Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi Ladies
I am married of 5 years to a very loving husband and have 1 child. I came to US as a teenager and am independent yet very Indian. Ours was a love marriage and my husband is from India. I had no issues with my in-laws since we were living in two different countries - until last year. They came for the birth of our son and I saw their true nature coz they stayed with us for 6 months.

They are from a lower middle class bkgs and are very traditional. They believe that women are servants in the house and men do nothing. They are loving and caring but only to the men and not the women. They treated me like a servant - asking me to do the housework (NOT THE COOKING) and driving them around. Neither of them can walk so I have to drive them everywhere. If I leave the house to get some space, they complain that I am galavanting without them. The Mother in law is very chant...she will act as if she loves me in front of my husband but behaves kind of rude behind his back. She also has wept to my husband saying that I am not nice to her - when I complained to her. My father in law does nothing all day and mother in law cooks horrible greasy food and watches tv all day. On top of that they take over my whole house even though they have their own room - blasting TV or napping on the couch. My mother in law does not let me cook and when I do she' s always watching over me and trying to correct everything I do. She always wants me to do everything the way she does it.

Now my FIL has made a plan that every 6 months they want to come to US. I dont like that. Not only that they want to come for my sons first birthday and we are moving to a new home. I dont want them here. If possible, never. I just dont like them - we are worlds apart - we have NOTHING in common. But I want to keep my husband happy. He changes when they are here - becomes kind of like them. And expects me to suck it up.

Now that they want to come here every 6 months, and they are both very old. If something happens to them when they are here, we will have to foot the medical bill - insurance is not an option - my FIL is almost 80.

I believe that we should be good to our elders - that is part of our sanskriti. But how to tolerate and deal with such backward thinking mindless people??? Especially when all they want to do is suck us dry of all our savings.

HELP!


sonu1 replied. U in a bit of a dilema....
bit of a hard one to be honest....i know what u mean when u say they take over the house...but u know what u sometimes need to be direct to them...when u are in the kitchen cooking just say that i like to cook on my own and u know what u are doing but in a polite way..and if she wants u to do things her way then just say that u are not used to it and this is the way u do it...mention the fact that there is no right or wrong way of doing it..dont worry my mil does the same she keeps on saying that oh in ours we do it like this and in ours we do it like that but i just do the way i want to....i tried to compromise to kep them happy but they were never happy so gave up in the end and now do everything my way...its ur life to a degree and why should u change urself for people who dont wnat to help and compromise with you...
you need to speak to ur husband too and tell him that pls dont change when they come over as it causes u problems...maybe he can have a word with them and tell them..is he the only son? do ur inlaws have any other family near where u are? like any daughters where they can stay there for a while?