Relationships  Discussion Forum

dear friends,

i am in a joint family with my mil,fil and an younger bil.in my house i am treated like an illiterate though i have done post graduation.basically my speaking of telugu and my mil side´s telugu is different.they keep on teasing for nonsense reasons.they will expect me to be quite without answering any thing.in their house no one will speak ,no one is sportive,always silent,don´t allow me to watch tv,don´t allow me to touch any sort electronic equipments and absolutely treat me like a leprosy patients.but always expect me to give high respect to my bil who is younger which i do.also my mil´s sis´s daughter will come cooly and she will take control of everything including my husband´s check book.my husband is on business visa and he is in US.my mil does´nt show me any sort of bank details of my husband..rather she is taking care of everything.my mil has taken my hubby´s documents and not even giving me any freedom of enyoing life,being peaceful life for me..i am also working in an mnc bank and she is asking me to leave the job which i do not want..i am staying in my mil´s house as a paying guest. i hate to stay in the house and during weekends they want me to stay back at house and do all sort of help to her móm´s house..my mil and fil r highly educated but treating me like an uneducated person.these things r ok..which i am used to from past 2 yrs..my bil will order me in doing things and scolds me.if i say anything my inlaws starts complaining to my parents.they haf given strict instructions that not to call up my parents.i am the only daughter and my parents r asking me to leave the place and join them.but i am showing my considerations towards my husband.he is good but he is not good enough in taking any decision..also very affectionate to his parents..i am thinking of changing him from past 2 yrs which is not happening..i am confused..he wants me to think my bil as my brother and his parents as mine..how can i do???i am not liking them..i haf been tortured like anything..they haaf asked me that not invite my parents also..this is the major disaster in my life..past 23 yrs my parents r evrything now how can i ask????please help me i am not able to do anything..i am communicating with my parents thr STD booth since she will check my cell bill.i have no privacy in the house.she will read my letters also,search my cupboards,my purse everything also asks me to spend money for my bill.one day i came from office at 10ó clock due to hectic pro in the bank..my bil insisted me to get some snacks from a bakery and did´nt allow me to step inside the gate..my in laws did´nt say anything..i was totally tired but was helpless.i went to 5 kms and got him reaching house by 11...she ensures that bil is filled first then my fil and atlast askes me to haf food..i am used as a scape goat..hence my parents r asking me to divorce and go back to b´lore.please help me ..i am spending my time in temples and bank..i will be waiting to get out of house during morning..please help me ........ sunitha replied. dear suman,
i think he comes back only after 1 month or 2.i am thinking of going to my mother´s place for 1 or 2 months.i am fed up with this sort of life.at present i am in chennai and t´rrow i am leaving to b´lore.i haf not told this plan to my ils...let me reveal after some time...
thank u so much for ur advise...it was like moral support to read ur´s and dil´s message...
thanks
sunitha sunitha replied. dear dil,

thank u so much for ur advise.i will try this.also i am thinking of going to my mother´s place till my husband comes back.let my ils say anything.i don´t care.i feel this is the high time..
thank u so much...dil...i shall try ur suggestion.
sunitha. dil replied. Dear Sunitha,

Are you keeping in touch with your husband ? Do you speak/email him regularly ? How long is your husband going to stay in US ? Once he comes back to India, then immediately ask him to make a separate house. Don't speak about making a separate house when he is in the US. Incase he disagrees then surely go to your parents house and tell him that you will come back only if he makes a separate house. Your ILs are taking advantage of you because you are very submissive. When your parents are on your side, why do you fear your ILs.

All the best suman replied. you are going through this much & where is your husband?..it is his responsibility to take of you, no matter which country he lives.& you are calling him good????.everyone loves ther parents but that doesn't mean he can leave u in his place if they treat u like this.you better go along with him , where ever he goes or stay in your parents house if he is not there..i wouldn't recommend Divorce.