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Joint Family:Not happy in a joint family.....plz suggest
2008-08-19
Name: Jyoti
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Hello all

actually I got married in nov,2006 and live with my mother-in-law and father-in-law...... I am not happy at all....... my husband is very nice and he loves all a lot...... he can not live without his mom and dad...... we also have a son(1 yr old)....

my in laws always used to comment me..... not happy with me at all..... i alz try my best....but for no hopes.....

my mother-in-law also doesnt allow me to wear jeans...... i mean this is my only life....if i cant live it by my way.....whts the use of living yar..... i have alz wore jeans in my life during my studies and I cant live without it....... i am so sad in my life..... kabhi kabhi to man karta hai sab chod ke bhag jaun.....

I dont know how to live happy with them and what should i do so that my mother-in-law allow me to wear jeans.... common yar we live in Delhi..... I m working its not village...........dont know wht has happened to her..... I am a software engineer working in an MNC..... everybody used to wear western dresses.....why cant I???/

Plz suggest wht should I do??????


Jyoti
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2016-07-08
#1
Name: Natasha
Subject:  RE:Not happy in a joint family.....plz suggest
Hi Jyothi,
If you are facing any problem in your family try to solve it in your own methods.
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2016-07-01
#2
Name: Roopa
Subject:  RE:Not happy in a joint family.....plz suggest
Hi Jyothi,
Why do you feel like that since it is joint family there will be some ups and downs and you have to solve all those slowly and i wish your problem would be solved also.
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2016-06-22
#3
Name: Natasha
Subject:  RE:Not happy in a joint family.....plz suggest
Hi Jyoti,
So Joint family will include different types of people and it is good to have such family and all will be with you and you will not feel lonely in your life also.
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2016-06-16
#4
Name: Anju
Subject:  RE:Not happy in a joint family.....plz suggest
Hi Jyoti,
Seriously yaar joint family would be nice.But it is the group of people who will be together to share happiness and even sorrows also.But in today's generation such families are very less.
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2016-06-09
#5
Name: Jyothi
Subject:  RE:Not happy in a joint family.....plz suggest
Hi Person,
Joint family is good.You need to adjust with the people.Some times it happens you have to fulfill all your wishes by giving an information.Then you will not face any problem.
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2016-06-02
#6
Name: Flora
Subject:  RE:Not happy in a joint family.....plz suggest
Hi Jyoti,
Some times we have to take decisions which would make our elders happy also.And if you are interested in that costume then you need to convince your in law.That would be good to you only.
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2016-05-26
#7
Name: Rachu
Subject:  RE:Not happy in a joint family.....plz suggest
Hi Jyothi,
You know for what reason you were not happy then you can solve it by sharing it with your beloved ones and they would give you with some solution also and you can have a happy life also.I wish every one do that.
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2016-05-17
#8
Name: Swetha
Subject:  RE:Not happy in a joint family.....plz suggest
Hi Jyothi,
It is the only problem are you facing many people are facing more than this and you have to be happy that you do have very less also and time being you can wear jeans it is not only the life for you.
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2016-05-14
#9
Name: Natasha
Subject:  RE:Not happy in a joint family.....plz suggest
Hello Jyoti,
Can i say what would be the better option to be happy you just keep cal do not speak to any one you do your work calmly you just try this if it works then everything would be happy also for you only.
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2016-05-12
#10
Name: Jack
Subject:  RE:Not happy in a joint family.....plz suggest
Hello Jyothi,
You just need to hold patience and it would give you best result at the end and you need to compromise or adjust according to the situation then only you can live in that family and it will bring good name to you also.
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2016-05-10
#11
Name: Kali
Subject:  RE:Not happy in a joint family.....plz suggest
Hello Jyoti,
So you were loved to wear jeans we can understand your problem but not you mother in law and she might be very particular about your costumes and she is not insisting to wear even sarees then what would you do tell me you need to adjust for some things you must not be stubborn also.Need to hold patience.
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2011-08-18
#12
Name: Sanjwali
Subject:  Same Situation
Dear All,

This is Sanjwali, from Mumbai, I am too suffering from the same situation which Jyoti suffers.
Jyoti I really can understand your situation yaar, because I m too………….
I having tears in my eyes now.

I really don’t understand what to do.
My own family is very very modern, and here my in-laws are very dominating and orthodox type. I got love marriage. My husband has no problem with the jeans.
Very first time after 2 months of our marriage I wore jeans with my husband’s permission, but when I came back I came to know that by MIM & FIL doesn’t want me to wear it, As I m working in MNC, all other girls wearing jeans and all and I fell very embarrass k… y I cant were it.

In my office we all girls used to were jeans on Friday, I asked my MIL I will were jeans at least on Friday but she said NO. now my husband is also not supporting me because he doesn’t want to fight, he says you ask mother and were I don’t have any problem.

Hye Jyoti : What action you have taken now?? Please reply.

Sanjwali
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2008-09-06
#13
Name: Amitabh Bacchan
Subject:  Mard ban mard
Abe oye apne aap ko married guy kehne waale ladies ki site me aa kar kya un sab se behas kar rahaa hai mard hai to mardon se muqablaa kar .Zara dekhon to ter mardangi .saas ke diye kapde pehentaa hai kya ghar jamaii hai .
Chup be mard ban mard
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2008-09-06
#14
Name: rati
Subject:  He does not have any level
Dear neena ,
Do not come down to the level of this person .do not even care to answer him .We are not answerable to him .
His words, lang .evrything shows his upbringing what a \" cultured\" person he is .
why do u want to stoop to his level .
Please do not degrade ur own self .
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2008-09-05
#15
Name: Neena
Subject:  We need to end this
Dear All,

See the kind of posts on this thread regarding Jyoti' s problem !!!!
I am plainly shocked with ' a married guy' ' s words . He is outdoing himself every time in rudeness.
He writes ...
\" Till today she (his mil) presented many things to me which is not at all of my interest. I do wear them in my day-to-day life. I know it is against my interest.
Finally one simple line: I´ m not just thinking of my happiness in my life.
If you do not understand this, i cannot help you.\"

So this is what is written to me. No, i am not turning red in anger or fuming reading the above. I am just surprised how come he can compare his situation with Jyoti' s ?
He wears the clothes gifted by mil time to time (we all do that by the way ) but this is purely different than wearing mil' s dress code all the time for the entire life! But the married guy very conviniently chooses to ignore this big difference. He will write paragraphs how sacrificing and adjusting he is. well, good for him then. He loves dhotis ... good for him but will he wear this dress for a lifetime if mil insists ? His answer never focus on the question asked. No use in pin pointing to him that he is not answering the correct question.
Poor jyoti, she just disappeared reading the replies here. I hope her situation has improved at home.

For married guy:
you wrote ... \" One note to you: i do not need anyone to welcome me to post anything in this site except the site moderator. \"
Now all I can say is I was just being polite to you by welcoming you to comment on topics but now I will not respond to your posts in this tread or others. Reason ... simple ... you just donot deserve any attention.

For Rati, Vrinda, Namita :
Heard of this saying ?
\" No point in playing mud thowing match with a pig. After some time you will realize that you are getting dirty but the pig is actually enjoying it !!! \"


Thanks for reading this long post.


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2008-09-05
#16
Name: a married guy
Subject:  to Neena
you are really a dumb cannot understand english properly. Read my post 100 more times to get what is written over there and then try to send a reply.
You are saying you are not becoming RED. But you are!
Dont get tensed too much to spoil you as well as others in this site...

I really not seeking your attention at any point of time. Also i do not want you to comment what i write here.

If i write something to Jyoti, who you are to comment that? Did someone give you the rights to comment every post here?
If you have any specific question, start a new thread and ask for it. Do not spoil someone else thread.

Finally, you agreed you are such a ----- by saying a ´ saying´ . Thanks for that...
The argument was not started by me. Until you stop, i am supposed to write back to you/anyone.
a married guy
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2008-08-28
#17
Name: Vrinda Menon
Subject:  A r the right person to suggest ??
I just came across this interesting debate regarding the plight of Jyoti and the several suggestions and counter opinions by various readers .
I came across this counter questioning between a male on one side and the females on this other .
I wld like to suggest this male who is statiing that he is married and so is supposidly well qualified to answer to the query of jyoti that u r actually not qualified
to answer this question bcoz u r not a female so cannot feel from the side of a female .
I think the other females are apt to answer this question and not any male who will not go through all these situatiins after marriage .
Even i being a female cannot answer to this query bcoz i am married into a very liberal family so did not have to go through all this .
So i cannot feel what jyoti is feeling & when i cannot feel then how can i suggest or comment on her plight ??.
Being married does not qualify any person to answer any query .If we have gone through the same then only we can understand and analyse the situatuin .
So before commenting please ask urself r u the right person to guide her ??
thanks
Vrinda
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2008-09-04
#18
Name: a married guy
Subject:  to Vrinda
Are you a judge here to decide who all are qualified to answer a query.
I telling that this is my point of view and i am answering the question based on the people i saw in my life.

I do not agree with any of your logic or even a singly word in your entire post.
To talk about death, you need not to die once... OKAY?
Again you are telling that SSS is supporting me and i am supporting her. also telling that same person with two diff names? How can you think like this? I am telling now that " you have very serious mental problem" . Consult a good doctor soon otherwise you will keep doubting people around you that will make ur life hell.
If you cannot feel Jyoti´ s situation, how do you judge my answer? how do you feel my situations which made me to write this type of answer?
My question to you is: What made you to think that you are the right person to judge me and comment me?
You try to ask yourself first before posting anything in the net.

Thanks,
a married guy
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2008-08-28
#19
Name: Vrinda Menon
Subject:  Please be clear before commenting
Dear SSS before jumping so quickly to write an answer to the post written by me i think u shld have read it 2 times and understood it clearly what i meant? .
Definately a person who is going or has gone through a similar situation is the most appropriate person who can understand and answer to the problem raised by this lady.
If u have given an answer to my mail then you must have read it and you must have read that line also where i have said that i am also not a proper person to guide her since i have not been through the situation so neither can i analyse properly not can i guide her properly .
In suggesting things to people dear only LOGIC does not work experience also works .Which a person can have only when he /she goes through similar circumstances .
You are very upfront in denouncing some ladies of this board that they are making fun and so on if you think so logically they why don´ t you snub this so called male who is passing weird comments on girls ?
Why are you so keen on protecting him and he you .
Or is it so that both of you are same person writing with two anonymous names one time posing male one female ??That is why both of you are writing under anonymous names and not disclosing the real names .
I think here this girl wants some genuine and reasonable solution to her problem so that things sail smoothly in her house and people who had a similar experince can very well guide her .
Not any anonymous Logical person who reads her problem as a mail and simply to show off his/her brain, logic jump to guide her .
Thanks
Vrinda
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2008-08-28
#20
Name: sss
Subject:  hi
Dear all,
i sincerely think that being a guy doesnt make ´ a married guy´ unfit to give answers.anyone who can think logically is fit to answer any query.actually its best to have different views to analyse any situation.the person who need answers should be capable of selecting what is the best solution for them.
As far as joint family or nuclear family is concerned,no one can give the final verdict like this is good,that is bad.it depends on the situations.it depends on what we choose for ourself,how we want our life to be and how our partner,our family choose to live their life.
as far as i believe,having people around us is much better than living all by myself and my hubby.if i turn down his family now,what will happen if in future i need their help?no one can predict future.
making a good relation with people definitely helps in the long run.perceiving others as bad,and starting to criticise their actions, in turn shows how our mind works.the first thing we need to have is a positive attitude.
i see that some ladies here are having fun by making other people angry and frustrated.but why???what do they gain by doing this?why this kind of frustration????dont you think it will reflect in your personal life also?instead of spoiling a healthy discussion by turning against a guy,why cant we bring the discussion in the right path by helping jyothi with our suggestions?
sss
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