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Joint Family:mother creating differences among sons
2006-09-16
Name: Anaida



dear all,I have seen and heard MILS not looking after or illtreating DILS or creating differences between DILS etc. biu my MIL openly creates a major difference between her sons too. she is very very partial to the elder son while she talks all bad things about the younger son that is my husband.infact the elder son and his wife dont even bother for her yet she is all praises for them.she speaks such dirty lies that anyone can get dumbstruck.she blames for every wrong thing to my husband ,i know that heart in hearts my husband feels bad but he avoids confronting things to her once or twice he did try to sort the matter out but she starts screaming madly and says that you are under your wifes control and so many dirty things but the fact is that both of us never think or even do anything ill to her.i feel sad for him because he is the one who does a lot for her whims and fancies,he even spent the entire amount of money to the floor she wanted for herself completely and independently after that she goes to every one and says that she and her elder son has done every thing without anybodys contribution.i dont want that she should sing our praises but atleast she shouldnt sing her elder sons and DIL praises all the time and that too in front of me.My husband says that let them do whatever they want to god watches everything but i dont know i dont have any answers to it.every day as a routine i have to hear the goodness and praises of my BIL and SIL.,which is all fake but i dont know why she does it.iam very sad that is why iam writing to know that am i wrong if so where?is this what you get after being good and helpful to people
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2006-09-17
#1
Anonymous Name: priya
Subject:  i amsorry to ask



i am sory to ask thiz...r u financially backward than ur sil??if itz that might b the prob n u cant do anything to change ur mil..bcuz i am sailing in the same boat bcuz my sil iz born with silver spoon so i am illtreated there.even they wunt serve some rich food, to me.as ur husband says god watches evevrything but juzt ignore thier words and if u dunt have kids probably u will find apeacful life if baby comes.or if u already have them u want to struggl for some yrs to get rid of monster in law
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2006-09-16
#2
Anonymous Name: kuntala
Subject:  Yeah, its strange



Hi Anaida

I too dont know the right answers. I too have a mil somewhat like yours who always drags me into arguments, threatenings etc. Just like she irritates me, I have found that by ignoring her, she gets irritated. I too am made a scapegoat for no reason. Its our goodness which they cant accept, so better behave like them. Be good with good people and bad with bad people. My mil's past might have made her think that all people are bad and she expects me to be bad also. My mil herself had a rough history with her parents and inlaws. She has turned bitter eventually. Even if I behave well with her, she thinks I am planning for something bad. She is extremely paranoid. And there is no treatment for paranoid people. In the beginning I tried and tried and behaved very well. But there does not seem to be a solution. So I'm trying to be thick skinned. My mil won't change for sure, however I behave. But I have to do something for myself. I can't keep on doing research on her behaviour and try out methods to please her all my life. Plus I have my husband's sister and brother who assist her in irritating me. And that hurts me more. Anyways, dont worry, everything will be fine. Thats all I can say.

Take care
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2006-09-16
#3
Anonymous Name: kuntala
Subject:  My answers to your questions



which is all fake but i dont know why she does it.
Your mil lies to hide her own shortcomings.


iam very sad that is why iam writing to know that am i wrong if so where?

Yes, you are wrong for not ignoring her. Ignorance is bliss.

is this what you get after being good and helpful to people

Oh yes, if you do good to really deserving people, you get acknowledgement else you get disappointment.
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2006-09-16
#4
Anonymous Name: Anaida
Subject:  strange world



Hi Kuntala,We even try to ignore her but still she pulls you in a conversation she just wouldnt let anyone go.Regarding her innumerable lies why cant she overcome the shortcomings why make me a scapegoat?what wrong am i doing with her just avoiding or talking less but that doesnt make3 any difference to her
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