Relationships  Discussion Forum

I need an urgent solution please..

My husbands' brother is mentally and verbally abusing me and my husband for a long time and I want to put an end to it so that he will stop it for ever.We live overseas (our family and his family) .He is the elder brother and he migrated quite a while back and because he was the eldest son, his father spent a lot of money sending on him for studies thinking that he will help the brother,this helped him to migrate to overseas and when it was my husband turn to come here and study he and his wife mentally tortured him a lot he also had to do odd jobs (washing up in restaurant kitchen, delivering pizza far away places etc) to make money to pay him the rent(which he never had to do while he studied overseas coz the father was providing, father was quite well off and spent most money on the elder son with a good mind).And after we got married and I came here, they both started harrassing me saying complaints to my inlaws about lots of thing .After a year I shouted at them asked them to stop it once and for all and I ignored them completely for couple of years.Initially my inlaws beleived it because after the marriage I lived only few days with him before coming here. My husband had to suffer all these because he had to depend on him to migrate to here .He says bad things ,bad comments about us and if my husband gives the reply he still come back later and give us a very hard time.Because they are brothers I wanted them to keep in touch so i still used to remind my husband to call him on his birthdays and thing like that. But the problem still goes on, he is very jealous that I am very forward (than his wife) and grew up in city .Now recently we had to get our money back which we gave him to put as security deposit for our migration(it was under the B -in Laws'name) and when we called him to go to the bank , he is not willing to go to the bank so soon and brought up an issue which took place one month ago (my husband asked him to stop talking nonsense to a comment he made about my husband and a cousin of ours infront of 6 7 family member).We are still fighting to get the money back which we will eventually. In all the conversation he potrays and says because of him only we are surviving.He also said very bad things about me to my hubby .Now the problem is I don't know how to put a stop to all these.We have a very good name among our community and I don;t know how to stop it in a decent and effective way .Even if we stay away from him there are occassion we have to deal with him.Anyone got any good suggestion. My husband is a very good hearted person, and other family members agrees with it and says my B in Law is very \";cheap\"; but they all won't be able to do anything.

PLEASE HELP.... grl replied. Hi Mia,

Is your husband supportive of you? I would suggest that the two of you should stand up for yourself and either confront your BIL or just ignore him and stop talking to him. Don't put up with his crap, just tell him that you are surviving because you are working hard, not because of him and if likes to think otherwise, let him. Just because he thinks that, doesn't make it true. Let him go to all your relatives/friends and complain. Who cares? Why not focus on your own self and your husband? You will be much more happier if you stopped paying attention to your brother-in-law. He will get tired of talking crap about you guys if he doesn't get a reaction from you, because it will be no fun. In order to fight with you, he has to get a reaction from you, a response from you and if you don't give it to him, he will get bored and move on. What do you have to loose? Just recognize that he is a very insecure person and he is behaving this way to make himself feel better... so just let him.

Hang in there Mia...