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You are here: Home > Message Boards > Love >  Extra-marital Affairs >how to handle ?
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  Extra-marital Affairs: how to handle ?
Name: malay
Date: 2006-09-10
i have this strange problem. i am liking one of my wife's friend and like to talk to her. there is nothing sexual about it , she is much younger than me abour 12 years younger and i am married for almost 15 years now. we meet regularly and we do good meaningful conversations and i think she also likes it. of late i find that my wife's relationship with her is strained and there seems to ne no reason for it as i have done nothing at all for her to be upset. how did she notice that i like her because there is not a slightest hint on that line and my wife is as good looking as her.now even wishing on birthdays or anniversaries also has become a issue between us.
she wants me not to keep any relationship at all which is very immature as nothing has happened and her husband who is my friend now works in the same company and it would look silly and foolish.

she has some stupid suspecion that something is going between us which looks so silly as there is no way we can have anything she is younger far more good loking than me and her husband also is far younger and good looking than me. she would have no such interst in me except talking as i am a charming person to talk to, but that all her friends say she is not alone. what to do?
Name: Preeti
Subject:  Hello
Date: 2006-09-12
Hi Malay,

It is not a question of who is more beautiful or charming - your wife or your friend. The reason she has 'some stupid suspicion'(as you put it) is because she is jealous. Its as simple as that.

When you ask \";what to do\";, the answer is that you need to maintain some distance from this other lady.

Jealousy does not understand logic. It is just there. Even though you are not having an affair with that other lady, you seem to be very affectionate towards her and that is what is hurting your wife.

You do not need to totally cut the other lady off from your life but you can at least restrict the amount of time you spend talking to her.

You might say that this is just a female's response...and ignore this advice...but this is what it looks like to any female...even your nice lady friend would have a fit if she became jealous of any of her husband's lady friends.

Maybe your wife might be jealous because you are spending more time talking to this lady than the lady's husband...involve your wife also in your conversations so she will not feel left out...

Hope this helps..
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Name: MALAY
Subject:  hello
Date: 2006-09-12
hi preeti, priya,
i now fully understand what my wife must be feeling. without personally knowing us you have so nicely explained the logic or illogic that i am convinced that my wife's insecurity is due to jealousy.
although it is out of place because even if i am liking her friend she will have no illusion about our relationship and i am much older than her and nothing can attract her to me. i only talk well but that is mainly due to my reading and experience which i am sure is not enough for any attractive female to fall for. so it is ill founded but i understand what u say.
i will minimise the interaction and will maximise my wife's involvemnt in the talks. i hope she will give up her plan to terminate the relationship al to gether which will look very immature and will leave behind scars.
thanks anyway for spending time and i really appreciate yr analysis.
malay

malay
Msg Objection   Go to Top

Name: priya
Subject:  Hi
Date: 2006-09-12
I totally agree with u when u say \";is it all the 12 years of marriage about ?\"; But there must be something that is bothering her .. your feeling good after talking to the other lady .. your body language or some small things which she didnt like !! she feels insecured.
Finally .. who ask urself .. Who is more imp to you ? Some lady friend with whom you have smart talks or a wife with whom you spent 12 long years ?
I think a bit of scarifice is fine to keep ur wife and home peaceful !

-Priya

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Name: malay
Subject:  hello priya
Date: 2006-09-12
all females talk the same launguage. so i can understand my wife's insecurity. but tell me what is wrong if i feel good after talking to her? it should not mean anything to her. we feel good after so many things like food movie discourse talking to wife also.
and what is the choice u are indicating who is more important that lady or wife.
i am not doing anything with her. will she give up any relation ship for my sake? she has been so noce to her all thru out and if i cut off what message i am passing to my friend?
i am surely impressed by her talks and all but why shoud it bother her so much?
i am very loving husband and nothing has changed for her. to day it is she tmw she will pick someone else amingst her friends or my friends. i want to really hear from u yr detailed view about her insecurity as my wife is as good looking as her friend.
malay
Msg Objection   Go to Top

Name: SONYA
Subject:  TO: MALAY
Date: 2006-09-11
HI MALAY,

IS YOUR WIFE'S FRIEND MARRIED? THE REASON
WHY I ASK THIS QUESTION IS BECAUSE, IF SHE
IS NOT MARRIED.....IT IS PERFECTLY NORMAL
FOR THE WIFE TO TELL HER HUBBY TO STOP
SPEAKING TO THE OTHER FEMALE.....SHE
DOESN'T WANT THE RELATIONSHIP(EVEN-
THOUGH, IT IS STRICTLY FRIENDS)TO
PROGRESS ANYMORE.

EVEN THOUGH YOUR WIFE'S FRIEND IS
MARRIED, THERE IS ALWAYS A QUESTION IN
YOUR WIFE MIND: \";WHAT CAN THESE TWO BE
TALKING ABOUT....THAT HE CAN'T TALK TO
ME ABOUT?\"; ANYWAY---------

JUST TAKE A BREAK FROM TALKING TO HER
FRIEND.....SPEND LOTS AND LOTS OF TIME
WITH YOUR WIFE.....MAKE HER FEEL THAT
SHE IS EVERYTHING TO YOU.---GOOD LUCK.
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Name: MALAY
Subject:  sonya
Date: 2006-09-11
she is married and her husband is my friend too now. we always meet as family.
you are suggesting that i should not talk to her just to please my wife? is it all the marriage of 12 years about? for noreason she does not like it. she tells that i am seeing something between u too. is it fair? i explained the differences between us age looks etc.if she can not give this much space to her husband, what is the understanding and trust about? yrs is pure female respone if u are one.
malay
Msg Objection   Go to Top

Name: horrible
Subject:  hai!
Date: 2006-09-11
She is a matured peson and has her good reasons to avoid you.why are you so bothered.just keep up good relation with your friend.and just have polit conversation with her whenever you see her.its good for you too.HATS OFF YOUR YOUR FRIENDS WIFE SUCH A SENSIBLE GIRL.
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Name: malay
Subject:  horrible
Date: 2006-09-11
i think u have misunderstood a bit. she has no problem with me it is my wife who wants to avoid her and making it an issue with me. her friend continues to be friendly to me but there is unnecessary tension between us due to her conversation with me as my wife is suspecting not she.
becuae of our quarrels over the issue of ending relationship i am worried.
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