It is not necessary to punish children for their every mistake. There are certain constructive things that parents can do instead of punishing them. Read on to learn more about the 10 things to do instead of punishing children.Positive parenting is a modern way of bringing up children which combines elements of child psychology and modern family living. Frankly, parents sometimes do not have the patience to listen to their children.
Children do make mistakes, and with that comes the realization of being “punished”. They also need to be taught is that their actions have consequences and that they are responsible for them. But
punishment erodes the parent-child relationship and children start being defensive. So what should be the best way to enforce discipline on them without “punishing” them?
1. Empathize with the Child’s Feelings
It is important to know why your child did something, and he or she must be given a chance to explain. She might already be angry and remorseful, expecting judgement and punishment from you. When she has calmed down, ask her to explain what she feels and empathize with her. Gradually, she will feel much closer to you and will share your guidance.
2. See the Offending Situation from Child’s Point of View
To you, his or her reasons for cheating in a test might be something irresponsible, but it is a reason to him or her. By simply punishing you child, you are not addressing the root cause of the problem but intensifying it.
3. Show Affection
When your child is already scared or guilty, you want to calm him or her down. Try making eye contact with her, put your hand on his or her shoulder and ask what upset him or her. Use calm, loving voice to show your disapproval, yet your love for him or her.
4. Teach Your Child to Repair
After listening to what your child has to say, teach him or her how he or she could learn from his or her mistakes – whether it be a relationship or something material. Help her to repair her broken toy or clean up his or her room, or support him or her in apologizing.
5. Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries
As important it is to be loving and reassuring, it is also needed to set a few limits. The child should understand that he or she is expected to behave in certain manner. Be consistent with his or her limits and allow some relaxations in the rules to avoid being too rigid.
6. Use a Friendlier Tone Rather than Ordering
The tone we use with our child also determines a lot on how they behave. Instead of saying, “Go, put your toys back in the box” try countering it with, “Where do we put our toys?” in a friendlier voice. Avoid using criticism.
7. Reconnect with Your Child
Most parents are unaware of what goes in their child’s mind. Make an effort to spend at least one complete hour with your child before bedtime and just listen to his or her rant about his or her day, feelings and triumphs. Reassure him or her that you are there for him or her, which will make your child feel loved and increase confidence in you.
8. Encourage Positive Behaviour
It is important for the child to know that you acknowledge his or her
good behaviour as well, and that she seems a much better person that way. Tell him or her that hitting his or her friend is not the way he or she usually behaves, and ask if he or she would like to apologize.
9. Work Out a Solution
When your child has calmed down, sit down with him or her and try to think of some methods which would help him or her. Talk about his or her feelings and needs as well as yours and brainstorm together to find a mutually acceptable solution.
10. Be a Good Role Model
Your child looks up to you, therefore you should be mindful of your behaviour as well. Be your child’s mentor and also prove to be a good example of behaviour, so that your child learns the same.
Sometimes, handling a child’s
bad behaviour only needs firm handling which does not equal to formal punishment. Be sure to have a transition period, so that your child is able to adjust to a new method of
discipline and respect you as a good parent thereafter.
What are the harmful effects of punishing children frequently? How can parents avoid punishing children? What can parent do instead of punishing children? Discuss here.
