Having arguments with your partner is quite normal and obvious fact of life. But do you know when you fight in front of your little one, what impact it has on your child? Read on to learn about the ill effects of fighting in front of your kids.Most of us agree that fighting in front of kids is not a great experience for them. On the other hand fights are natural part of any relationship and therefore it becomes very important to have a new way to approach them so that they are healthier for your child.
Is it Alright to Fight in Front of Kids?
The answer to this depends on the frequency, nature and communications in an argument. Not all fights can be created equal. It is not the fact of the conflict, but the type of the conflict that makes a real difference for kids. Nasty conflicts that included insults, swearing and physical aggression leave deep impact on kids’ mind and sometimes affect their entire life also.
Ill Effects of Fighting in Front of Kids
Fighting in front of kids affects their emotional and physical wellbeing and its effects are as follows.
Immediate effects -- Has increased heart rate
- Fast breathing
- More sweat gland activity
- Feeling of insecurity
Long term effects -- Children fall sick often
- Aggressive behaviour is developed
- Children cope with depression and anxiety frequently
- Have difficulty in sleeping
When is it Okay to Argue in Front of Kids?
Arguments are the part and parcel of any relationship. The way in which parents express their view point in front of each other can have a deep impact on children. As long as the parents argue properly and within certain rules as well as it is not too often, may not actually have a bad impact on child’s physical and emotional wellbeing.
The occasional disagreement, in which both the partners treat each other with respect and move along to problem solving, is actually good for kid’s development. Thereby kids also learn
problem solving skills in a positive manner.
When a couple has a healthy relationship they can raise healthy and well-balanced kids. Therefore, it is very important to
avoid arguments in front of kids as much as you can. Remember, this is like role modelling for your kids. So, if you call names or insult each other, your child will learn that and perhaps get back to you the same way when they are teenagers.
Tips to Minimize the Effects of Fighting in Front of Kids
- When your children catch you fighting,
- You should help them learn problems solving in a positive manner by having a healthy discussion with your spouse.
- Try to stay calm and speak without yelling or screaming.
- Take a break and discuss the issue later on when kids are not around.
- Do not try to pretend that the fight never happened.
- Apologize to your children about your fight.
- Reassure them you love each other.
- Talk with your child in age appropriate manner.
- Try to reduce the arguments or avoid it in front of your kids.
- Never say negative things about your spouse or complain about him or her to your kids.
Tips to Keep Arguments Under Control
Here are some tips to keep arguments under control.
- When you argue think that neighbours are hearing you.
- Remember, no name calling, no raised voices and no bad language.
- Activate your listening skills.
- Make direct eye contact with your spouse when he is talking and do not say a word, no matter what.
- Sympathize and let your partner know that you understand that he is feeling bad even if he is blaming you for everything.
- Let your partner do the talking especially when he is very angry because at this state of mind he is not going to listen to what you say.
- If you find yourself getting carried away, stop right there and agree to talk later.
- Take time to sit and talk about the matter that is bothering you and your married life.
- If you know that an agreement might get hot, postpone it to happen when kids are not at home.
- Do not close the door when you are fighting so that kids do not see, they can anyway hear you through the closed door also.
To save your child from having an impact on her mind and well-being, you should keep in mind that the way you behave in an argument matters and how you and your partner solve disagreements. You should convey to your kids that family is a safe place to have air fights. If your child has witnessed the fight, they should also be involved and witness the ‘make up’.
When your child witnesses any hot argument between you and your partner, it is very important that you take your child aside and assure her that she is loved and the fight is not her fault. You can also share the topic of disagreement with your child and say that just like other couples you have also sorted out the problem. Let them witness you too hugging or having a normal chat over a cup of tea so that they get assured that things have returned to normal now.
All couples have disagreements, but the point is that you should know how to handle those disagreements with respect and affection. Look for solutions instead of blaming each other. Most of you must feel that it is not as easy as it appears. This is because most of you do not know how to manage your emotions or how to express your needs without attacking. However, you can try to handle conflicts in a healthy way from now onwards or at least repair things with your kids if they have watched you fighting with each other in front of them.
What are the harmful effects of fighting in front of kids? How to avoid arguments in front of kids? What should parents do when their kids catch them arguing? Discuss here.
