Relationships  Discussion Forum

Me n my husband got married about a year ago & come from two different cultures. My in-laws don't live with us now but were visiting us for 6 months in the first year of our marriage. My MIL seems like an intelligent outgoing woman. But while their stay they wanted me to do everything as per their culture. Its hard for me to do that coz I don't want to give up what I grew up with. I probably would have done it willing if she weren't so overbearing. Is it really important that i have to become one of them to be accepted in the family? Or is it just an ego thing (for both of us)? Even with the daily chores she seldom helped me but was always big on giving advice & correcting me (although i worked by butt off while they were here). All this has left me with a lot of frustration & anger. They might live with us eventually & it gives me nightmares when i think of it. Those 6 months were like hell. I would like to have a peaceful life & do what I want to do in my house. Someone please help !! Thankfully my husband is very supportive of me, but somehow he can't help me with the anger i feel for them.
Wow replied. Be proud of your cultural heritage. This is the 21st century. A world that believes in self help. Ok, six months weren't enough. Now, everyone will live together?? There is something wrong with this picture. Ok, as an alpha male...I am and WILL put my foot down. No NO NO more....pleasing of f&(&(*&g assholic in laws. Someone, if they can't accept you unconditionally...then to hell with them. Culture, is so emphasized. Who is really following age old traditions. There is respect and everything has to be in mutual agreement. How's this: my sil and brother lived with us for over a year. I treated her like an angel. Now this buffy (sil) was a witch at heart. Please, be honest with yourself. Stay the heck away from negative people. Your spirits need to lifted not drowned. Pray, exercise, and eat healthy. Don't be pushed around! Take care. Lastly take the mil to an adult joint. Maybe her frustrations will be over. Bye. juvinile replied. SMK,
The basis of all the frustration and anger is that you are accumulating each and every bad feeling in your heart. Dont let yourself to that torture. The basis of a loving relationship is open communication. Self sacrifice doesnt pay in the long run. But at the same time you have to understand others feelings. Dont work like an Adarsh Bahu, Be like a daughter for them. Try to remove all diplomacies. Dont hide feelings in your heart. And think simple. For example, tell her that it becomes difficult for you to work in their way. I mean dont argue, just request. You will have to lower your ego obviously. Ego doent give any advantage in forming good relation with anyone not only in-laws. For example, if you say pls, pls, pls pls mom let me do this work this way. Dont consider her to be your compettitor. And remember to take care of them, if not for anything at least their old age. Talk to your husband, be open to him he is your vent for all the feelings. Perhaps I sound to idealistic, but at least you can try. One cannot throw away parents after marrying. They are there so why not make life better along with them. Tell your husband to gradually teach his parents to retire from their lives. I mean stop taking decisions on your part. Do this but lovingly and understandingly, to break a monotony of a life time will take quite a time, isnt it? In short, be open, not a Adarsh Bahu, and think simple.