Relationships  Discussion Forum

i live in india with my hubby, in-laws & 1 year old son. my mil's mom also stays with us.

i am very unhappy with the situation in our home. my mil has two faces. she's extremely helpful & nice to everyone outside. but all of us at home know that she's a very wicked & bad person (always bitching about people). infact she's very very strange. she does not allow me to do any cooking saying that i dont cook well & nobody will eat if i cook. but at the same time she goes around telling everyone that i dont cook & i dont do any work at home.

infact my mils mother does all the cooking at our place. but when we have guests, mil is always in the kitchen as granny has strict orders not to enter the kitchen. even she keeps dominating my fil. my hubby knows that his mom is wrong. but he never fights for me. all he says is that at this age dont expect me to change her.

i dont know what to do? :D replied. My mother does something very the same. She insists that she does the cooking saying it is better than my own but goes on to complain to others that I dont cook at all. It is her decision not mine but this trick helped me. I started saying I should like to prepare the evening meal and when she says no I mention that she told Aunty This or Aunty That I have not been cooking and that I must change that because she deserves to have a rest. It was a bit hard in the begining but I stuck with it and solved the problem. Mani replied. If she behaves that way with her own mom, why do u think she will behave better with u. And u'r husband and fil i think have just accpeted the situation.....and to avoid conflict and keep peace at home they just want to ignore it. It's not as if their saying anything can change matters.

Here r some tips...next time she says something like u don't cook infront of some...just follow that up with \";mama ...u pamper me and u don't let me to cook\";. Basically sugar coat her negative comments and tell them back.

And when people r over...just in general conversation when topic of food comes up u can say..this dish is originally granny's recepie..mil learnt all cooking from her...or normally granny makes food...but whenever we have guest mamaji wants to do the cooking as she thinks it would be too much for me and granny. (trust me people can read between the lines.)

This may or maynot change her...but hell, it will make u feel better.
And if mil confronts u...u can say...but i was only praising u and u'r cooking..i though it would make u happy.

Can i just ask, when granny is cooking...why don't u go and help her..and don't take no for an answer...and if u want to really do the cooking (that is if u r not working and have time and energy) then next time u'r mil says that u don't know how to cook....just tell her she is right....but cooking comes from trying...and 1 -2 times things won't come out right but u will get the hang of it...so bear with u'r cooking (even if u r an excellent cook)

OR

if u don't want to be like that...just close the chapter like u'r hubby and ignore it. I think it's just a matter of control for u'r mil.

Do what works for u...take care! sharana replied. Does she have any weakness, what is she trying to achieve by doing this?Any idea?