Relationships  Discussion Forum

i am a single parent & have a child with special need. i got married at a very early age & got a baby very soon. basically my husband has a psychological problem called asperger syndrome.he use to never talk to me & completely ignore me.he used to say i don't know what to talk to u what is ur name ,go & talk to my relatives & push me running away from me. i didnot know he has a problem thatis why he is doing like this.,i use to still try to change him & talk to him but he use to never like it.he use to push me saying let me watch tv & lock the room & watching tv the whole night.days went on like this .finally one day there was some issue b/w my mother-in-law & me & she kicked me & she called his son from the office & this man hit me .he was not ready to listen to me.this things have happened 5 yrs back & my son was 5 months at that time . i didnot know he has a problem & i stayed with my parents. now my son has become big & i cannot handle him as a single parent.i am trying to contact my husband but all in vain .i am still not divorced from him my parents r saying give the child to him as a single parent u will not be able to handle him as he is a boy & needs alots of money.
i am confused .can anyone suggest me what decision i should take.even i know my husband has a pschological problem i am calling him to reunite again for my son but nothing is working out.he is staying with his parents & just listens to them.we spoke to them also but there r saying they don't want a child.
please can anyone guide me as i am getting very depressed. SLB replied. Please don't blame Neelam for her husband's problems. That is very wrong.

Asperger's Syndrome is similar in many ways to Autism. It is a very difficult disorder for family members. I work as a psychologist, and I know how devastating this disorder is on relationships.

The best you can do is to offer to get your husband to a psychologist for help. The rest is his responsibility. He has to have some concern about his role as a father and husband. You can't do it all yourself. There is hope for him, but it will be hard work on his part. It will take motivation - his motivation to do the work. And it is NOT your fault that he is having this problem. You did NOT abuse him by your criticism of his habits.

Your main concern is to take care of your child and your child's mother - that is YOU! Bharati replied. Your husband flet emotionally abused when you constantly tried to stop him from watching T.V. Aspergers syndrome a.k.a Raja Harishchandra Sysndrome is a syndrome where in the men ( 80% are men ) are unable to fathom the needs based on body language but rather depend on direct verbal communication. he probably resented you trying to control his T.V. Watching habits. Aspergers are an exremely intelligent and logically consistent people and trusting people. He lost trust as a result of feeling emotially abused whehter you intended this or not . IT is difficult for an Aspergers Syndrome to trust a person once their trust in once are lost. Frankly it would be an emotional abuse for an asperger syndrome to force such a person to live with a person with whom they have lost trust in because they are defenseless against emotional attacks in future and would rather stay away . I would suggest a shared parenting . Aspergers form a very good parents and Teachers and are extremely fair.
It is your misfortune that that you did not know how to deal with an Asperger since it is important to intellectualise emotions rather the go into strong emotional mode and you have to appeal to an aspergers sense of logic and intellect rather then emotions .
To educate this group Asperger Syndrom is not a pyscological problem but a neural difference and one must not forget that major scientific advances have been made because of aspergian traits rather then the emotional neurotypical Traits.
Respect wishes of your asperger husband & work out a parenting template with him which is based on logic someone replied. if u think that ur husband is going to be of no help financially, then it is useless returning to him. also u said that ur husband and in-laws were saying that they don't want a child. is this is so, then u can urself understand how much help they will give u. instead returning to them might worsen the situation as u r already worried abt ur son now and then u will also have to face them. it will just add up to the tension and agony u r going thru. the final decission shud be urs but please think logically and then decide. i know it is easier said than done but still...
also, if at least those ppl were interested they shud have tried to sometimes enquire abt ur son(if not u) in 5 yrs. or maybe is it that they know that he will need money and so r showing disinterest?
but personally i feel that any father or any grandparents who are not concerned abt their only son(or grandson) for 5 yrs will not be of ANY help.
may god help u and provide u strength. king uncle replied. You have to make an assessment based on your past experience about your husband and his family and then decide about going back.If u feel he would not improve then please do not go back.U can opt for the second option of remarriage.I feel at some point of time u always need a partner for emotional and physical reasons.Look for the right person.It is difficult to explore this option when you are at a crisis in life due to illness of the child.If u need financial support for yuor child u can approach certain NGOs.
All I want to say is ,look at life from larger perspective ie.how do u want it to be ten years from now and beyond.Then go ahead to work on the direction u take for your life.

Please fight Neelam and don't give up.I pray to god for your internal strength and happiness and well being of your child. king uncle replied. Dear neelam,
U are in avery difficult situation and there is trouble in both the directions.but life poses difficulties to all of us in different proportions.you appear to be a brave girl.Please continue to fight the situation.try to think as to why did you move out of your husband's life.I am sure it was for better life for you and your child.Going back would completely put back the results of hardships u face.Life with dignity is most important and for that no comprimises should be made.You should go back to your husband is you feel that there is even 50% chance that u will be better off.Why don't you take haelp of your parents.If u stay with your parents your son can be looked after by even hiring a male servant.Try to explore the option the option of remarriage.The world has its share of good and bad people.Find a good person.But think from head not from heart.there are a lotof people who would show empathy but would be looking for physical gratification.
take care Neelam ! don't give up.There is light at the end of tunnel.
My best wishes. Simmi replied. Hey Neelam,

I am sure u will be better off w/o ur hubby. I know its easier said than done but you will have to try harder regarding ur own financial situation so that u can take care of urself and ur kid.
It will get worse when you reunite with ur hubby and in-laws. their behavior towards ur son will really make you more miserable.

With ur husbands pschological condition there is not much he can do and far as ur in-laws are concerned if they dont want their grand-child just imagin how it wud be when ur son is theie and they treat him the same they treated you. will be able to take it.
think abt it before you make any decision.

dont let ur parents give u the idea of giving up ur child to some who cannot take care of himself.

Living alone is hard have you given anythough abt getting married again. there are lot of people who in the same situation looking for a life partner.

All the best and take care yes replied. i have afriend who she has faced similar sutuation like you.but she says
now she does not feel need of her husband more.but she is trying just to her financial problem.she want to be self independent economocly.she is satisfied with her singleparrenthood.if she can why not yu?yu must become financially independent at least.yu feel lonlyness?keep ingaged with work yu like most.talk like minded friends,chat people like us.i want to be beside yu.yu will lke it.