dear all,
i have had 2 recurrent miscarraiges. i cant explain how hard it is. most difficult is that no one understands you, no amount of \";it was gods wish\"; , \";it was not meant to be\"; helps.
my problem is that i am not even supported by my husband. he gets angry if i am feeling depressed. he wants me to be happy all the time. he says that i am not satisfied, and we would be fine if we do not have children. he doesnt even come with me to the docs office. i feel very lonely. help.
at the same time i am happy that he doesnt put any pressure on me to have a child
what do i do neha replied. hi all,
long silince from me.
but was reading your replies all this time.
dont know what do i say.
thanks for understanding me.
yes k radha , i did think about it and do believe that he truly loves me.
4 of my neighbours conceived round the same month as me. i had a miscarraige. but never linked it to their babies.
it was 2nd baby for 3 of us.
ok after she had the baby this lady priya, told her son not to play with my daughter and tell her that he will no longer play with her as he has his own brother now while she has no one.
that small boy so innocently came to me and told me that his mom asked him to say this but he still wants to come over and play.
why , why drag my daughter into this???????
he said that to her, but she is too small to understand.
dreading if this happens again.
saw ishanis photo, cat stop crying. a lovely baby. now she is in peace and knows nothing but happiness.
neha sudha replied. dear neha ,
i fully support radha . men are not tuned like us to show their feelings he really cares for you thats the reason he is not presurising you for another child . he knows the exhausion you went through .share your thought and let him know you love him and just give some time . see your dr. regularly and one day you too will be a proud mother
may god bless you K.Radha replied. Dearest Neha,

I am sorry for your loss and let me say now that you do not need to explain how you feel here... We know, we understand and we care! I think most women here are in your position, in one way or another everyone here has known the isolation you're feeling. So you don't know what to do, I'm going to offer my advice on what to do... You need to come here as often as you can, we're all sisters in our shared experience. Consider everyone here your family & start leaning on the ladies here because they will support you until you can support yourself. In time you will then be strong enough to offer support to another.

As for the heartless comments, well, people don't stop to think before they speak so just excuse their stupidity, words don't help so don't feel that there is something wrong when these words fail you... These are things that people can say only because they've never lost a child. Its ignorance and Neha these words are NEVER going to bring comfort. Sometimes it is good to add your own perspective to the things people say... As for it \" It's God's wish\" ... God's wish was for you to be a mother to your baby and you still are. It's certainly not a normal form of parenting but I am sure that in your heart you are holding your child close and still raising them.

I have never quite worked out how to put a positive twist on \" it wasn't meant to be\" ... I want to scream when people say that. If our children were never meant to be they would NEVER have been conceived. Maybe they were never meant to feel sunshine on their skin or to be a part of this earth but as a person they were as important and as meant as anyone else. Actually my secret belief is that these babies are special, too special for this world. Think about it... Who in this world gave you as much joy as that baby, even if you only had a short time together I bet this baby is the single most important person in you life. Tell me they are not special!

Have you ever heard the saying \" people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a life time\" ? I am still working on the reasoning, but like I have said, my belief is that these were special children, too precious, too good to face this cruel world and because in our own way we're special enough to live through this & know this secret pain. Our time physically with our babies was only for a season but our love, our memories and our maternal ties are for a lifetime. Its magic that these children are all three...

Your husband's behaviour is typical. Men have a marvelous ability to accept this loss and move on. It's sometimes hard not to see their attitude as callous or uncaring but it is just one of the many differences of our sexes. A woman will grieve forever, in time she will cope better but it will never end. It is important that you & your hubby talk through these things, his anger is not because he doesn't care... It is because he does and because he just can't quite understand your feelings. He wants you to be happy, its a little misguided but it is out of love that he does this. He must honestly love you a lot to have the opinion that your lives will be marvelous with or without children. Try to remember that when he is forgetful of your sadness.

Now! Do not hide your sadness or feel like you must be little miss happy. That is such a dangerous thing to do emotionally and all that pain that must be worked through will eventaually come and get you. And remember, your baby had a life that was changed, not taken! nidhi replied. hi neha
i can understand ur feeling.pls take a positive look,this kind of behaviour of ur husband is natural bcoz we can express our feelings and sorrow by crying but man cannot and it leads to a behaviour change.show ur affection towards ur husband,and tell him that in hard times u need his supportslowly slowly things will get changew.have faith in durga maa,every thing will be alright.my best wishes are with u. Mamta replied.
Hi Neha,

I'm from the March 07 board. Being a woman, I can understand how tough it is to deal with such a loss. I want to extend my moral support to you. Please don't feel lonely and depressed. Whenever you want to share anything or want to talk to, please feel absolutely free.

Please try to be positive and be patient. Easier said than done, but I know it takes a lot of courage to deal with these situations. And I know you are a tough woman.

Things will eventually turn out fine. Thats for sure. Nobody can feel for the baby the way a mother does and thats the reason other people are reacting differently. That doesn't necessarily mean they don't feel for the loss. Maybe your husband doesn't want to see you depressed and that why he gets angry. Please be patient and everything will be fine.

Take care and all the best!