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Love Stories:Unsolved problem, anyone help plz.
2008-10-31
Name: Pooja k I have got to know that he is here in Bangalore itself, staying in his relatives house. He has not tried contacting me even over phone once...
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2010-04-05
#1
Name: Damien
Subject:  To pooja
Finally you found him. Was it God? Pooja listen, this guy is trash. Get rid of him. He' s not in love with you. He was in love with your body, that' s all there is to it.
All I can tell you is, he wanted you just for sex. I didn' t know men could take extreme steps to get married in front of God and JUST FOR SEX?
Anyways pooja, get him out of your mind and time is the healer. You can bet you' ll forget him in time.. just a matter of time, I can bet my A** on that.
Good luck to you.
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2008-12-27
#2
Name: Rita
Subject:  Pooja, he doesn´ t want you anymore.
Now, he is in Bangalore. He has not bothered to contact you. That' s too obvious, he had long fallen out of love with you.
He probably has found some other woman to replace you, perhaps one more naive than yourself. He will use her as much as possible and eventually cast her aside, just like he did with you.
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2008-11-10
#3
Name: Another Girl
Subject:  Take Care
Hi Pooja K

Life has not been eazy for you.

It really seems that this is the first guy in your life with whom you have got physically involved. Love and involvement have made you very emotionally attached to this guy. I can understand that.

Does your family know anything about this second fella. If yes, how have they reacted? Also, are you pregnant by any chance?

Now lets come back to the second fella and your love towards him:
1. What kind of a guy do you want in life? One which takes care of you, is available for you always or the one like him who runs away, hides from you...in a situation when you most need him.

2. Can you trust him now that he leftyou in the middle of everything?

3. You said you can do anything to get this fella as you love him that much. Lets suppose you stopped his all attempts of getting married (by showing snaps of your marr with this fella or by showing combined photographs to his expected would be wife) and finally he marries you as you being the last choice. Will you be able to live with his taunt for the entire life. The taunt is \" You were after my life, I just wanted to have sex with you, I never wanted to marry you becuase of whatever reasons\" . Will you be able to live with it?

4. Love is always unconditional. You loved him, he did not. Leave him, in case he really loved you, he' ll come back else he was never yours.

5. A couple can be happy only when both are in love, none has to be in forced love or forced marriage.

Do you have any kinds of snaps with this second fella of yours, marriage or intimate relationship snaps. If yes, use them against him so that he doesn' t destroy another innocent life.
He should suffer for cheating an innocent girl.

Take care, dear friend and think before you do anything.
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2008-11-11
#4
Name: pooja
Subject:  What options do I have?
Hi another girl!

My family doesn´ t knw anything abt all this. I am safe in terms of pregnancy. I hv only 1 photo proof, but hw can I use it against him? to avoid another girl being a victim? without letting my name come out in public and spoiling my life even more. Should he be punished for wht he has done? if s hw can it be done?
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2008-11-09
#5
Name: Mel
Subject:  Hi
Hi Pooja. How are you ? I can only hope that with time the pain has reduced. This chap was working with you, right ? So, he has left his job ?

Anyway, keep yourself busy. Try and get a good night' s sleep (hard as it may seem), eat properly and slowly get your life back in order.

Take care of yourself just as the person who ran away is DEFINITELY having every meal, not missing any sleep and living his life properly. So, you owe this to yourself.
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2008-11-11
#6
Name: pooja
Subject:  Trying to rise
Hi Mel!

I wish I had sm good people like u here with me who cud hv helped. I never even in my dreams imagined I wud be facing a day like this. I am trying to cope with things, trying to eat and sleep, but still feel that pain very deeply. I feel he has used me like a tissue paper and thrown me away. He has killed my soul...
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2008-11-05
#7
Name: rachna
Subject:  Colour changing advisor
Did u c pooja as soon as u took a stand and tried to keep away from this person he changed his colour and started calling u mental and depression patient .All girls have to be carefull from men like this .what guns and roses suggested u was correct .keep away from such men .Such people are standing on evry nook and corner and ready to take advantage of females .Keep away from such \" High professional advisors\" on this site i think men like this will ruin ur mental state more .
I wish u all the luck and pray to God that he gives u strenght to come out of this
May god bless u
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2008-11-05
#8
Name: Varun
Subject:  The need of the hour
In My Humble Opinion(IMHO), Pooja at this time point requires psychological counseling by a professional clinical psychologist. She is possibly also suffering from some degree of depression which may even require some anti-depressant medication. Such profession services are very much available in the city of Bangalore.

She has suffered two R(elationship)s failure in a row. Actually scientists suggest that when one R fails, the person who has suffered the failure MUST take time off from any new Rs for a while, without which the person is expected to carry baggage of the old failed R into the new one, thereby resulting in another failure. We have no information if this was the case with this last R of Pooja. However if Pooja adopts a child, she will not only invite problem for herself but may also jeopardize bring up of a young life. With due to respect to Mel this is MHO.

Pooja' s focus need be herself. As long as pooja continues to believe that she LOVED that man, she will allow that man and his cheating and negligence to hurt her. She needs to believe that the R she had with this man was that of a convenience, basically due to the fact that she suffered a bad marriage and she was still to recover from that. Which is clear from the fact that the D suit is still pending. She should have waited some time after her D was over before getting into another R. She will need to wait for recovery from both these failures now for another R, be it a baby or a man.

I leave the case to the more wise men and women on the board to do the counseling to Pooja, if they can, or else at least try and impress upon her that she needs help, a professional one!
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2008-11-05
#9
Name: Varun
Subject:  But...
But you did beg for it, didn´ t you? I was unwilling and suggested you visit a more professional site, if you have read some of the posts there!

Anyway, I wish you DO get all the help you may need from the guns on the board. Be careful, unprofessional help may also push you in a spinning spiral.

You are in FOG as we call it, where your vision is not clear, you may not be able to think with all the logic that you actually have, you may not be very objective in your decision making. You may be impulsive to get in touch with the guy. You are in a sense lucky that he has abandoned you and is in hiding. I would also strongly suggest you, IN CASE he EVER tries to establish contact, please DO NOT respond. You need to maintain what is known as NO CONTACT. NC.
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2008-11-05
#10
Name: pooja
Subject:  Sorry!
I am sorry Varun, but I dnt want to use ur personal id for any reason. I dnt mean u r bad. I am avoiding trouble for both, but thnks for trying to help me.
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2008-11-05
#11
Name: Mel
Subject:  Hi Pooja
I don' t know if adopting a child would be the best thing at the moment. It may be good for you. But, you will still be sad for a while atleast, and that unhappiness will have a lasting impact on the child.

Why don' t you go home for a while atleast. Be with your parents and around people who love you so that you can get your life back in order. Keep yourself busy Pooja. Whenever you are alone, you will find yourself thinking about him and about old times, what went wrong, what you could have done... etc. So, keep yourself busy.

Join a course where you can learn a new language... better still... go to a few orphanages and cook for the children. When we were in college, we couldn' t help orphans financially as we were living on pocket money. But, we used to go there once or twice a week, and cook a nice meal for them. Cooking is itself therapeutic, and the concept of being around those little children will definitely make you feel happier. You will also understand that there is so much natural pain and suffering in the world. We sometimes create our own pain and suffering, but these little children are suffering for no fault of theirs. Bring some light and happiness into their lives, and I believe that your life will surely brighten up too.

While I agree with GunsNRoses that you need to be vary of people who will try to take advantage of you when you are so vulnerable at this point, but I DO NOT AGREE with his statement that ' Whomsoever in this site is trying to respond is indirectly trying to have you in their bed' . All your five fingers are not alike Varun. And I have also replied to Pooja... I am a married woman who also has a son, and I have no intention of getting anyone on this board to bed !

All I' m saying Pooja, is be vary of people, but don' t be SO distrusting that everyone appears to be selfish. There are so many women who selflessly answer so many queries on this board... they help out new mothers, harassed daughters-in-law, pregnant women and others with their experiences and advice.

Trust in God, pray often, keep your body and mind busy. Work hard during the day so that you are physically tired and sleep well, and you will be ok soon.
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2008-11-05
#12
Name: pooja
Subject:  I am really lost
Hello Mel!!

I am really so thankful to you for being so thoughtful abt me. I am actually trying my best doing everything possible to get out of this mess. I hv taken up a job and try to keep myself busy, but even a minute of spare time kills me with the memories..I dnt feel tht even time can cure this. I cannot go back home suddenly, bcoz all my relatives and neighbours will suspect and start enquiring, they may hurt my parents with this.

I am forced to live here and suffer. Even many of my friends hv got to knw abt this, such news spreads fast u c, and they call me to ask wht went wrong, where is he, y I dnt hv info on him since we were so close?? some 4 or 5 of them no everything in detail. All this adding to my gried. My future is totally ruined.

Moreover, I am still nt able to accept the fact tht the person I luvd has cheated me. My heart and mind doesnt want to believe. Each and every place and thing around me reminds me of his words, touch, everything. He used to sing songs to me. I cant bear to listen to those songs nw. I hv emotionally become so weak, i hv to gather all my energy and courage everyday to wake up frm bed, though I dnt sleep, to cm to work and try to live.
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2008-11-04
#13
Name: GunsNRoses
Subject:  Never be a fool again
Hi Pooja..
I walked thru all the messages that u and others posted on ur issue..
See even now ur walking in a black pitch road by taking help from strangers in this site..
Remeber one thing...whomso ever in this site who are trying tpo respond u , it will look like as if they are helping hands..but truely speaking even they are indirectly trying to have u in thr bed..
If this site is providing every thing to converse y then a seperate mail id is posted towards you to contact him in personal..example from Varun :hbtofip at gmail :....y is he trying to contact you thru his personal mail id.
I have gone thru mail situvations ... remeber one thing...at the end of the day..boys behind girls are purely for sex and nothing else will be thr in thr mind...
Even i am a boy and i have the urges...

My best advise is...never ever try to contact any one thru thr personal mail id..let every thing be in open conversation..so then if any thing goes wrong one can get them thru the same and can report to police.
I beleiev u can understand this world better than what you have learned till date..
Think million times before you talk or mail to any strangers..
Cos this is a virtual world and boys take girls for granted and try to show all thr tricky words to capture them into thr bed..
After all like the one who cheated you after having sex the one who is going to contact you thru this pond will also be the same mind guy....
I mean he is also behind u for sex and only sex....dont think that he is trying to ciontact you to help u out..
Once he sex u and feel the smell of urs then he will also run away.

Think think..its your life...dont get tangled..
Get to know ur real husband a lot and try to take good life..
As a freind....
Guns
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2008-11-04
#14
Name: pooja
Subject:  I am cautioous
Hello Gunsnroses!!
I hv learn a lot in my life. Dnt worry, nobody can lure me again. I will nt be in touch with this varun again. I was only trying to get ideas wht can be done next, thts all, bcoz I thought people on this board are frnds and r here to help like u.
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2008-11-03
#15
Name: Mel
Subject:  Hi Pooja
Pooja, the reason you feel like this is because of ONLY one thing- the fact that he just ran away and is hiding from you. It is this act that drives people nuts. If he had broken off the relationship with you in a proper manner, given you some time and helped you get over it, then you wouldn' t feel this way.

But, I' m sorry to say that he is ONE SELFISH, CHILDISH person, whom you are better off NOT SPENDING your life with. Even if he would come back to you, it would spell the end of all happiness in your life. The way he has run off and hid like a immature child goes a long way in showing what kind of a husband he will be.

Take my advice, DON' T go to any women' s cell, or file any case against him, or any such thing. Because if you do that, then you will YOURSELF feel guilty afterward. Instead, try contacting him, or his mother. Speak calmly... and tell them that you are fully in support of his decision. and that your current husband has come back to you and you have sorted all your problems out. That your relationship with this 2nd fellow was a big mistake and a big joke. And that you thought you loved him, but it was obviously a mistake.

Remember one thing Pooja... trust me on this... the more you run behind someone, the more they will run away. My advice would be to try and forget him... or atleast pretend to... that way, when he realises that you don' t care about him anymore, he will actually start wondering how come you don' t love him anymore.... Then his Bhooth of marrying someone else will itself go.

Trust me... I have seen this happening to so many of my friends. One of my friends went down on his knees begging his girlfriend not to leave him, and she just walked off. So cold... and so unconcerned. I mean if you want to end a relationship, at least do it nicely. Meet the person as many number of times as they want, be by their side and let them cry it out.

Pooja, you don' t have the right to do anything to yourself. I am a mother. And I am telling you this from this perspective. If you do anything to yourself... ONLY YOUR PARENTS will suffer. This fellow will think.... good she' s not around to harass me any longer. But your parents, who have given birth to you and looked after you for so many years will suffer everyday because their daughter got involved in a messy affair and then just chickened out and ended her life. No parent should go through the pain of seeing their children die before them. It' s JUST TOO PAINFUL... MORE PAINFUL THAT WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH NOW.

Remember that. Forget this fellow. Ensure that he gets the message that you have moved on, and are interested in someone else and just don' t care about him anymore.

So what if he doesn' t care about you anymore... there are others that DO CARE about you. You are important to so many people. In fact, there will be someone else for you... eventually you will get over this fellow... and will find the person who has been written in your destiny... And come that day, you will sit back... look at this time in your life and say, \" Thank God my relationship with that numskull Mama' s boy didn' t work out.\" And you know what... let him get married to ANY GIRL from his caste or ANY caste. I can give it to you in writing. It won' t last. He' s just too selfish and brainless for any woman to bear for long.
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2008-11-04
#16
Name: pooja
Subject:  Need sm suggestion
Hi Mel!

I knw there r good people like u also in this world, but at present, I hv lost trust on all men. I can never luk up to any man again as my husband. I want to be single, however, I hv thought of adopting a child to overcome all this, bcoz i need a motivation to live. I need suggestions to knw if it is gud or bad. Do reply if u r still there on the board.
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2008-11-03
#17
Name: Pooja
Subject:  Thanks!!
Thank you so much really. You people at least care for my feelings though I do not knw you while this guy who promised to be my husband has cheated me to this extent and left me alone today in darkness. I hv been seeking help and advice frm so many of them.

Unfortunately, my heart has become so weak that I am not able to forget and get over it. I am only praying. Only God has to help me. I am also in need of Good will and prayers from people like you.
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2008-11-01
#18
Name: Varun
Subject:  Living your life again will be the best....
Pooja,

I can possibly understand what you may be going through, your work, studies must be affected badly. The focus now need be yourself, how and what is best for you. Unfortunately his cheating has confuse you to such an extent that your focus is on him, THIS has to change, slowly. Its NOT easy, you have to work hard for it. In the process if you get him back, fine, if you don' t, may be even better, but the focus must change. Post more frequently, I will continue to talk to you.
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2008-11-03
#19
Name: Varun
Subject:  Thanks
Thanks Mel for the clarification.
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2008-11-03
#20
Name: Mel
Subject:  Hi Varun
In context to one of your messages on this board, according to the Indian Marriage Act, if two people of different religions get married, neither one has to convert. The law allows inter-caste marriages, while preserving the religious views of both parties. However, when people get married according to religious customs, such as in a church, a masjid or a temple, then individual religions have different customs which may or may not call for conversion. I am a Christian married to a Hindu. We had both ceremonies - Church as well as Temple... and neither called for either one of us to convert. We still practice our own religions.
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