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You are here: Home > Message Boards > Love >  Sex >What happens if husband is denied sex?
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  Sex: What happens if husband is denied sex?
Name: D
Date: 2008-05-10
Dear friends,

I' m married to a man who' s a typical Scorpion (zodiac sign)- who' s shy of women, of expressing his feelings outwardly to others and a very private person. But with his dear ones, especially with me, he' s open about his feelings, dances around, helps in kitchen, very romantic and loves me a lot. We lead a happy life, respecting each other' s individuality.

But the craziest thing that am seeking your good advise is that over sex, which is still a topic that is not easily digestible for me inspite of 5 years of marriage. Let me tell you that I was extremely ignorant of sexual matters at the time of marriage. I even didn' t know the basics! He had said, on realising, that he was married to a child:-) He then tutored and really helped me a lot to make me understand the matters!

Whenever we fight/argue, I become angry or sad with him so this makes me to be distancing from him mentally & physically. He becomes totally a stranger for me even when he' s beside! I do all my responsibilities but in silence, except that I can' t take it when he touches me.

He tolerates it cooly outside but often says that am depriving him of pleasure (sexual) or he' s suffering (from being denied sex),etc. He' s actually very mentally strong man, so when he says - I may look for options if this (denial)continues. I feel when he' s shy of women, how he can look out for one.

Will this be true? Can sex alone drive a decent family man to such extent? What actually goes on in a man' s mind/heart if sex is denied?

Please don' t take me wrong if am asking this, am not arrogant woman but just too idealistic & live in fantasy world so unable to know realistic things, especially in relationships.

-D
Name: Raj
Subject:  Disucss openly
Date: 2008-11-12
Both of you deserves to have sex with each other ... none of you can ignore

Please consult a sexologist separately who can better understand your problem and give you a solution
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Name: Ami
Subject:  Hi
Date: 2008-05-15
Don' t be offended please but you are trully ignorant in general or at least from what you say in your post!

Whether a man is decent or not he has needs. Sexual and emotional and I dont' think you are giving him either. You sound like one of those women who wanted to get married for a title and now that you have got it, that' s all. You cook, clean and take care of him and that is what you should be doing. let me point out to you that, all those jobs can be done even by hired help.

A man needs a woman who makes him want to come home too, he needs affection, love and wants to feel that his wife is sexually attracted to him, wants to be next to him, wants to touch him and wants him to touch her too. Intimacy, and sex lead to a great open relationship between a man and a woman. ofcourse other things kick in but we are talking only sex according to your post.

At least he is strong and man enough to tell you that he will go out and get his needs fulfilled. Another man would have just done it. This means that he loves you and he is attracted to you and wants you to give him all those things not someone else. But he is crying out to you and telling you that if you don' t do it he will go out.

So girl...my advise to you is to pull up your socks and start reading up and discussing these things openly with your husband. What he likes, what he dislikes.
When couples have fights it is normal to feel angry and unattracted towards that person temporarily. But make up sex is the best thing in the world!

Spice up your life! Just my 2 cents worth

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Name: Kiran
Subject:  Let me reiterate..
Date: 2008-05-13
It seems that my opinion and advice have been taken to mean deny sex on all accounts for weeks, months and ultimately risk losing him to another, purely for physical fulfilment. Err - NOPE! That isnt what I meant at all. Ganesh seems to have understood, unlike a_guy - Im totally gobsmacked, on several accounts. 1,Im not stupid and 2 I wouldn' t say i was a hardcore feminist and by the way 3, feminism doesnt equal stupidity. Ignorance on the other hand....

I would have to say that with your kind of attitude I would be very surprised if you were able to have/ maintain any sort of relationship with a member of the opposite sex. I got a few of my family and friends to read this post and they could not believe that guys with such a prehistoric attitude still exist! Nobody has the ' right' to demand sex, ever heard of marital rape? I hope that (for your sake) you realise that marriage is a partnership - with equal rights. If one values their marriage then they will try to resolve their problems, not let them linger with feelings of resentment growing. To be a good partner one must learn to understand their significant other and work hard at building trust, honesty and loyalty.

I have been through the misunderstandings and raising voices and as a couple it got us no where. I had a love marriage!! Having resolved to talk to one another once we had calmed down and not let the sun set on an argument has led to a wonderful married life, with our first baby on its way. We are still intimate, though not as regularly. Having worked hard at making my marriage work I can happily say that I am now enjoying the fruits of my labour - It wasnt a one way street, my hubby has done his fair share of getting to know me and thinking about the way he responds to certain situations. It has all been worth it though. I couldn' t imagine my life without him and he dotes on me.

D - Sort out the disagreements with your husband as soon as you can in a calm and collected manner. You will find that once you have a better understanding or reached a compromise with him you will feel closer to him, leading to you wanting a better physical relation with him. Marriages are based on love and respect, not constantly sacrificing to please the other.

I hope that readers will take this post in the intention that it is written and to love and respect yourself as well as your partner. Good luck!
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Name: guy
Subject:  ya
Date: 2008-05-14
Ya I know very well what is " marital rape" . It is the latest in-thing in feminism. Husband, after marriage immediately becomes a " rapist" and denied sex. He is supposed to live without sex!! Try to get it in your head that husband and wife are legal sexual partners, with no option of anyone else. There is no rape here since consent is already given.
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Name: gigi
Subject:  To D-
Date: 2008-05-12
Sex keeps a man so active and if u deny that , i think u r loosing him already./.
Love him , accept him tturly..
Also check urself Y u wanna maintain distance in bed..
Thr is a psychological issue with in U..pls get clarrified with in U
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Name: jay
Subject:  common
Date: 2008-05-11
It is very common for indian woman to deny sex to the husband using any excuse.i.e use sex as a bargaining point. After the children are born, then the woman decides to deny sex for the husband. The woman may win a cheap victory but ruin the marriage in the long run. Man has very high sex drive, and marriage already trapped him into having only one sex-partner and then even that is denied, he will be sure to have his cake elsewhere either thru watching a lot of p0rnography (and getting addicted to it) or even thru another woman friend easily obtained in the internet chat rooms. There are a lot of American and European women in the chat room open to flirting relationships
with any guy.
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Name: Kiran
Subject:  Be straight.
Date: 2008-05-10
You need to work on your problems. Just because you are his wife does not mean that you are his sex slave. You should not have sex with him to please him physically and think that you are thereby ' keeping him' from straying. It doesnt work like that.

Most women associate love and sex together. If we feel loved we have sex to express our love. Men can have sex and not love someone, quite easily. (Some women can do his too, i know!!)

When I have argued with my husband in the past I have never been intimate with me, as it is almost a form of forgiveness over his part in the argument. There is no way Im having that!! I don' t think my husband would want to be with me physically either.

We had a very tumultuous first few months of marriage but have learn' t not to go to bed on an argument. We will always try to come to an agreement of sorts. Life is too short to stay angry with someone you love.

I personally feel that by trying to do what you see is ' your duty' as a wife you are actually sending across mixed signals. This on creates more misunderstandings! As your husband surely his duty includes respecting and loving you! Just because you dont consent to sex doesnt mean your husband will stray - ife he' s capable then he will. You cant keep him locked up or change his intentions no matter how hard you try.

Your best bet is trying to resolve disagreements, in particular on going arguments. As for your sex life, vamp it up, be adventurous and open minded (massage, role play to start etc). He will fall head over heels for your willingness to please and be pleased! Men see women being satisfied as an ego boost - so dont think that you have to please him only!
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Name: Ganesh
Subject:  Kiran is absolutely rite
Date: 2008-05-12
Kiran..Ur words are excellant..
never go to bed over an arrgument should solve alomost all misunderstandings..

Hats off to your goodness
Msg Objection   Go to Top

Name: a_guy
Subject:  bad advice
Date: 2008-05-11
Kiran is giving totally bad advice. Your husband is your legal sexual partner, not a stranger. He has a right to his sexual satisfaction and may sometimes request that, that doesnt mean you are his " sex slave" (these are all stupid feminist words designed to break marriages). You have a right to refuse sex if you dont feel like it. But if you keep on refusing sex with husband for months or years, it is not fair. He has a legal right to demand divorce. Personally I have no sympathy to such women and they will suffer when their husbands have extra-marital flings.
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Name: Moon Light
Subject:  Hi
Date: 2008-05-10
If love is denied to you , what will you do? even if you are shy ..will you continue ur marriage without love from hubby ? ....shy or not shy , it is shear mental strength which will keep one away from temptation even if one is deprived of Love/sex 4 long long time.
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