I was born and brought up in a very orthodox, well respected middle class family in a village in AP. I fell in love with my classmate when I was doing my MBBS. But I was afraid of my parents. I kept on telling my parents that I will get married only after I get into post graduation. I have this unreasonable fear of whom I am dependent on since my childhood. I was afraid of my parents before marriage and now I am afraid of my husband. I thought I can tell my parents when I am settled and not dependent on them. But, they want me to get married anyway and found a guy who is 100 times richer than us and forced to get married. I told them that I will not be happy if I get married and I cried for a month and did not talk to them. But they forced me and got me married. I thought of leaving home but I thought about my parents respect in the society. I prayed to god that at least the guy should be sadist so that I can leave him.

It's been 2 years now. We don't have any children now. My boyfriend and me got into postgraduation within a year after my marriage. We were responsible from the beginning and studied hard to make our love success. But, I am married now. My husband is very nice guy. The only thing is he is very short tempered and very career oriented. He never spends more than 5 to 10 minutes a day with me. Because of my unreasonable fear as I told you before, I am afraid of him. But, I am pretty sure he loves me such. But, I never love him. All I have towards him is pity. I am nice to him because it is sin to make him unhappy for my mistakes. There wasn't even a single day that I didn't think of my boyfriend. I have been crying all these 2 years when there is no one around me. I still want to leave my husband and go. But, again I think of my parent's respect and if my husband can find another girl or not if I leave him. I told my mom that I am not happy even after 2 years. My mom is now crying that "I don't know you love him, I know that only he loves you, you told us a lot not to get you married, but we didn't listen, all this happened because of me." and she is crying a lot and saying because it happened we can't do anything now.

What should I do now? I really want to get separated, but my parents lose respect in the society if I get separated when my husband is a nice guy. Please advice what should I do.