaking in early preganancy. I want to talk to you. Pls send ur e mail Id.

Thanks
Take care

2008-02-18

Name: K.Radha
Subject:

for Meenu

Hi MV,

Miscarriage and Stillbirth is something that is still much of a mystery to doctors. If you talk with lots of mum´ s who´ ve been through this you will find that there are parallels, similar stories, feelings, conditions etc but there really is no defining diagnosis that can indictae who will suffer and why. After a loss women are usually treated as ´ high risk´ even if doctors are confidant that the situation won´ t be repeated. But the whole point if that absolutely no-one is guarenteed a perfect outcome to their pregnancy. Archie once told me that getting pregnant didn´ t necessarily mean that you would be taking a baby home at the end of the nine months but every moment you had matters...

Good medical care, good nutrition, exercise, enough rest and control of any other medical conditions is very important to maintain a healthy pregnancy but as for preventing loss, that is exceptionally difficult. I don´ t know a great deal about Ayurvedic medicine so you should have a frank discussion with your doctor before attemting to impliment them into your life. Medicine, any type of medicine traditional, alternative or otherwise, is still medication and it should be approved especially in your situation. For the most part I don´ t think that they will have any impact on preventing loss.

Your blood sugar levels will need to be treated by a GP, uncontrolled sugar is detrimental to your health and can cause complications for an unborn child. You might need medications or your doc might suggest that dietry changes will be enough but I must stress this is a condition that needs to be treated by a proper doctor. A lost of alternative therapies taste nasty and have high doses of sugar to mask the flavour which would react negatively if you do have issues controlling your sugar. How is your blood sugar now? One of the other Angel Momma´ s here also had uncontrolled sugar levels which she has since controlled. If you make a post here and direct it to " Sudha" she will be able to offer you some more specific advice regarding this matter. She´ s a lovely lady who´ s quite active as on this forum as you may have noticed.

Meenu, I am only guessing here but I am also fairly certain I am right in my thinking but I don´ t beleive that you have done anything to cause this to happen. As your doctors have said they are unable to give reasons why this has occurred you might find it helpful to ask if there might be anything you can do to avoid PROM, or what they plan to do to during your next pregnancy should you be at risk. You´ ve been through a very sad and rare loss, its incredibly rare for anyone to go through this more than once... INCREDIBLY RARE!!! Ultimately support is the key to surviving loss and a subsequent pregnancy. Friends, family, your partner, all of these people are often more than happy to listen to your fears and help you cope when you´ re finding it tough.

When people ask me what I think is the best course of action I have one answer: build a good support network. You would be amazed at what having a friend to rely on can do. There are lots of lasies here that are only too willing to offer you their advice and support should you need it. Do have your sugar treated by a doctor and don´ t leave it to chance... All the best and stay well

Kate

2008-02-14

Name: K.Radha
Subject:

for MV

Hi MV,

The reasons for PROM are unknown in most cases... Uncontrolled blood preasure, smoking and some infections put you at greater risk but for the most part there is rarely an answer. What I can say though is that you did nothing wrong that might have caused this... You were a perfect mother! I believe this with all my heart, every angel momma here was so good, so loving and so perfect that their child was ready to move on to the next level because they knew the greatest goodness this world has to offer- A mother who would do anything for the sake of her baby! In the case of those here, we have to let them go. It´ s heartbreaking but our babies, though far away, are still with us in our hearts.

I was sorry to read that you lost your baby, it must have been a terrible time for you and I imagine it is especially difficult given that you are still struggling to find answers... Has it been very long since your loss? The reason I ask is that you still seem rather desperate to find an answer, this is perfactly normal and we´ ve all been in your shoes where we´ re searching franticly for a reason to make sense of things... All I can say is that in time, you will slowly learn to accept things even though you might never have a reason.

MV, it is rare for any woman to truly know the reasons behind her loss, and even if they do, they still ask " why me?" ... Questioning is a natural part of the grieving process but acceptance follows. Hold tight to all of the precious memories you have... There were days when I didn´ t know how to cope with our loss and there still are days that I am as broken as when I first lost our daughter but do you know how I got through those dark days? I let go and left what I couldn´ t cope with to God... Have you ever heard that saying? " Let go and let God" ... It has comforted many and it might help you.

The most important thing is to make something positive out of all of this. Something was taken from you but you have so much left to give to life. And more than that, you have an angel on your side guiding you, your child. Find a ways to honour the life of your child and you will slowly see that this life changing experience has given you a love and a life that is greater than you ever might have expected for yourself. As I said to NC and have said to other mothers here, your baby´ s life is not ended MV it has only changed. All the best and take care

Kate

2008-02-13

Name: K.Radha
Subject:

NC, The Mother of an Angel!

Dearest NC,

I pray you are feeling well and want to say how amazed I am at your strength. You' ve been through something so difficult and heartbreaking but there was something great shining through all of that darkness. When you said you hoped to be a mother in June but instead became one in February, I must admit, I cried. So many of us lament what was stolen but amazingly you could see despite your loss you have still been given the gift of a daughter, you knew you were still a mother. I just want to tell you how sorry I am for you and your husband but I have absolute faith that you will be blessed with another child when the time is right...

Give yourself time to grieve your loss, shock and the inability to process so much of the information and enotions going through your mind can leave you swinging in between numbness and overwhelming sadness... Greif is a very personal thing and it is ipossible to say what is right or wrong or how best to cope with it. Some days will be easier than others and there will be days when you may feel you simply cannot cope but this is all part of the process. Sharing the story of our loss is often the first step many take on the road back to happiness... Writing can open you up to emotions you' ve tried hard to hide from yourself and it can remind us of little details that we might otherwise forget.

Do what you feel is best for yourself. If you feel tears coming, don' t hide them, if you want to cry do so... There is a lot of pain involved when one looses a child and it needs to be let out... Hold on to the good memories and forget the bad ones where possible. Never forget that you are a mother and your child remains with you always. Also don' t be tempted to compare your feelings and actions to those your husband is going through, men cope in very different ways. Talk as much as you need to and never let anyone tell you when it is time to move on. This will come naturally and forcing it will not make it happen any faster. Baby steps are the way to do it NC... Leave the giant leaps for man kind...

You asked when is the right time to try again and that is a question best answered by your doctor. As a rule of thumb it' s suggested you wait a minimum of 6 months to allow your body time to prepare for another pregnancy but it is said that psycologically it is healthy to wait 12 months to allow time to fully grieve. Ultimately the decision will be up to you and you will be the best judge of when the time is right for you. Build memories and get yourself a memory box to keep all the things that remind you of your little daughter... Can I ask a question? Did you name your daughter? Sometimes just saying the name can give such relief, for myself it has been some 25 months since our little angel was born and there are days I find whispering her name gives me comfort. There is a saying \" A mother holds her children in her hands only for a while but in her heart forever\" ... This is so true... Your daughter' s life is not lost but changed NC, she' s still with you but in another more secret and sacred way. Some people dream of angels but you held one, for 20 weeks you cradled a precious angel inside and your love taught her how to fly! I hope my words have offered you some small confort and would like to offer my support in anyway I am able to give it... Bless you NC, stay safe, keep smiling and never give up hope.

Kate

2008-02-14

Name: MV
Subject:

To Radha

Dear Radha,
I am really thankful to you, you replied me, i lost my child in sept 11th 2007. I terminated my preganancy in 20th week due to water loss , i think which i lost in 12t week but i couldn´ t understand at that point.I asked this question just becoz i dont want to repeat any mistake If i did.
Radha ,During my early (10th week )pregancy i got to know that my sugar level is high .that i was very tense untill i controlled it. But doctor told that is not the reasons for any cause. anyway i want to know in pragnancy any aurvedic medicine or karella juice , methi etc.can be taken for curing sugar level .
Thanks
Meenu

2008-02-13

#10

Name: K.Radha
Subject:

She cries and He sighs

Again here is something that might be insightful into the ways men and women greive differently...

I have read so many posts from women who feel like their hubby doesn´ t care or doesn´ t feel the same sense of loss. I know this article isn´ t necessarily going to make your loss any easier but it might help you to understand why it is you behave SO differently...

She Cries - He Sighs

The differences between men and women and how they grieve:

HE: " Big Picture"
HE: " Thinks"
HE: " Logical"
HE: " Copes Internally"
HE" " Sighs"

SHE: " Details"
SHE: " Feels"
SHE: " Intuitive"
SHE: " Copes Externally"
SHE" " Cries"

Potential Relationship Problems

*SHE needs to talk about the event. She goes over it time and again trying to gather every possible detail to explain why and how.
*HE feels uncomfortable dealing on such a " feeling" level and finds excuses to avoid such confrontations.

*SHE takes comfort in her faith. " God´ s will" may be the only explanation that gives any meaning to the event.
*HE is angry with God, feeling that the event invalidates his religion.

*SHE often wants to visit the grave.
*HE feels an aversion to visiting the cemetery.

*SHE withdraws, reads books on grief, and writes as a means of expressing her pain.
*HE throws himself into his work, hobby, or other activities to keep busy and avoid the pain.

*SHE expects him to grieve and behave the same as she does and thinks he doesn´ t care when he does.
*HE needs space to grieve in his own way and resents her for imposing her feelings on him.

*SHE seeks support groups as an outlet for her expression.
*HE wants to avoid showing his pain in front of other people, particularly strangers.

*SHE has no interest in sex and resents his desire for it at this time.
*HE wants to make love for the comfort and reassurance that comes through intimacy.

*SHE knows that her life is irrevocably changed and will never be the same again.
*HE wants her and their life back the way it was before the event.

*THEY can sometimes compete with each other to see who is grieving the hardest.
*THEY seek to escape the event by taking a vacation, moving, changing jobs, etc.
*THEY seek to numb their pain through alcohol, drugs, shopping, extramarital affairs, etc.
*THEY feel betrayed by their family and friends through their perceived lack of understanding and caring.
*THEY are both so caught up in their own grief that there is no recognition or understanding of the grief experienced by their children or extended family members.

I hope that this will be of some help to the members of this forum! Many blessings to you, your families & your precious angel babies!

2008-02-13

#11

Name: K.Radha
Subject:

Building Memories

This is repost of something posted some time back... You might find it helpful

*Write a letter or poem to your baby. Share you heartache and sorrow as well as your dreams of heaven.

* Make a memory box for your baby. Tuck any special mementos, letters, gifts, or cards in the box. Add items whenever you would like. (For example: festivals, due date, Mother´ s Day, anniversary of his or her death.) Look through the box alone or with others to rekindle the memories of your baby.

*Erect a cross or statue or plant a tree, bush or bulbs in your garden in memory of your baby.

*For your baby´ s birthday, consider having a small birthday cake. Tie notes or pictures to helium balloons and then release them into the sky. (our children look forward to this especially and have drawn lovely pictures to send to their sister… Also because my oldest child shares a birthday with Ishani his birthday cake has a small cup cake on top especially for her)

* For any gift-giving holiday, purchase a gift in memory of your child. Make it personal by choosing a gift according to the sex and age that your child would be, had he or she not have died. Wrap your gift and then bless a needy child in memory of your baby.

* When you are ready, consider organizing a small memorial garden at your church or temple in memory of all the children who have died from miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death.

* Choose an ornament in memory of your baby, possibly engraved or personalized with his or her name and birth date.

* Purchase or have someone make a rag doll in memory of your baby. You can use your maternity clothing, or clothing that you had purchased for your baby. (clothing, blankets) Include the doll in family photos if you wish.

* Stitch a nursery sampler for your baby, or make a quilt. Use scraps from your maternity clothes and your baby´ s clothing or blankets.

* Press a flower from your garden or flower shop reflecting the season your baby died. Tuck it in a keepsake box or make it into a bookmark for your Bible or another special book.

* Put together a scrapbook. Include ultrasound photos, baby shower photos, and all other information pertaining to your pregnancy. Journal in this scrapbook. (make sure you use quality products, so that you " preserve" these memories.)

*Start a collection of figurines for you baby, starting with his birth. (we have chosen angels for Ishani ) Add a figurine for each birthday and/or special occasions.

*Buy fresh flowers for your home to enjoy while remembering your baby. (Ishani was cremated, I keep a vase a fresh flowers beside her ashes)

*Make a scrap book that contains any or all of the following items:
- pictures
- cards
- hospital bracelet(s)
- birth/death certificate
- poetry

*Create or buy a special frame for your baby´ s picture(s) or birth certificate. (We have a silver frame with Ishani’s name engraved and a beautiful photo of her)

*Buy a Birthstone Babies necklace, Mother´ s Ring, Angel pin, or other appropriate jewellery.

*Contribute to your local church, temple, school, library, or favourite charity in your baby´ s name.

*Donate a children´ s or pregnancy loss book to your local library or give one to your local hospital for the next couple who suffers a child loss

*Visit the cemetery and take some flowers or a plant with a small toy to leave there.

*Reach out to others who have lost a baby to share your experiences. (I swear this is an EXCELLENT way to continually honour your child and you can make some great friendships with people who can also know in their heart what each other has been through)

*Buy a special reminder of your baby for your work space. (Both my hubby and I have photos of Ishani in our cars and on my desk at work I keep a small angel figuring)

*Get a special candle to light each year on your babies birthday

*Consider sponsoring a less fortunate child (we’ve a sponsor child in Ghana named Hadii, he’s a gorgeous child and its surprising how good it makes us feel knowing that money we would have spent on Ishani’s upbringing is now helping a child in real need)

2008-02-11

#12

Name: MV
Subject:

how are you

Dear NC,
I can understand ur situation and can feel ur heartbreath as I also went through the same trauma when i did terminate my pregnancy in 20th week due to water break. do you know the cause of it. I still cant satisfied myself why it is happened.
due to stress i happens.
please let me know if you anything. If u can send me ur email id i can talk to you directly.

Take care.
MV

2008-02-11

#13

Name: NC
Subject:

Agree

I completely agree with what you' ve written Sudha. Ila will always be our first baby, and after enduring the labour pains and a bout of General Anaesthesia for a check curettage, I was happy to be relieved of the pain and just wanted to be home in a familiar setting...
When I reached home the following day, it felt even more painful to be surrounded by all the happy memories we had built over 4 months...our endless conversations starting and ending with baby...at no cost will the new baby replace Ila or her angelic presence in our lives...and we are really not keen on rushing into it...we really need the time with each other to heal each other, provide the succor which we can get only in each others' arms...we do plan to get away some place..

I can completely imagine your pain and tears - I have started reading ' The Secret' once again trying to apply all their principles in our current condition...also reading up on the Emotional Freedom Techniques at the recommendation of a dear friend for self healing...
wonder if i can get your mail id so that I can directly write to you..
Warm hug for your support dear friend
N

2008-02-12

#14

Name: sudha.chakravarty
Subject:

hi NC

u see my name jst add g ...and then mail after it
i need to camoflouge as this site doesnt allow u to directly post it
well yes come over it share ur feeling how silly they may sound will u beleive i had planned such a elaborate b day for Rishona but at the end couldnt do it jst ended up cooking her fav biriyani and boondi raita which we all put it in her name
now hoe do we know she like biriyani whne she ws in i had prep biriyani and everytime she used to jump the whole day when i used to cook so though may b thats her fav....
she ws a really good child responded to all my thoughts and talks
i hope my next child will learn something from her ...and she will dearly teach as a younger child...
god bless u and keep in touch

2008-02-09

#15

Name: sudha
Subject:

hi NC

i m trying to post but they r not letting me post
i will try some time later i have though written to u in june due board
god bless u and give u the courage

2008-02-11

#16

Name: sudha
Subject:

even im turning 31 this yr....
but have not really rushed in why im telling u to wait is because..we as humans have a normal tendency to substitute ...she will remain ur 1st born jst like our little Rishona but in our mind with the other child we tend to put him/her in his place which is wrong jst like all ur children r different so shall b ur angel baby .. i consciously not try to fill her place with the other children we plan...and beleive me this takes time also u should take time to ocme out of the trauma and shock..i lost her 34 weeks.. i felt so numb ...lost like a living tomb stone..and at a moment in the hospital whne nothing ws hapening i asked the doc to remove the dead body frm inside me and then i ws given a v v high dose of induction i deliverd with 2 hrs and when i woke up after an hr my 1st words were im hungry and i want to go home...i still feel the sting of tears whne i write u this...i fought so many days to overcome this feeling
whatever stage u loose ur preg the loss is same and give it some time
because if u rush in too fast u may become obsessed and it may give counter reaction
i would say as ur post partum bleeding stops u take in a holiday and give each other time
but if u still wish to let nature its turn its ur wish
god bless u

2008-02-10

#17

Name: NC
Subject:

Thank you Sudha

Read your message on the June board...thanks indeed for your kind words - it felt good to share with the kind hearted ppl on the board.
I´ ve just turned 31 which is why I don´ t want to spend too much time waiting - i just want to let things take their own course...if nature wishes that we get preg soon enough so be it...our guardian angel should be looking over us this time and protect us

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Last 7 Posts of this Board

RE:hi richa

Hello ridhi .. i read your comment on post reoccurrent miscarriage .. m dealing with the same situation as of its my 3rd miscarriage in a row .. please help n suggest me the nAme of your doctor..... - Vishal [View Message]

RE:High TNF-Alpha can be reason fr early miscarriages

Wow Neeta. You sound very familiar to all these cellular terminologies. Very few patients and women are found knowledgeable.
In moat cases the gynecologists and doctors do not let the couple or the patient understand reason of miscarriage and infertility.
In my cases luckily I met Dr. Rajeev Agarwal (Director of Care IVF in Kolkata) before I enroll myself for ... - Shreya [View Message]

RE:High TNF-Alpha can be reason fr early miscarriages

hello neeta,
conceiving is major task in one women life, it is done when they do not have any health issues, its becoming very hard to conceive only you should first confirm it.... - nitu [View Message]

RE:High TNF-Alpha can be reason fr early miscarriages

hello neeta,
its really not good whatever happened with you, and your desire would get fulfilled also, i really wish blessing for you, and your life get sorted out as soon as possible.... - divya [View Message]

RE:Miscarriage in 20 weeks!!!

This is really sad and my deep concerns are with you, please make yourself busy in some activities and try be happy as much as you can please do not worry at all.... - Aditi [View Message]

RE:Miscarriage in 20 weeks!!!

Oh my god this is very sad to happen and that to twice, will pray for you and god will give you the strength to fight against this and I'm sure god will give you the joy happiness what yo are trying for.... - Amaira [View Message]

RE:Miscarriage in 20 weeks!!!

Hi please believe in god as he is great and surely will make you happy and will bless with a kid, just be strong at this point of time as your husband would also be broken and he also needs the support.... - Anita [View Message]

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