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Milestones:for hetal
2006-11-08
Name: Monisha Soni hi Hetal,
I have a few questions for u. Please suggest me
1. My daughter is going to be 11 months and gets cold very frequently. I mean with very season change she has a running nose. Can u please tell me how do I save her from this. I am working and have to leave her with a maid at home. I don't know what happens behind my back so am really worried for her cold. One of my relative says that its gonna happen for the first year as this is how kids develop immunity for cold. Is it so?
2. My inlaws keep insisting that I must get a potty seat for her and potty train her. But the problem is that she does not have a regular potty time and I doubt if she'll sit for long on a potty seat. What do I do? Is it the right time to potty train her?
3. As I am workin I see a lot of insecurity in my child. After I leave home for work my maid tells me she doesn't let go of my maid and is always in her lap. She does not even sleep mush coz she's scared that my maid will also leave her and go. The moment I get back home my daughter doesn't let go off me and doesn't like to go to anyone not even her dad for sometime. I am scared is this going to effect her personality development. Is my baby going to be an insecure one? Please help me.
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2006-11-10
#1
Name: Hetal
Subject:  comments.
Good inputs poonam.you should not be worried about others comments becausee you are not here to reply and satisfy everyone here..your work is done once you reply the poster...thats where it ends and its understood that it was your way of helping her.....
would love to see your messages more often..do share your expnces...
now monisha, because you have mentioned my name, i will like to add some info,,as such all is nicely explained esp the maid part by poonam and other members...

1. if the cold is seasonal, there is nothing to worry.it will be decided by your dr whether or not its related to season or baby internal health problem. however, if your baby is having problem of recurring colds, thn and only thn, you can look for permanent cure,,in a way, so to say, cold and cough are the ways that allergens and extra mucus thats made by your body comes out,,so once a while like once or twice a year,,is actually said to be sign of good health,acc to what ayurveda mentions..
to avoid, all you have to do is prevent your baby from cold wind. please note that its not cold that gives your baby running nose,,its the wind with cold temp...so try to cover your baby head,chest, feets,,throat,,whenver you step out,with some good wind jackets that have warm lining !

2.about potty training, if your baby is ready for potty training thn you can give it a try.my baby showed signs of readiness like wanted to be cleaned whenever she pooped,doesnt like wet diapers at all,her bowels were regular,,she was able to walk and understand what i said,,and first and foremost the most imp thing, i wanted to potty train her before her 1st bday..so i started her potty training once she started walking,,which was sometimes by 10months..she was trained by 13montths and by 15months,today she is able to express herself for that..
so it dpends more on baby own readiness for it, thn just our efforts..you can try,,but see your baby readiness,,let me post you some of my exp and couple others,,for you..
ques:Now adyas i started but he doesnt poop...usually he go after having milk in the morning but if i make him sit on potty, he wont poop..he sits for long even an hr but no poop. if i try to make him sit on potty agian and again, he wont poop whole day.
pls give me some tips.
reply:about irregular bowels,,make them regular first to make your life easy. give him one serving of ne source of fibre in his every main meal. this will help his digestive system to clean on time. also include variety of juices in later noons,with a good snack..irregular bowels is a sign that your baby is not eating good fiber...
a one year healthy child should pass bowels atleast once or twice,,some go until thrice too..it dpends on their apetite too.
once bowels are regular, its easier for you to make out his expressions about it. in your case, krish might be getting to conscious about where you are suddenly making him sit ,,,,and wont poop,as he is interested in observing wats next :),,
tickle his tummy a bit,,make him feel relaxed.divert him with some of his fav songs, or story books,,let him concentrate on wat he is supposed to do.let potty training be fun time of tickles and giggles.
also, kids take time to understand at first whats potty seat :) nirja(my dd) when first i made her sit on adult seat with cushion cover,,she cried ! then i had to get potty seat of her own,,and she was fine,,the first day,she just smiled at me ! and was staring at me, didnt knew wat to do,got bored of all my efforts like giving shss noise, and all playful talks,,and ran away from me :)
gues wat, after leaving from my hands, she messed up my patio/balcony,,she poop there !
it took her 6-7 days, to understand that mommy is trying to make her do potty..she just needed a push from me, at first, try to put your toddler in schedule that you are able to judge around about time,,if not the exact..
potty training has never been easy,,all we can say is give your child a good wide smile when he messes :)) and pee training is harder ! its faster than potty is :))..

also, keep the potty seat in the area where he spends most of his time during his bowel timings,,this way you will prevent to run to restroom with him all the time. i used to keep nirja potty seat in living room as she used to spend most of her time during her bowel timings.
once you see they are getting used to it, everyday keep that potty seat nearer to your restroom, and one day just keep it in restroom...this will make them slowly go towards restroom..if you put it right away to restroom, they might not like to run for it..so that was my experience.
so that was my exp..see if it helps you somehow to guide you to make your own decision about when to start potty training..
the success rate of potty training is higher when baby is ready,,so check on your baby schedule of poops and pees and thn decide how will work out.,,

about the 3rd ques..well, people have shared nice opinions with thr own maids and i would rather rely on thr experiences,,as they are real..but i have only one thing to say about maid,,once baby is taken care of any caregiver,,the behaviour, the manners and to some extent approach of your baby will be dpnding on how the caregiver have taken care of your baby ! yes it includes personality development, manners and other aspects,,and right now 11months you baby will be learning things,,which he will pick up from the person who spends most of the time with your baby,,like in your case maid,,and yes to one extent what vidya said is also right that your child is afraid of being alone not because he doesnt want to leave you but because there might have happnd some incident that might have left him alone for a while,,and it could be the reason that he doesnt want to leave your maid or you whenver possible...
so my final inputs on maid or licensed day care are,,your baby development dpends on the caregivers and her responses,so make sure to go to a reliable perrson, whom you can trust and who knnows how to teach your baby the basics of personality..look for certified maids or licensd daycares or ask your friends to babysit your child and take turrns in taking care of eachothers children..i do that...
take care,
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2006-11-09
#2
Name: poonam
Subject:  poonam
U r right newmom n rajiv. Thanks Amar.

I respect all ppl on this board and i m sorry if i hurt anybody unknowingly. I just tried to help a mother.

I am not a housewife, i work for an IT comp.

apologies.
poonam
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2006-11-09
#3
Name: newmom
Subject:  Hai
it looks so bad that mothers and fathers are fighting for these issues.
hetal has welcomed many members here. i have seen her asking other members to come forward with good info and experiences so that other mothers get help.she has appreciated roopa, sonia and other members who have explained things so nicely.
but there are some people who just like to make an issue out of nothing.
i don't know why.this parents of babies board and not fighting board. relax guys.

rajiv i agree wid you. i am sure everyone is having a very bad day.
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2006-11-09
#4
Name: Rajiv
Subject:  hey all
chill out guys.
amar, leave these ladies. we can't reach them.
it looks like everyone is having a very bad day.
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2006-11-09
#5
Name: vidya
Subject:  Hey Amar
note dat i mentioned clearly that I am sharing a thought that i saw similarities.which means that i m sharing my thoughts just like poonam is doing.
Amar, i am also saying the same words what you said. if you want to help, help why comment on one person name all the time.dun you think it looks weird ? if you believe in corporate language let me tell you, that when you share things, you are not expected to comment on others. no matter who the person is.
i learned a lesson because i could not spend time like poonam could. my job profile does not allow me to do that.i read poonam message that she is housewife.i can't afford to do so.

i have also shared my experience.what is bothering you ? i did not say anywhere that her message is not helpful.
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2006-11-09
#6
Name: Amar Saxena
Subject:  for vidya
Yes i have read that blog over roopa and i think i shd interfere now.

Vidya what diff does it make if poonams reply looks like roopas? I saw you disgrading roopa earlier and now you are doing same with poonam. Cant u see how helpful the information is?
My wife also has similar issues but she is a teacher doesnt use internet or this site. She is always tensed bec of the babys insecurity and fed up with changing maids. I took printout of poonams message and showed my wife last night she was so happy. We found it so useful.
I cant do much about taking care of baby or handling maids as i am a man, at least i am taking tips from good mothers on this site and sending to my wife.
By the way, it is common in corporate world to use smiles like that in mails. And i dont anywhere see poonam disrespecting Hetal she has infact given all due respect. Not to forget, i checked again ropas msgs right now before replying (just bec of your comments) and did not find roopa disrespecting Hetal anywhere. So many other ppl reply by saying that Hetal is right person but i am sharing my thoughts, so did poonam. whats your prob?
Sorry to comment but see the bitter truth, pls look at urself first before commenting on others, both u and poonam use maids but u learnt lesson after ur kids sufferred and this responsible lady took steps in advance to ensure kids dont suffer.

She seems a normal person not expert like hetal and just trying to help. I do need hetals expert suggestions but i also welcome practical experiences from mothers like poonam and roopa.

I hv taken printouts from this site when my wife was preg, when baby was born, and do that even now.

You disgraded ropa and we dont see her helping anymore. Now u r doing it with poonam. If u want to help, help, pls dont comment on others. I am sure people like me need replies from such kind mothers.

Amar
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2006-11-08
#7
Name: poonam
Subject:  can try this
I Know that u hv posted qry to Hetal I just want to share my thoughts as i saw similarities.
i m a working person like u and leave my daugher with maid and MIL.

M just sharing my thougts, if u want to use any, please discuss with expert/doc if required. Also, m assuming u hv a normal baby like most others.

1. My daughter used to suffer v frequently from cough prob, it started when she was 11 mon, now she is 5 yrs. It wd start as a dry cough, and i wd start putting all home remedies i knew. Gradually it wd convert to severe cough problem and my baby would spend nights coughing.
Then someone told me about trying homeopathy. I found a renowned doc. I treated her for 1.5 yrs, and today she is fine.

Hetal- u hv been sharing thoughts on allopathy as well as ayurveda, pls suggest if u hv any thoughts on this too.

2. Potty training: Its high time u trained her. I had got that small plastic potty that u get in plastic shops. It has some toy attached. My daugher too had diff potty timing. When i wd see her doing potty, i wd take her to potty, make her sit there and play/sing with her. Soon i discovered her 'signs' when she is abt to potty, she wd make sounds as if she is putting pressure and face red. At that time i wd take her to potty.

U can start it when u r on leave for some days/on weekend. Make the maid sit with u (so it will be your training session for both kid and maid :).

3. Again, Hetal is the right person to talk abt insecure child. My daughter felt insecure and wd behave like yours, but was milder. I dint know abt this site then, so cdnt even ask Hetal :) but i took some steps. I decided to spend as much time as poss with the kid, and made it fun time. I switched my tasks of cooking and housework. Now the maid wd cook and i wd be with baby in mornings and evenings and weekends. MIL tried to revolt but I put my foot fwd strongly.
Involed other ppl, esp hubby, to spend quality time with baby. Tried to involve MIL too but MILs and terrorists will never change their mindsets :) jokes apart ... weekday mornings we 3 wd take baby for walk, weekend morning to some big famous garden in the city.
We hv a park in the society we stay. Asked maid to take baby there every evening.
Made baby interact with more ppl, took her to relatives. Found a neihbor who had same aged baby so kids wd go to each others place to play.
Discovered a new playschool+creche few houses away. My kid who was now 15mon wd go to play school with her neignbor friend and their 2 maids. Just 1.5 hr daily, only play. Soon the kids dint need maids. Lot of play with kids, colorful toys, v nice creche ppl, kids wd b tired when home and sleep well.
I also checked if my maid was as expected. I wd give surprise visits and found maid never played with kid. Got a new maid then. New surprise visits passed.
When MIL wd be out of town, i secretly watch maid and baby from out of the house, if she is taking proper care. When daughter was 3 yrs old, i had a maid who wd frighten her with talks of ghosts and demons to make the kid do what she wants - like no shararat or spread toys. Refused her to do that.

This is just what i did. Lets wait for Hetal's reply.
let us know how it goes for u

poonam
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2006-11-09
#8
Name: Vidya
Subject:  bad experience with maid.
for poonam,
many smiling faces and commenting on hetal reminds me of one member name roopa.she is the only one who has habit on commenting on hetal followed by smiles.
just sharing a thought as i saw similarities.

for Monisha,
1.i would like to share with you my experience. my son is having recurring colds and coughs.i think it is more seasonal.
i noticed that my kids were having cough and cold only when season changed. my ped said it is normal for kids to have seasonal colds and they don't harm them.
2.about potty training i heard that potty training is easier if baby is 15months.
3. please keep an eye on your maid.sometime back in one of the board, there was a similar case.hetal reply made sense that sudden change in kids behaviour reflects the responses from caregiver.
i doubt dat that your maid must have left your baby for sometime alone and that is why your baby does not want to leave her.
eversince i read hetal reply on this issue i started observing my maid closely.i asked my neighbour to visit my flat and she told me that she was not welcoming.she would hear lot of phone calls coming and my maid would attend them. once when my neighbour was at the door, someone called and my maid told that call later.she did this thrice. i checked my bills but she used to get incoming calls so they were not charged.kids don't behave without reason. i was surprised why my kids never use to bother even if maid comes or goes. my kids are very loving. they always wave bye and hifi to all people they like and when they get used to them.after staying with maid for the 8hours for 2months, atleast i expected some attachment with maid.But no attachments. i thought may be they are adjusting to eachother.one day my elder son started asking for food when i would return from office.i got complain from my maid that my son refuses to eat snacks in afternoon. how can a child refuse to eat when he is badly hungry. if he was not hungry, why he is asking for food when i wud come from office. one day it was difference of 30minutes when she called and i reached home.i thought may be its normal for kids to behave like that.
my maid used to say everything is ok and she wud never allow my neighbour to enter and see what was going on. once my maid did not open the door, she replied my neighbour that everything is ok and kids are sleeping. so next day i gave my flat keys to my neighbour because i was scared what if something goes wrong.the next day at the same time my neighbour opened the door without knocking it.she was shocked to see that my prev maid was talking on phone in our dining room with her feet on my dining table and my kids were sleeping on floor as it is near toys.my elder son might have slept getting tired and hungry as he had his toy in his mouth.so there was no second thought. i fired that lady.
my new maid is so sweet.my both kids waves her goodbye, says hello to her.and my elder son is not hungry until it is dinner time. my neighbour also told me that my new maid behaves very nicely to my kids and she welcomes my neighbour every time she makes surprise visits.

so i can say from my personal experience, please keep an eye on your maid.hope this is of some help.
sorry for long reply.
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