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You are here: Home > Message Boards > Love >  Extra-marital Affairs >Wife Lied / cheated twice
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  Extra-marital Affairs: Wife Lied / cheated twice
Name: depressed
Date: 2008-07-07
My wife had friendship with a guy about 5.5 years back, she was talking fun, love, sex, beauty etc to the guy. Who was her office colleague. Once I heard the conversation, and after arguments, she started crying, she said sorry N number of times. and Finally after a week I forgive her.

Last 5 years after than incident were incredible. She was extremly good wife in all means, i.e. handling finance, caring about me, beauty, love everything. As I was alot of busy in work, most of the time tired in weekdays, hence most of the time could not make good love to her in night in weekdays. We had good weekends. I always felt morning as good time, as I am fresh, but she never liked the mornings for love.

Now 2 weeks back again I found her talking to a different office colleagure similary, and again when I discussed this with her, she is feeling sorry and crying alot. Both times she said, she only had a good friendship, wherein she could discuss everything, but she didn' t had physical relationship. But as a human & circumstances I get doubt about this.

I love her badly, I am fully satisfied with her. Even thinking about staying away from her fills my eyes with tears.

I am all confused... I want to show to her that I can live without her, so that she realizes my importance but she can stay longer without talking to me and I ends up making first call.

I am well settled, I have everything in world but this problem is too big for me to handle....

Please help me to get clarity, What should I be doing? Is it too much for me to have sex twice a week only. I fulfill all her wishes, whatever they are except of having sex daily, as I get tired from work. I am thinking about quiting the work, so that I can be with her whole day... but she do not want this too

I am getting crazy
Name: vinu
Subject:  be practical
Date: 2011-01-24
Hello Bro,

I think you are a very mature person to handle this situation so cool headed. Any way, I' ll like to tell you both the sides.

Don' t think of any extreme thing as you have a kid. Think about her/him.

But at the same time, this has to be addressed. A phone can very soon change into ' Let' s try it out' . Now, As you have already said that she was a good wife for 5 years, their . It could be that she needs a change. Rather than changing the guy, how about you being creative here? There are lots of ways the same thing can be done. Internet will guide you.
Do your best and leave the rest to your deeds. The more tighter we try to hold the sand, the more it slips out from between our fingers.

Gambler
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Name: Jayan
Subject:  Resentment
Date: 2010-12-26
THis could be resentment, this could be expectation , you must feel comfortable enough to talk to her about both. If its resentment, I can send you something that will help you. There are also unanswered questions
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Name: Jayan
Subject:  More information
Date: 2010-12-26
What was the nature of her discussions with her collegues? Does she talk the same topics with you? Did u tell her this keeps coming back? How has she been lately? does she keep relationships? When she talked to her friends, give examples of the conversations
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Name: depressed
Subject:  update
Date: 2010-12-21
We are still together,
Sometime everything comes back to my mind, I get very low & depressed and it takes many days for me to recover. This happens mostly only when I am away from her OR she is not caring or being good to me.

I still love her alot and I still cannot imagine life without her. All I feel is that everything is good in my life and I feel this is my destiny now, I have to live like this only.

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Name: roadkingp
Subject:  are you blinded by her?
Date: 2010-07-01
A relation ship has to be taken seriously and equally. This woman (your wife) wants to have fun (like a college girl).
Here you are toiling all day for the benefit of your family and your wife is making merry. Isnt she supposed to support you? If she isnt interested in supporting you then why the hell is she still staying with you?
Mr. Depressed i can bet all my assets on this one thing. That you are getting hurt not by your wife' s actions but by the love you have for her. You also start having fun and see how she reacts. If she likes what she is doing then she is junk.
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Name: aditya
Subject:  stand up
Date: 2009-02-23
hi mr depressed...
how r u doing well i was reading a lot of stuffs tht people sent to console u...i find everything so impratical people said to forgive her give her a chance...u did tht so i ask u 1 simple question to everyone what if u forgive her and she does it again what happens then. well im not married and may be i dont know wts happens after marriage but i know one thing marriage is based on trust and if there is n no trust there is no point in continuing if she had a problem she cud have come to you spoken to u because u share not only a house but also ur life....i say there are only 2 options for u 1st u shld walk out of tht relationship as quickly as possible becaoz if she does it for the 3rd time or god knows how many times u will be completely broke she did it twice and u already thinkin of quitting ur job....end it find a person who loves u and cares for u as well friend trust me there are million...2nd is tht u forgive her again but will u be able to forget i dont think so...so tell her u forgave her behave normally to ask her wht she likes and wt not ask...there will always be a element of doubt in ur head tht whether she is talking or may sleeping wid someone so hire a private investigator and clear ur doubts....thtats what i can advive u....every man or woman needs respect and when someone is lying to u they dont respect u anymore....i read this in a book its says do mistakes do thousands of mistake but never repeat it....time for u to move on u dont deserve her trust me on this.....
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Name: tania
Subject:  man thats not right
Date: 2008-11-28
LOOK AM HAVE BEEN IN MY RELATIONSHIP SINCE I WAS 16 AM 24 NOW AND I KNOW SOMETHING THAT EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE IN ,IND THIS PLATE EARTH AND THINGS ARE NEVER GOING TO BE PEFECT.BUT WE DONT HAVE TO KIVE IN HELL EITHER.YOU GUYS HAVE KIDS TRY TO SAFE IT AT ALLCOAST.BUT IF NOT DUDE JUST TRY TO GET SOME REAL HELP TO SLOVE IT OR TO END IT.PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS SAY TO YOU TO LEAVE HER AND ALL KIDS OF THINGS BUT ONLY YOU AND HER KNOW WHATS GOING ON.IF YOUR ARE SCARED OF SAYING ALONE THATS NOT AGOOD REASON TO STAY WITH HER.I THINK THIS IS MORE THAN JUST CHEATING.SHE MUST HAVE A PROBLEM.DONT JUST ACCEPT HER \" SORRY\" AND PRETEND EVERYTHING IS OKAYBECAUSE IT WILL KEEP ON HAPPENING.AND THATS NOT GOOD.THINK THAT SHE IS NOT OKAY AND NEITHER ARE YOU.GET HELP ASAP.REMEBER YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE DONT LIVE THAT WAY.IF YOUR DOING GOOD FOR YOUR SELF AND ARE A GOOD GUY YOUR GOING TO FIND SOME ONE.SHES NOT THE ONNLY WOMEN.FOR TYPES LIKE HER TTHE ONCES THAT STAY HOMES PAY FOR THEIR MASTAKES WHEN YOUR HUSBAND SAYS THAT WE ARE ALL THE SAME.WELL GOOD LUCK AND THINK ABOUT IT LIFE IS NOT COMPLUCATED WE R. TANIA
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Name: Muthukkumar
Subject:  Dear Mr
Date: 2008-09-05
Hey Man,

What is this? You say that she is having fun with other guys (Vocally) and you say that you are depressed. Try to keep her in control on your terms. If she is not then get rid of her man. Being a wife she has to be under your control on vice versa man, hence dictate your terms.... and see...!
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Name: Namita
Subject:  good things are clear now
Date: 2008-07-15
from your message itself i got an idea that ur wife is not having any physical relation with other guys ... she just enjoys talking with them ... if i can use the word \" flirting\" now dont take it in wrong sense as i have come across few women who love their husband, care for their family they really dnt think anyone else more imp. then their family and husband but still they like to talk to other guys go out for movie ...

in ur case as others said ... ur wife is not talking to other guys for sex .. even i believe if you talk n talk with her she vl be more satisfied then what u can give her by having sex .... for women emotional realtions are more important

i understnd u have a hectic schedule n it is difficult for u to talk n talk with her .. bt atleast before going to sleep you can discuss with her abt ur day, listen to her .. whthever she wants tosay may be even silly things .. spare that 1 hr. with her especially before going to bed ... n it will make her happy .. she vl leave everything with her own ..... remind her once that u were hurt with her behaviour \" this is important\"

wife dnt want a macho man or a all time sex lover she want a husband who will share all her dreams ... girls wants to talk more than listen :)
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Name: depressed
Subject:  getting better
Date: 2008-07-14
I am lucky enough that I can discuss with her. She has openly shared everything. She is 100% satisfied with me as partner. She says she just like talking to guys. It seems it is more like what Isha & Pete said.

For now she is loving me, and we are trying to be normal.

I am treating her as special, having more sex than she wants. I am not going to office. Now she wants me to goto office, she says she has got tired of having so much sex. I told her that my work stress will take us back to same situation. But she says, now she has realise the importance of our relation, and situation like this will never happen again in future.

Though I am not going to work for now. But I know in 1 week or 2... I will have to start work again. and Work stress will again start rulling my mind & body.

Please give some more suggestion and tips.
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Name: Sharadha
Subject:  Hi
Date: 2008-07-19
Hi,
You seem truly depressed. You say that you deeply love your wife. When your wife says that she hasn´ t crossed her limits, you have to believe her. Things like this have to be taken at their face value and even a mild suspicion can ruin one´ s peace of mind. If you guys are willing to make certain life style adjustments then you can smoothly work out things.
In a way I appreciate the way you handle things like talking to her after a fight & not making a big issue of those Phone conversations. Its a sign of maturity. At the same time " you are not truly comfortable with her having such conversations with other men" . If that´ s your real problem, you can´ t solve it simply by increasing the dosage of sex.
Coming to your taking off from your work and purposely getting more physical with her is strikingly odd and serious enough to be reconsidered. Making ´ LOVE´ is more enjoyable than having ´ SEX´ per se. You can make love only when your mind is free from these suffocations.
Get things straight with her. Be frank & tell her that talking erotic topics like ´ sex´ with other men is something you don´ t like it a bit. Make her understand that even though she may talk to her male friends just as a ´ strict friend´ but when the conversation turns to sensitive topics like sex,there is no guarantee about the way men will handle it as you can´ t attest other´ s character at all times. Ask her to have a control over the topics she discusses with her male friends in order to retain her own dignity & to aviod embarrassment to any one. Be sure, not to hurt her feelings by talking as though she is the culprit. Play it firm but subtle.
I think its better to let your spouse know black and white as to what your likes/dislikes and most important what really hurts you. That way any unintentional negligence can be fixed. Make an environment for her open her mind too and sincerely work on things.
Good luck
Shara..
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Name: abcd
Subject:  Dont quit job
Date: 2008-07-13
Mr. Depressed,
Dont do the mistake of quitting job. It will ruin everything for you.

You say you have fulfilled all her desires except daily sex. But as some others have pointed our take her out to on a long holiday (a second honeymoon), talk to her, have regular sex there and both of you may know what changes are needed in each.

As for daily sex, you say you are tired. She wants morning sex. You do not like it. Somebody has to adjust to something. You have sacrificed so much for her, you sacrifice this attitude also. Of course it is not spiritually good to have sex around day break time. But you can have it around 3 or 4 am for about half hour and then continue to sleep for another hour or two. You can do this almost daily. Try some different positions to satisfy her fantasies. You may come out of this mental agony.
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Name: Pete
Subject:  Speak to her in Private
Date: 2008-07-08
Hi Brother,

Doubt is like a creeper. It can spread all over the mind and body and destroy you completely. Also mind is like eternity, if you keep thinking you can think a million things and still have more space to think. Hence its very important to keep your mind healthy with positive thoughts.

I can understand how hard it is to live life doubting your spouse. Its worse than death. And if what you doubt becomes true then life is not worth living for any common man who have pride and feelings in him.

Now coming to your point. I would want you to believe only if you see anything going wrong. Just because someone speaks about love and sex over phone does not mean that they are having it. Al least let hope that way to keep our life healthy. Why don' t you take your spouse for a trip, preferably just the two of you and ask her what is that she is missing in you. What is that she thinks she is happy without you. What is that she enjoys in others that are not in you and etc.. I am sure she will have a big list. Ask her why is she doing all this and why does she feel she is not happy doing the same things to you. May be she loves all this and you are not there for her, nor you don' t have the time for her. This may be due to your work schedule. But remember one thing my friend, there are certain things in life that the husband and wife should share and give to each other, here there is no excuse nor reasons, you just need to give it. You have very few people in this world who will wait for there spouse to keep giving them what they like. Once they start getting from others especially what they are missing with their spouse, they tend to start enjoying it and unconsciously fall for it, this is a typical human behavior. some people may fall for it immediately and some in a long course of time, it depends on the persons character.

Stop thinking of the circumstances and have sleepless night. You need to firmly believe that there was no physical contact. Ask her is she repents doing all this and what is that you need to do to keep her happy. Once she tells you all then you better be the way she wants you to be, even if it means you need to give her sex everyday. Start exercising, join the gym, I am telling you man, in 3 month you will look different and forget your spouse even others will start admiring you. This way she will be attached to you more.

Some women want sex everyday and they are demanding. This does not give a man the right to to think that their spouse is not satisfied with them or they are going out of the way. Some instances men need more sex and in some cases women need more sex. This is perfectly natural.

So go ahead pal take her to a romantic place and talk talk and talk. I am sure this will work. I don' t want to think otherwise. Dont take any extreme steps of quitting your job.

Cheers!

Pete
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Name: jai
Subject:  great !
Date: 2008-07-09
you make real great sense. I ahve nothing more to write but just to say what pete said was 100% true....
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Name: Isha
Subject:  Forgive her
Date: 2008-07-08
Lack of sex is not the only reason for a woman to have an affair. There may be other reasons. Find out why she is continuously getting into one. Probably she needs your extra care and attention. She may not miss anything from the marriage but an affair gives a kinda excitement to her. She may want a constant attention from the guy. She may really not have had any physical relationship with another guy and you can forgive her and warn her to stop this. Give her a chance.
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Name: micheal
Subject:  Isha is correct
Date: 2008-07-13
What Isha said is correct and of course Pete gave it a 100%. She needs a lot of attention from u.So try to make her feel that u are giving her more importance than anything in life.Just buying things and fullfilling her needs is not important.Now a days the most impotant and valuable thing in life that u can give to a person is TIME. So try to find time especially for her.Eventhough u have a busy schedule,try to find out some time for her.She is now trying to find time from u thru sex(in which she feels that u give her importance)So,Its high time to spare sometime with her and if u dont have kids,plan it now itself.
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These issues happens Because couples are often busy in their work or if they dnt spend for sexual life more. Girls make ur husband feel happy and seduce them often. the fact is Guys need always New kind of enjoyment in sex. Try to make ur husband feel different.

Dnt be shy to talk and make them sex. and girls try some hard sex and make ur husband feel more com... - Guide [View Message]
Hi SWATI
These issues happens Because couples are often busy in their work or if they dnt spend for sexual life more. Girls make ur husband feel happy and seduce them often. the fact is Guys need always New kind of enjoyment in sex. Try to make ur husband feel different.

Dnt be shy to talk and make them sex. and girls try some hard sex and make ur husband feel more com... - Guide [View Message]
Hi
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Dnt be shy to talk and make them sex. and girls try some hard sex and make ur husband feel more com... - Guide [View Message]
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