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India Parenting
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Love Stories:Indian mom/American dad
2002-08-12
Name: FullofLife Buhlmann
Hi,

I'm Indian, married to a wonderful American man & we have a daughter. Looking for parents in similar relationships to share experiences with on raising children, keeping the culture alive etc.
 
2006-03-22
#1
Name: nity
Subject:  mixed marriage
hi,

U don't worry. Culture & religion made
by man. Every religion almost same. so
no problem if eat beef.Some people hasn't special religion especially this in china,russia. This century is
ultra modern . Why hinduism & muslim not become modern . God never punish if follow life like our convenience.God
always look good mind. Some terrerists has pray five times& hass eat halal meat. That god not see, he looks good
mind. Religion created by men to pray for god.But god has no religion. I believe western culture is good, beccause they are modern. Not live only
for religion because god has no religion
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2006-01-25
#2
Name: Neela
Subject:  raising children in a mixed-marriage
Hi,

I'm a Bengali woman raised in the States from a very young age and I'm married to a non-Indian man, raised mainly in Europe. We have a 9-month-old daughter, and I would be interested in talking to other Indian parents in mixed marriages about how they have introduced Indian culture to their children, what challenges they have faced from their kids, tehir families perhaps and their spouses, and what resources are out there to help us, in the Indian community or more broadly, in the parenting community.

One issue we have started to discuss at home, for instance, is whether our daughter should eat beef. I am a pretty poor Indian by many standards, ie dont speak the language well, dont know as much about Hinduism as I should, but I grew up not eating beef. And while I have no problem with other Hindus eating beef, or my husband eating it, or it being cooked in our house, I have a visceral reaction against the idea of my own child eating beef. My husband, who, like many Europeans, has no idea why an intelligent person would follow such religious prohibitions, isnt terribly sympathetic. Moreover, my daughter has a 10 year-old half-sister, my husband's daughter from his first marriage, who is also of European heritage and eats any kind of meat, of course. So you can imagine the kinds of arguments I would get from my kid when she's older and big sis and dad are having a burger and she isnt.

Anyway, this may be a silly issue but for me, it is one of the small but emotionally loaded ways cultural differences play out in a mixed marriage.

All constructive thoughts welcome!
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2008-06-06
#3
Name: Jess
Subject:  pls give me some advice-have noone to talk to
hi...im sorry my message really doesnt have anything to do with your question...however i need some advice please. Iv tried to find chatrooms or support groups but didnt find any. anyways im an indian girl and i want to marry my boyfriend who is american and has a child from a previous marrige. My parents are threatening to disown me if I do. Im very sad stressed and dont know what to do.
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2006-10-27
#4
Name: Old Cask
Subject:  Beef
These are the real issues in a mixed marriage. Where deep rooted cultural programming need to be handled with sensitivity. I am a middle aged person and have had some experience with diversity. One thing that promptly comes to mind is not to be apologetic about cultural roots having their origin in obscure past. They may be rational or irrational but you can not wish them away. Rational arguments may not be enough to 'understand'. I can understand your situation where you may not be convinced to rationally put forth the reasons for a guttural rejection of eating any kind of meat. But it is there and you can not help it. Your child....I dont know how old he/she is. Having told her of the significance of why beef is an anathema to Hindus, I guess it is best to leave the decision to her. The half sister...well...she may be at an age where it would be impossible to let her see the other side yet. Your husband....must absolutely be sympathetic to your beliefs...and must understand that there are matters of faith where reason may not help. Surely, the western world view, though based on rationality, surely has a huge following of 'faithfuls' to not so rational beliefs. A rational man like him does 'tolerate' the irrationality in his own world since he is familiar with the myths surrounding those irrationalities. He must understand this perspective and then make up his mind. And absolutely no need for you to feel either apologetic or confrontational.
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2005-07-19
#5
Name: Sushmita
Subject:  Indian Ma / American Dad
I am in a similiar situation as you are in. I believe that within the house, you need to keep alive the Indian culture and traditions since outside the house, the children will get a lot of American influences anyways. Good luck!
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2005-06-07
#6
Name: lisa
Subject:  babies
hi i am a student at college doing child care. do you think you can tell me information on how babies are cared for in India please
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2004-09-01
#7
Name: suman
Subject:  Indian married to american
I am indian and my husband is american.We don't have any children yet. The love is strong , the bond is strong, but we had lot of differences in the way we see things and the perspective, he likes our values and culture and wishes he was born in india and seen and experienced it .
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2004-02-26
#8
Name: Kate
Subject:  Love Always Wins
I am an Australian woman and My Boyfriend is an Indian studying here in Australia... Although we are not married we have been together for a year and are now ready to tell his family... We don't have children together however I have 2 children from a previous marriage... Abhi and I celebrate hindu & christian holidays and have found it to be rich and exciting to be constantly learning about one another beliefs... My children also have found it enlightening...
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2004-01-13
#9
Name: Sapna
Subject:  Mixed Marriage
I too, just married an american man. I am Marathi, and was born and raised here. We do not have any children yet, but we celebrate both Hindu and American holidays, and he is attempting to learn Marathi. What religion are you raising your daughter? Thanks!
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2004-09-01
#10
Name: suman
Subject:  indian wife american husband
I am an indian woman married to american man. Were you raised in india. i find some things difficult to digest among american. I come from a backgroung which is not very orthodox but not western either.In the begining i had problems with the way my husband would talk or joke with women,just harmless. I come from background where my cousin brothers dont talk to women they dont know.Even when they go tobuy something or anywhere and they have to talk or deal with a lady, they converse only what is required, no smart comments, no silly jokes no weather etc. This harmless jovial nature of his eats me up.
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2003-08-13
#11
Name: Jessica
Subject:  Indian Man/American Woman
Hi I am an Amercian woman living in London. I have beenin a relationship for three years with an Indian man. We both live in London. We are not married and don't have children, so I know I don't fit this site exactly. We are thinking very seriously about marriage and I have been looking for a long time to find a place to talk to other couples like us and hear about what the future may hold. I would be so gratfeul for words of advice, shared experiences, any type of information on what I am in store for (hopefully!)
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2003-05-18
#12
Name: Yaanei
Subject:  Indian Dad/ West Indian Mom
There is a web site for couples from differnt ethnic groups from aroud the world. We have a son, and things are good. Would love to talk to you. Give your child the best of you regardless of religion and race and you will have a happy home and child

Yaanei
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2002-08-22
#13
Name: Nidhi
Subject:  Hi
Hi,
I too am an Indian married for about a year to an indian catholic. We are in India. Till now life has been wonderful for me but I often get worried thinking if the future would also be the same. My office friends keep on telling me that life will be difficult once we have kids because of the different religion. Since you have a daughter, how do you manage the religion affair. What religion are you bringing up your daughter. Its very easy to say that children should know both the cultures but I dont know if its that easy. Wont the child be confused. Since you are in US I dont think religion will be such a big issue there, isnt it. Here in India people are so sensitive about it. I too want to know how you manage both the cultures. Hoping to be in touch with you. Do reply.
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2002-10-14
#14
Name: FullOfLife
Subject:  Catholics & Christians
Hi Nidhi,
Send me your email address & I'll email you directly instead of through this website. But to answer you question, all Catholics are Christians but not all Christians are Catholics. Did I confuse you? All Christians are believers in the teachings of Jesus Christ. But Christians are sub-divider into Cathilics like the Roman Catholics which is what I was raised as & then there are Protestants like Lutherans, Methodists, Presbitarian, Baptists etc. All follow the same Bible but differ slightly in a variety of ways. Roman Catholics also pray to the Mother of Jesus Mary but other Christians don't. The basis is the same & in the end to me Religion comes from being a good person from within & doing what's right rather from what religion one practices or what God one prays to. I'd love to continue chatting so give me an email address.

Ciao.
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2002-10-10
#15
Name: Nidhi
Subject:  Hi
Hi fulloflife,
Was good to read ur mssg. I read it today. Since I dont have a PC, I have to go to the cyber and check the messages which is diff as I work. So dont get much time. I didnt understand one thing. You have said your hubby is christian but not catholic, what does it mean? I thought that all christians are catholics. guess I was wrong. Are you roman catholic?
Anyway, got to go now. Wishing you all the best in life. Will check the messages soon. If you can, reply. Bye.
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2002-08-23
#16
Name: FullOfLife
Subject:  Different Religions
Hi Nidhi,

Thank you for responding. Well, your situation is different from mine. I was raised an a Catholic in India. My hubby is Christian but not Catholic. So religion for us is not an issue. We are raising our daughter at this time to learn right from wrong & introducing Religion to her in a very broad & general way. But the problems I've seen, arise when there is no compromise & understanding between the Parents. If you & your husband give equal importance to religion & respect each others beliefs, then you can raise your child without problems. After all the real basis behind every religion is the pretty much the same right? When kids are young keep it simple but introduce them to both religions. As your child grows older he/she might decide to accept both Religions as a common faith rather than choosing one over the other. Goodluck & stay in touch.
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