Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,
Before entering this site, I thought I was the only one suffering from in-law tantrums. Now I know the reality. Now listen to this and tell me whether mine is better or worse.
My problems started right on day one of my marriage. we stayed at my place for the first night. The very next day my hubby tells me “today will be your last day here. dont think of coming here in future”. I was shocked to the core. The answer was “I don’t like anyone here and there is no respect for me!” Right from that day he starts a big fight whenever I want to visit my parents.

My MIL is very dominating. I must wear only sari at home and not even a nighty, even at night.
Adding to this my SIL who stays nearby is a terror.she has left her husband but they hided all this before our marriage.
My hubby thinks that his mother is next to God, though in reality she is an evil. She is not the usual MIL who will yell at u but she is a silent killer.Whenever we have an argument,she will support me.But later I realize that she is the main reason for the fight.
Now for the worse thing. I shoudnt visit my parents, relatives or friends. I am not allowed to go to my parents place. If my parents visit me, these people insult them, so that they don’t come there again.
My MIL says after marriage I must forget my parents and should only think of my in-laws. But her daughter will stay with her and not with her husband.
Once in 2 months my MIL says today is an auspicious day, and all these things(it may be money or some provisions, eatables) have to come from your mothers place. My husband will fight with me and I should call up my parents and bring those things.
My hubby has to go to work , comeback and talk with his mother and sister.He must also take care of my SIL kids but she will always be shopping or visiting her relatives.

My MIL doesn’t allow me to cook for my hubby. She will not allow me to serve for him also. But she wants me to do all other chores in the house like washing dishes, clothes, sweeping, cleaning and she will not employ a maid for any of these.
The only time me and my hubby talk is when we go to sleep.but it will be hardly one or two words because we are too tired.
I have been tolerating this for the past 3 years.things got worse when I was pregnant.my MIL gave a long list of things and also she demanded money to send me for my delivery.
My MIL wants me to get various things from my family (my parents are rich) and give it to her daughter. whenever my parents visit me they must bring some things to my SIL also.
My MIL,SIL talk very badly about my parents and if I talk back my husband physically abuses me. But when both of them are not around he will talk very sweetly.
I don’t know whether he is good or bad. He has given me full freedom in my career, gets me whatever I ask and is very helpful. He took very good care of me when I was pregnant. But doesn’t open his mouth in front of his mother and sister. When my MIL and SIL are around my hubby doesn’t even look at my face and answer.
Now I am also working but things don’t seem to change .Recently I had my baby and I am staying at my mothers place and the thought of going back is haunting me.



db replied. Glad it helped.Its ok to be selfish for ourselves in in laws place.do they even think once how we feel when they heap abuses on us.even my sil has lots of advices for me how i shud treat her parents.but she herself treats her mil as dirt.
first of all kids are delicate to such disturbing situation and will adapt it soon.and most of all you will be stressed with your in laws as it is.even my husband is oh i dont get enuf respect from your family. even if my family presses his feet he wudnt be satisfied.husbands r like that.
you need to make your heart tough and tell your husband how u feel.he obviously loves the baby sooner or later he will understand your situation.best of luck.post back. d b replied. hey my heart goes out to u.i felt like this till last year.i was you then. i live in u.s in laws mil/bil/sil /fil stay in india. my sil is namesake married. her husband listens to her like a parrot. even my in laws everybody open their mouth and close their mouth telling her name. she is a evil witch. she cudnt tolerate when my husband and i got married as i am a professional grad and apart from my husband and fil nobody is in in laws place. even after 4 yrs of marriage she is constantly pressuring my hubby to leave me. but using sweet tongue.we are worried for u .we want to save your marriage. until last year my husband used to abuse me physically ,mentally and emotionally. thanks to their inspiration and upbringing in such environment.anyway i took a legal step early this year and was determined to separate from him.his sister called and told my husband we are trying to save your marriage and told him let your wife stay there u come back to india becoz i told her i want to stay here.but told want to save your marriage. but i had it and i gave her on the phone.not to interfere in my life.it worked for me.my husband didnt oppose me.as i had even given him a dose by taking legal action when the abuse i cudnt tolerate.
The point of telling this is u are in same situation as mine but staying with in laws is maddening. u need to take some action now as it wont change if u dont do anything about it.u will continue to suffer along with your baby.tell your husband u need to sort things out and is best if u are temporarily separated. hey it helped my marriage. maybe it will help u too.tough situations call for tougher actions. u have been thru lot. you are young and need to think of building your life postively not under constant radar.your sil will be in your in laws house forever and situation wont change even after some time. the only reason i wudnt go stay with my in laws will make my husband listen to them and i will be a door mat there. i wont mind if i had good in laws. they are like yours.
dont give in to your in laws greed. they will never be happy with what our parents give.you need to do something now as u are in your parents house. you cant do anything much in in laws house. take this opportunity and decide something about what to do.best of luck. post back. XXX replied. Hi,
I can understand what you are going thru. Initial time of marriage will be very tough. But that is where we need more love, affection, time and support from our husband. But they do it in reverse way. They give everything to their people and only pain for us.
Good thing is that you have job now and your parents are taking care of your baby while you are at job.
Is your husband is only the person earning for his mom and sil. Does he have any brothers and what about your FIL.
Now that you have your own job and you can take little courage in talking to your husband saying that you should have a separate house and regarding his mom, any way that lazy, useless evil SIL is with her to take care. But you guys can provide monthly expense for you MIL only. Your SIL can go to work. ANyway it is their problem. BUt you and your parents side should be strong enough to take any bold decisions. All these days whatever happened is gone and nothing can be done for it. Atleast for your future and kids future, you should move out of that house with your husband. You guys can make a separate and beautifull family. DOn't take any shit from your MIL, SIL or husband.
Be strong and good luck.