i am having a 6yr old girl. i was confused whether to try for another child but my husband wanted a bro or sis for our first child. i conceived 2 weeks before but had a miscarraige. i am feeling very depressed as everybody is blaming me. i also feel guilty as i wasted my time in deciding whether to go for a second child or not. now i feel its too late to try for another child as the gap will be too much. please advice debbie replied. hi,i am 28 yrs old and engaged,i have a 5 yr old daughter,i had had a misscarriage at 10 weeks 12 mths ago and am finding it hard to fall pregnant again,i am really sad still of the thought of my loss,and i find myself still crying.it has been 12mths now and i can't let go.is there something wrong with me?is that why i can't fall pregnant.i am scared of my age and the age of my child she soon will be 6yrs old and still no siblings
:( shaily replied. meera,

i dont think it was ur fault!

regarding age difference, i have friends and collegues who have children with an age difference of 10 and 13 years also! its all in ur mind.my friends sis has delivered a healthy baby at the age of 41!her elder one is 13.

if u want to have a child, adopt a healthy lifestyle, catch hold of a good doc and go ahead!!

all the best
shaily
jan06 board K.Radha replied. Dearest Meera,

I honestly do hope that you're feeling better. I am so sorry for your loss but regardless your decision to have a child was because of the love you share with your husband and the love you have to give as a mother. As sad as this situation was it was done with the very best of intentions, how can that be something negative in anyway?

Congratulations on your decision to try for another child, you have my prayers for a healthy pregnancy. I hope that your next child will be every bit as beautiful as your little girl and that your family is blessed with the abundance of love that only children can bring...

K.Radha replied. Meena,

I think it is natural for one to feel guilty... I myself am experiencing a real sense of guilt I cant quite shake but deep down I know that it is in my head, just as it is in yours. I am not being harsh, I just know that you really are blameless and that you need to stop finding reasons or allowing reasons to make you believe that your guilt is justified... I do hope that this feeling passes and you learn to look back on the decisions you made with happiness Aarti replied. Meera,

I am not sure about your family setup and where you live. If it is helpful, can you just limit your sources of support to those who really care? I lost a baby during the 17th week of pregnancy. What really helped was not to discuss anything with friends and family. I spoke only to my mother, husband and a very close friend. People can be quite insensitive even when they try to \";help\";. It delays your emotional healing to hear unwanted comments. Of course if you are in a joint family setup this might not be possible.

Please do not blame yourself for what happened or even your indecision. Bringing a baby into this world is not a small issue. I admire people who give it a good amount of thought.

My brother and I are seven years apart. It was easier for my mother to care for him since I was all grown up. I was able to assist my mother and proudly called myself \";the little mother\";. So, it is not too late.

It might be too early for you to think in these terms. Now that it is 4 months since I lost my pregnancy I am starting to believe that this was part of fate/karma (whatever you can call it). It had to happen for some unknown reason. You had to go through this pain.

I pray that you will find solace. All my best wishes, Aarti K.Radha replied. Meera,

Do not feel guilty in anyway about loosing your child. Somethings are out of our hands no matter how we wish we could control them. Do not let anyone make u feel this is your fault. It is never too late to have the joy a baby can bring and time can not be considered wasted when it is spend on a child... Be it time with them playing, time spend carrying them in your womb or time spent wondering if you should have one...

I lost hope in life because I lost my daughter on the eve of her birth just 3 weeks back and I wondered what meaning there could be... The meaning of life is to learn love, I believe that with all my heart... We can never hope to be released of life until we learn this lesson... For some it takes many lifetimes, for others only one... I can't help but think that for every woman who has lost a child she has given a love so great that the child is able to learn lifes lesson in an instant... Next time someone tries to make u feel bad I hope that you will feel otherwise knowing that your child attained something that few of us learn in a life time... The lesson of true love... And that is a gift only you could have given your child... You are a wonderful mother, remember that