Relationships  Discussion Forum

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Hello all

actually I got married in nov,2006 and live with my mother-in-law and father-in-law...... I am not happy at all....... my husband is very nice and he loves all a lot...... he can not live without his mom and dad...... we also have a son(1 yr old)....

my in laws always used to comment me..... not happy with me at all..... i alz try my best....but for no hopes.....

my mother-in-law also doesnt allow me to wear jeans...... i mean this is my only life....if i cant live it by my way.....whts the use of living yar..... i have alz wore jeans in my life during my studies and I cant live without it....... i am so sad in my life..... kabhi kabhi to man karta hai sab chod ke bhag jaun.....

I dont know how to live happy with them and what should i do so that my mother-in-law allow me to wear jeans.... common yar we live in Delhi..... I m working its not village...........dont know wht has happened to her..... I am a software engineer working in an MNC..... everybody used to wear western dresses.....why cant I???/

Plz suggest wht should I do??????


Jyoti Natasha replied. Hi Jyothi,
If you are facing any problem in your family try to solve it in your own methods. Roopa replied. Hi Jyothi,
Why do you feel like that since it is joint family there will be some ups and downs and you have to solve all those slowly and i wish your problem would be solved also. Natasha replied. Hi Jyoti,
So Joint family will include different types of people and it is good to have such family and all will be with you and you will not feel lonely in your life also. Anju replied. Hi Jyoti,
Seriously yaar joint family would be nice.But it is the group of people who will be together to share happiness and even sorrows also.But in today's generation such families are very less. Jyothi replied. Hi Person,
Joint family is good.You need to adjust with the people.Some times it happens you have to fulfill all your wishes by giving an information.Then you will not face any problem. Flora replied. Hi Jyoti,
Some times we have to take decisions which would make our elders happy also.And if you are interested in that costume then you need to convince your in law.That would be good to you only. Rachu replied. Hi Jyothi,
You know for what reason you were not happy then you can solve it by sharing it with your beloved ones and they would give you with some solution also and you can have a happy life also.I wish every one do that.
Swetha replied. Hi Jyothi,
It is the only problem are you facing many people are facing more than this and you have to be happy that you do have very less also and time being you can wear jeans it is not only the life for you. Natasha replied. Hello Jyoti,
Can i say what would be the better option to be happy you just keep cal do not speak to any one you do your work calmly you just try this if it works then everything would be happy also for you only. Jack replied. Hello Jyothi,
You just need to hold patience and it would give you best result at the end and you need to compromise or adjust according to the situation then only you can live in that family and it will bring good name to you also. Kali replied. Hello Jyoti,
So you were loved to wear jeans we can understand your problem but not you mother in law and she might be very particular about your costumes and she is not insisting to wear even sarees then what would you do tell me you need to adjust for some things you must not be stubborn also.Need to hold patience. Sanjwali replied. Dear All,

This is Sanjwali, from Mumbai, I am too suffering from the same situation which Jyoti suffers.
Jyoti I really can understand your situation yaar, because I m too………….
I having tears in my eyes now.

I really don’t understand what to do.
My own family is very very modern, and here my in-laws are very dominating and orthodox type. I got love marriage. My husband has no problem with the jeans.
Very first time after 2 months of our marriage I wore jeans with my husband’s permission, but when I came back I came to know that by MIM & FIL doesn’t want me to wear it, As I m working in MNC, all other girls wearing jeans and all and I fell very embarrass k… y I cant were it.

In my office we all girls used to were jeans on Friday, I asked my MIL I will were jeans at least on Friday but she said NO. now my husband is also not supporting me because he doesn’t want to fight, he says you ask mother and were I don’t have any problem.

Hye Jyoti : What action you have taken now?? Please reply.

Sanjwali
Amitabh Bacchan replied. Abe oye apne aap ko married guy kehne waale ladies ki site me aa kar kya un sab se behas kar rahaa hai mard hai to mardon se muqablaa kar .Zara dekhon to ter mardangi .saas ke diye kapde pehentaa hai kya ghar jamaii hai .
Chup be mard ban mard rati replied. Dear neena ,
Do not come down to the level of this person .do not even care to answer him .We are not answerable to him .
His words, lang .evrything shows his upbringing what a \" cultured\" person he is .
why do u want to stoop to his level .
Please do not degrade ur own self . Neena replied. Dear All,

See the kind of posts on this thread regarding Jyoti' s problem !!!!
I am plainly shocked with ' a married guy' ' s words . He is outdoing himself every time in rudeness.
He writes ...
\" Till today she (his mil) presented many things to me which is not at all of my interest. I do wear them in my day-to-day life. I know it is against my interest.
Finally one simple line: I´ m not just thinking of my happiness in my life.
If you do not understand this, i cannot help you.\"

So this is what is written to me. No, i am not turning red in anger or fuming reading the above. I am just surprised how come he can compare his situation with Jyoti' s ?
He wears the clothes gifted by mil time to time (we all do that by the way ) but this is purely different than wearing mil' s dress code all the time for the entire life! But the married guy very conviniently chooses to ignore this big difference. He will write paragraphs how sacrificing and adjusting he is. well, good for him then. He loves dhotis ... good for him but will he wear this dress for a lifetime if mil insists ? His answer never focus on the question asked. No use in pin pointing to him that he is not answering the correct question.
Poor jyoti, she just disappeared reading the replies here. I hope her situation has improved at home.

For married guy:
you wrote ... \" One note to you: i do not need anyone to welcome me to post anything in this site except the site moderator. \"
Now all I can say is I was just being polite to you by welcoming you to comment on topics but now I will not respond to your posts in this tread or others. Reason ... simple ... you just donot deserve any attention.

For Rati, Vrinda, Namita :
Heard of this saying ?
\" No point in playing mud thowing match with a pig. After some time you will realize that you are getting dirty but the pig is actually enjoying it !!! \"


Thanks for reading this long post.


Vrinda Menon replied. I just came across this interesting debate regarding the plight of Jyoti and the several suggestions and counter opinions by various readers .
I came across this counter questioning between a male on one side and the females on this other .
I wld like to suggest this male who is statiing that he is married and so is supposidly well qualified to answer to the query of jyoti that u r actually not qualified
to answer this question bcoz u r not a female so cannot feel from the side of a female .
I think the other females are apt to answer this question and not any male who will not go through all these situatiins after marriage .
Even i being a female cannot answer to this query bcoz i am married into a very liberal family so did not have to go through all this .
So i cannot feel what jyoti is feeling & when i cannot feel then how can i suggest or comment on her plight ??.
Being married does not qualify any person to answer any query .If we have gone through the same then only we can understand and analyse the situatuin .
So before commenting please ask urself r u the right person to guide her ??
thanks
Vrinda Rati replied. You are saying so many things but r not giving the answer of one \" question\" that we all females are asking you .
U say that the \" Question\" is silly that is why u do not want to answer it .THe question that we have put forth is the same which jyoti has asked.She has asked from a female point we from a man' s angle .
If u can answer to her question then that means u know how to answer \" Silly \" questions in silly way .HA HA Ha Ha !!!!!!!!
The question is not silly but the thing is that u have been caught on a wrong foot by all of us and since u do not have an answer to an \" Intelligent \" question put by us females u r acting silly giving warnings etc........
this shows ur own mental level and the upbringing that u had .
I pity the females married in ur family which is full of MCP' s.

Hey namita neena and all let this male fume like this .I am enjoying it .Same must be with u also .HAAAAAAAAAA Namita replied. infact even me wanted to right down the same question for \" a married man\" abt wht if his MIL does the same .. bt i didnt hd time .. thnks u completed my comment

to married man:
if u dnt hve ego y r u nt replying to her question .... v wnt genuine ans. ....

Rati is 100% correct in asking u \" will u b still patinet wiht ur MIL\" .. i bet not a single men vl accept this

i know a boy, he is my good friend, he tells me hw his wifes behaves at home n hw he n his parents dnt like tht, hw his parents tries to adjust bla bla bla .... from last 6 mnths i m trying to show him where he is going wrong ... BUT NO .. he wont undrstnd .... he have same prob. .. he wnts his wife to listen to all his mothers neusense bcoz he feel when she can listen to her mother then y cant to my mother .. i asked him same question, can you do the same n till i hve not got any reply ... he hve stoped talking to his IL' s bcoz once thy said something as their daughter was suffering at his home ....

this is called EGO ... MENS EGO

if we girls hd ego prob... thn this joint family concept would hve vanished from indian culture long long back .. evn today we being well-educated, independent .. most of married ladies today are not dependent on their husbdn monetarily, evn thn we live as others (IL' s) wants ... then hw can this b ego

now let me also clear my word \" others(ILS) .. bcoz u or someone vl come up with this .... yes IL' s are others, till they give their daughter in law the same place in their family as their daugher Jyoti replied. Hi sss

you r right dear it has blessings as my MIL takes care of my baby as we both r out becoz of jobits true i m able to work becoz of her only but also we would do some sort out if she was not with us...but this doesnt mean tht she has full rights on my life....i cant do even a single thing of my own will...i have even directly asked her why she doesnt allow me to wear jeans....she directly denied...a big NO....her words-\" No I' ll not let u wear jeans the neighbours used to comment and will you wear the short tops in front of FIL...will not u feell ashamed n ll tht\" .... I aksed her whose DIL is software engineer.....even her daughter that is my SIL wear jeans sometimes and she has even come to our home while wearing jeans.....even when she is too fat and I am slim.....I am having a lot of trousers and jeans as I used to wear them previously......every day when I open up my almirah.....i just want to wear them but of no hopes.... everyday my mood turns off..........

I also think so may times that they r doing a lot for us and i' ll be happy all the times and keep my hubby happy as he is the one who suffers the most....sandwiched b/w parents and wife... but kya karen yar kabhi kabhi mood off ho jata hai ye soch ke ki i m nt wearing jeans as I used to be the tom boy like look before marriage and now i turn out to be a typical bahu....

I also want to be free and i want to live life by my own way....i have developed inferiority complex in me just becoz of them.....i just want to be happy yar....... thts what i was.... i used to be the girl who never seen to be sad, very naughty, alz try to keep all happy surrounding me.......alz smiling n happening but I now feel tht Jyoti is been lost somewhere.... I want myself to be as I was earlier.... now I m also trying for it.. i have just left everything to God.... may be He' ll listen my prayers and give me something better which I think I deserve....

Hi married guy...

I have done tht a lot of times....i mean not for this jeans wearing issue but for many quarrels that have been raised in any joint family becoz of different thinkings.... even when i was not at mistake I have felt sorry thinking that they r our parents and we should not annoy them.... also she has forgiven me and atmosphere at home turns good.... but now things are changing.... i mean she is not at all ready to accept the thing.... she has just said a BIG NO... and I have done the thing tht u r saying tht wear n then hold her hand.....tht would create a big scene at home.......n of all my husband got affected which i dont want as he is not feeling well these days...some hypertension kind of problem with her......n these days my only motto is to keep him well n happy...thanks for replying...

Hi namita

Thnks for ur concerns...... I will start doing tht but after some time........let my husband recover completely.......u r right I m feeling like suffocated everyday........thanks..... Namita replied. for sss

i think u r not staying with In laws permanently ... living permanently is very differnt then living for few months ... as u hve put down \" ur husbnd tkes care in front of in laws\" i m happy for this .. bt same story dnt repeat in each ne very house .... if staying with in laws was so easy and rosy then no one would prefer to be nuclear family everyone who is brought up in indian culture want their child to grow up in joint family, everyone knows its benefit ... bt things are not so easy as it is for u ... many husbnds are different whn thy are with in laws

for a married guy
for boys it is very easy to say \" wear a jeans and if MIL shouts hold her hand n bla bla bla\" .... jispe bitti hai bas wahi samaz sakta hai ... for boys to stay in the same family n to convince their mother is very easy ... always remember such IL always make difference bet. a daugher and daugher in law .... it is easy to say then do, hold her hand n have a talk

for jyoti
as you have married for almost 2 yrs. slowly without any fight u hve to start putting ur thoughts across to them .. evn if thy dnt like u wearing jeans,ocassionally when u r out with hubby u shud wear jeans .. when u r back keep jeans outside so tht they know tht u wear .. never ans. back or fiht ... ignore her .. slowly start wearing to ur sons school occasionally .. har chiz dhire dhire change karni hogi .. magar karna jaruru otherwise u vl feel suffocated