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Name: radha

Thanks for all your suggestions. After reading your message, I am feeling much better. What you have given me is the good feeling that 'i wasnt always totally wrong' and I am getting some relief off my guilt feeling.

In order to cut my message short, i had not mentioned too many details, but i have been doing much like what you have advised. I had missed writing about my hubby's role. He is all good, he supports me and agrees that his mom is not doing the right things. But he respects her so doesnt speak against her. He often feels that I am being to hard and stubborn with MIL.

I do avoid her and take my kid and the maid out on some saturday/sunday. I too get a good break. Just that I am still expected to make arrangements for MIL's breakfast, lunch and dinner (she is in perfect health and can cook food for 10 people alone when her relatives visit!).

Well, you might have gone thru the enormous messages here about issues with in-laws on this site and I often find DILs reacting too hard. I dont mean they are wrong. They might be right, i cant judge sitting here.

But I do believe in the joint family system and I believe that that is the right way for a family to live.

I believe our elders are our responsibility and that it is our duty to make them comfortable in their old age. And that is why the Indian culture has divided it in the way that parents should stay with the sons, so that everybody's problem gets solved.

In addition to this, my principle is that when a family stays together, it is everybody's resposibility to make it a success. Everybody should get his/her share of tasks. And i would include even my kid in that. Till now the Indian joint family system was a success ONLY because of the sacrifices of the DILs who supposedly ''tolerated everything''.

Well, e=mc2. Energy is never lost, it takes another form. All those DILs who 'sacrificed' in their times, have taken out all their wrath on their DILs and have become worst MILs! And the show goes on.

But now, the DILs are much more educated and self-dependant and refuse all bullshit.
I think its time for the new wives and especially the hubbys to realise this and even share it with their parents. Else, lets not be surprised if our \";joint family system\"; collapses and goes the west-way.

radha

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