Many parents shudder at the idea of showing their child to a child psychologist. What! My child is not crazy! Why does he need to see a psychologist? And then the old school of thought so prevalent in our society. Our parents, grandparents and great grandparents never saw psychologists, and they were fine, weren't they? This is just a silly fad!
Most people, by they time they become parents,
forget what it was like to be a child. When you are a child, you often
get taken for granted. Your opinions are discarded, and your wishes
don't count. How often have you seen children crying because their parents
took them shopping or to run some errands and then ignore the child's
pleas to go back home? How often do you shut a child up by saying the
words "Because I said so!" without providing a reasonable explanation?
While all this certainly does not constitute bad parenting, it may
provide insights into your child's behaviour. Childhood is a
complicated time. A child's demands are high, and these demands tend to
get overlooked often. Your child has to go 'urgently' to a friend's
party, while you take your time coming home, wrapping up the present
and dropping him off, with the result that your child starts crying and
you laugh off your child's tears saying "Don't be silly, we will be
there in some time." After all, in your mind, it is not important, but
in your child's mind, this party was going to be the best party of her
life, and it was the most important event ever for your child.
These are the years when your child is developing his personality, and the way you bring him up plays a crucial part in his personality development.
Most parents believe that all you really need to do is discipline your children and at the same time, show them that you love them, and that should be more than enough.
However, it isn't. Your child may grow up to be polite, well mannered
and intelligent, but he may still have some self-esteem issues. You
will find that such a child only truly builds his personality once he
leaves home to study in another city or country. If you are a strict
disciplinarian, make it a point to be equally disciplined yourself when
it comes to coping with your child's reasonable demands. If you make it
a point to ensure your child finishes his homework before going to that
party, also make it a point to be there on time to drop him off and
pick him up.
There may be
certain things you say and do as a well meaning parent, which causes
your child to feel bad about himself through no fault of your own. 8
year old Aryan would flare up everytime his parents
asked him to clean up his room, because this feeing was compounded with
a feeling of guilt that he hadn't yet cleaned it up, a feeling of
inadequacy for being unable to clean it up, and a feeling of anger
directed towards the parents,
who just didn't understand that he wanted to clean it up and has
cleaned up a part of it, but the just do not appreciate that. You as a
parent are totally justified in your demands, but your child is going through a range of emotions which he cannot discuss with you or with his friends, as not many young children discuss their parental problems with their friends. The best person to discuss this with would be a child psychologist. The psychologist serves as a medium between you and your child,
and will be able to accurately convey your child's feelings to you, and
you would be able to modify your behavior accordingly. In addition, children
feel important when they are being listened to, and when their feelings
and wants are been taken into consideration. Often a parent may be too
busy or otherwise occupied to listen to their child, and while they may
not realise it, their child may feel extremely hurt by what they
perceive as a snub. Yes, they will forgive you and go on to play
elsewhere, but when it happens a second, third and fourth time, it will
certainly show up in their personality development. A child psychologist will be able to bring this to your attention.
How often should your child
see a psychologist is entirely upto you, but a child should see one
often enough, in order to develop a rapport. You could perhaps arrange
for your child to visit the school psychologist once a week or once in
two weeks, especially if you feel your child displays feelings of anger
and aggression, is extremely shy or is weak in his studies. Do not
under any circumstances convey to your child that it is a big deal to
be seeing a psychologist. It is not, and many parents whose children regularly visit psychologists swear by them. According to Nita Sharma, whose both children
see a psychologist once in two weeks, "Every child should see a
psychologist. I don't believe that something should be 'wrong' with
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- The Indiaparenting Team