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I too have same problem. You said cooking should be done preferably by family member. but how practical is that? I dont think i will ever be able to manage cooking with baby and office so i have kept a cook. You said you have 2 kids, do you cook how do you manage cooking? How to manage a mil who sites with big face like that when i come home from office? seems ur mil is good so u never faced the problem? Saheli replied. Hi Priya,
Ok this is going to be a long one!

I m so happy to see other responses before i replied! It feels good people are with you. Gives you strength.

I understand your situation. We all DILs on this board are with you. Dont worry, things will be better, its just a matter of time. However ur mil is, dont waste this time of your life in worrying about her. Dont miss the small moments of happiness that come our way waiting for a big one. Whenever u feel sad, just post a message here.

Well, for your questions, I dont have the ideal answers as I have limited knowledge. But we all know what the proffessional counsellors would say on today' s scenarios - look at positive sides, dont worry too much, ignore mil problems, try adjust, speak up but politely where u feel wrong, dont expect from them, if u cant cook get a maid, oldies feel insecure so consider that as well, etc etc etc.

Not going into all that. But yes, I believe cooking should be done by a family member. And I can give you a list of good reasons for that. Now this is my opinion, i think in today' s scenarios where DIL is working, the ideal way to handle cooking should be like this.

Get a maid who does all the pre-cooking and the mil should only do the tadka. We know this task is not a big effort. It will also keep mil' s ego as maid is doing pre-cooking and making rotis. It will give all homely taste of food. It will keep MIL' s mind busy. It will make MIL take control of kitchen but let her do that, let her be busy. Empty mind is devil' s paradise (Men out there, hope u r reading this! :-). And this will give DIL time to be with kids. MIL is bored looking after kids all day so cooking is a change for her. DIL is tired from office so she gets rest. Kids get mom. Hubby gets home cooked food, his mom' s!
Also respect the MIL - she is now old and cant manage all the cooking alone. So maid is there to help her out and DIL should pitch in as and when possible. What could be better?

Problem is, who will bell the cat? I think its time the husband' s stepped in. If they dont dare ask their mothers to take care of cooking but want to, they can otherwise say ' i dont like maid' s food, i dont even like my wife' s food too much, i love ur food only, so please cook for me' If mother refuses, pleade her for one meal atleast (so far so good). I dont think any mother would refuse to \" mom, cant u do this much for me, i love ur food so much, and its only your awesome tadka as the maid will do rest' .

See if you can talk to your hubby about this.

How do i manage? I let the maid cook both meals. My baby is still feeding and I prefer to spend time with kids before/after office. But as the baby grows up and I get time for myself, I am gonna take up as much cooking as possible - again - only the Tadka part. If not more, atleast i will do the sabji.

Even now, on weekends, saturday breakfast and one dinner is mine. Sometimes on weekdays I cook some dinner, or mummy-special-parathas for my kid. I keep making snacks too.

Once the baby grows up to kid, things would be easier and you will get time to cook. The kid will also start demanding, and you will find out time to cook! So dont worry.

My mil is v fond of good food (is herself n excellent cook) and she just doesnt like maid' s food. I know she suffers bec of maid' s food. But for her ego! She wd suffer and crib but wont When But she cant take maid' s food for more than 2-3 days she goes and cooks dinner on 4th day and enjoys her food!
Good for me too :)

No need to feel guilty for not being able to cook. Dont u think its MIL and hubby who should be feeling guilty? You are doing so much more, he is not even helping you or asking his mom to help.

As for th mil who sits with a big face, one answer would be going to her and asking her whats wrong, saying sorry if she complains about things and getting her back to merry mood. And yes, doing this always whenever she is angry.
Seems tough? :) True. May not be it is for a DIL who has looot of patience!
Second option is to talk out. Like I have mentioned in my post to \" De\" .
If you think she wont understand polite options then have guts let the mil know that she is being partial to you and that you dont like it. Remind her that the treatment she is giving to you, she doesnt give to her son, not to anyone else.
But then be prepared for whatever happens. Be ready for hubby' s reaction, for MIL' s scenes, etc etc.

I have done this once long back. Once my mil started scolding me over a trivial thing and went over to digging out what not. I interrupted her and said excuse me, but dont u think u r being too rude? She said not at all. I said just answer 1 q mummy, have u ever treated your son like this for his mistake ever? I havent seen. Is it fair to treat someone else' s child like that? A girl has left her people her town everything and staying with you, trying to adjust, do u think u have been fair by treating me like that? Please dont forget that God is watching us .. and both you and me know who is doing injustice. Today or tomorow he will punish you for what you are doing to me.

My words about God probably opened her eyes. After that she did create a big scene and stopped talking to me for many days. My hubby had also got worried. But I knew my hubby wont say anything to me so i had taken that step.

She is otherwise a nice person but used to behave bad to me just like other mils. I really hate sitting with the big face like that. What do they think? They are queens or something that we go and pleade? Why dont they expect same from their sons?

Anyways. Off late, she has changed for good.
Thats my story. Hope u r feeling better now.

saheli vrinda replied. Hi Priya,
I m sad to know abt ur mil condition.Take heart. do not feel guilty abt keeping a cook !! May be cooking done by family member is practical in Saheli' s case but you two are different persons living in different families.Since u work full time i really think its a very good idea to keep a cook and then u can spend time with ur kid.cook can be trained to make better food .as for mil , learn to draw a line which she should not cross and if she doeses then let her know that, stand up for urself. one should never allow others to treat herself/himself like doormat. Let mil pass bad comments abt the food made by cook.most of mil are of this kind only,they love pointing out that dil is incapable to running a perfect house.some even make this daily fault picking their full time career !! learn to enjoy life even in the presense of her.move if u can else put up with her with ur self respect in tact.remember,that god is watching and if mil is doing evil to u then she will get her dues in time.n by being depressed,teary n sad coz of her nit picking u r not punishing her, u r punishing yourself.so, please take care,revise ur mental lifestyle. Priya replied. why cant my mil cook? she sits all day and does no work and when food is bad she passes hurty comments. Is there any ideal solution for families like us or time will just pass suffocating like this?will out daughters also suffer same like said in your poem? i was really sad after reading that. I feel guilty for having the cook do u think i am doing wrong? i feel like getting up and questioning my mil why she treats me like that. i sometimes feel like yelling at her loudly. I dont know i am really sad just letting out my emotions here.