Hello everybody

I have been meaning to write for a long time, but I did not have the courage. Since the last one month, I have been very depressed and keep having these crying fits. All this started after the U/s technician told us that we were having a girl.
I know I should be happy that at least my baby is healthy and has made it this far...but after the pre-mature birth and passing of our son in 2002, I was so sure that we were going to have a boy....I think I set my heart on it. Right now, it feels like I have really lost my son. I guess I never really accepted his going away earlier.
I know it's wrong of me to feel like this..but I don't know what to do. I spoke with the doctor too about it and he said that these kind of emotions are commom in a pregnancy after a loss. He said that if I don't improve, he might start me on medications....I do not want to go on medications.
My husband tries to console me saying that it the u/s technician could be wrong and it could still turn out to be a boy....to top it all, everytime we speak to anyone in the family, they all seem so sure that we are going to have a boy. My father-in-law even consulted an astrologer who said the same thing to him. All this is adding to my stress....it is making me feel that somehow I will be letting everyone down....I don't know what to do or how to handle my emotions. This is not me. I just don't know what to do.
I just want to get this out of my system...
I hope I don't upset any of you....I just need to vent. This si not something I can discuss with my family...I tried to...they just got upset and said that they were very ashamed of me for thinking like this.
Abha replied. Hi Pritam,
I understand that you are going through a tough and trying time. The loss of your baby boy must have been really tough to deal with.
However, i sincerely feel that by going into a depression like this, you are not only harming yourself but also your baby who has yet to come into this world.You have to get hold of yourself and come out of this depressing state.
And think on the positive side, after all god has gifted you with a bundle of joy.. does it really make any diff if its a boy or a girl!! a healthy baby in your arms is all you should pray for.
Take care of yourself. Try meditation ... it might help.
All the best. And keep us updated. Its good to talk with friends. bhargavi replied. hi pritam

i can sure understand ur feelings and sorry for ur previous loss.i understand that u want a boy this time not b'coz u favour boys over girls but that way u feel that the boy u lost earlier is back again.and mind u,condsider this girl also in the same way.sex really dosent matter as long as u have a healthy child.ur negative feelings may jeopardise the health of the little one growing inside u,so immediately stop feeling that way.
i have always wanted a girl for i felt it my honour that i will give birth to a person who sacrifices everything of her own to enrich someone elses family.we r all girls and if not for us who will give birth to a new generation.
u will definitely not love to hear that ur birth was a disappointment in ur family,right,so cheer up.
in ur girl only u will find the boy u lost.it is only that gods miracles are not understood easily.now ur ultimate goal should be to take ur baby to term healthily.
bye
take care
bhargavi Aditi replied. Hi pritam:
it was very sad to read your mail that I feel if we educated people feel and think in this manner what will happen to our society...I have always wanted a girl..she is not only close to her parents but also called \"; Laxmi\"; of the house..and Im very glad that God has listened to me and I have a baby girl in my womb..

Please dont think so negatively about girls...its a greater gift to have a girl as she will also give birth to anothet soul like like...Thats the greatest gift God has given to Woman...to become a mother!
So please be proud of it...
God bless all the ladies in this group...we are so lucky..
keep Smiling and be happy


Aditi Mom in July replied. Hi Pritam,

I am not from this board. I'll be delivering my second child in July. I am having my ultra sound scan on Feb 23. We have a girl child who is 2 years old. We had always hoped to have children in both the sex. I am working and this is going to be my last chance to have a boy then. I can understand your position very well as I myself am very anxious about the sex of the baby. I may sound orthodox. But I think it is not uncommon for parents to expect a baby of particular sex for second pregnancy. Your position is far better than mine. This is going to be your first baby. so you have one more chance. cheer up.. All you want is a healthy baby.. that's it..You can always have a boy next time.. So be happy.. Me and my husband always cherish our daughter and he used to say \"; We Would not have enjoyed parenting if this had been a boy\";. It is very true. The love, attachment that a girl baby can provide is incomparable. Girls show their affection the most and so you can really enjoy your parenting.. so having a girl baby as the first child is very good.. I can say..

Enjoy and be happy.. Tina replied. Pritam,
Please stop thinking this way atleast for your little one's sake. Your baby is god's gift to you and you should always be happy and thankful to god for this. Dont get stressed and cry like this because that will effect ur babys health. You want this baby to be born full term, all this stress will cause harm to both of you. This is not a time to feel depressed, but to feel happy and thankful that a new person is going to be a part of your family. you should talk to your baby everyday, your baby needs your love and care. So please, stop all these thoughts. there are so many people who dont have kids. you should be thankful to god for the blessings u have received.
-Tina mansi replied. Pritam,

I am sorry for your previous lose but dear to be frank I dont like this attitude of yours at all. As sumi & sharmila said u should be thankful for being blessed again with a little baby inside you. And about disappointing others... how can you ever think about your baby as a disappointment?? You have been carrying her all these months and dont you feel any attachment to that little being inside you???

Dear you are going to be a mother... please dont make your baby feel unwanted. Just imagine how you would have felt if you came to know that your birth was a disappointment to your mother and relatives???

Please for god sake stop thinking this way and start loving your baby and dont forget to thank god for your healthy baby.

~ mansi Sumi replied. C'mon Pritam!!!!!! Don't ever think like this. Think about those who don't have kids. Look at me, I lost my baby girl last time and still I'm not able to accept that shocking incidence. One of my friends is trying for the last 5 yrs and she is not able to conceive....
One of my relatives gave birth to a still born baby girl 20 yrs back and after that she cudn't conceive...
Ask from them how much desparate they are for kids (girl or boy doesn't matter).
We all shud be thankful to Almighty that HE has blessed us with such a beautiful feeling in life.....
Don't ever think like this....Pray GOD for ur kiddie's health..... and give ur whole luv to her....SHE DESERVES UR FULL ATTENTION AND LUV.
and be ready to welcome her in this world!! sharmila replied. First of all, after a loss, you should only hope and pray that the next baby is going to be healthy. I had an ectopic same time last year and am now expecting my first baby in April. Though people around me keep asking me what baby i was wihhing for, I always keep saying that I am wihsing for a healthy happy baby. This way you can avoid such questions and also maintain a positive attitude. Even my inlaws have consulted an astrologer who says I will have a boy. You know it is common in India for people to wish for a boy! But I find this stupid and dont give any importance to such things. It is our baby and a special gift from God. And why are you worried about dissapointing others? You are not a magician to make other peoples wishes come true.
I think the problem is with you. Please dont encourage people talking such things and just take care of the yourself and the baby inside whose world is you. Hope I have not been harsh. But start changing your attitude...take care....sharmila