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5-Point-System
Criticism
Children don't take easily to criticism.
Very often they turn defensive, angry and start sulking. This in turn angers
you further, causing you to yell at them and insist that they "better learn
to accept criticism, or else. "
Here are five points you should keep
in mind when criticizing your child, so it leads to constructive and not
destructive criticism.
Be Specific
If your child has behaved in an irresponsible
manner, for example, if he has not passed on an urgent message to you,
don't get started about how he has to start learning how to be responsible.
Save the lecture. This time, just sit him down and tell him that because
he didn't pass on the message, no one reached the airport on time to pick
up grandma, and she had to come home all alone in a taxi, pay a lot of
money and pick up all her bags herself. Poor grandma! First, concentrate
on the particular situation at hand. Don't launch into an immediate personality
attack.
Come Up With a
Solution
But instead of coming up with a solution
yourself, let it come from your child. Now that your child knows what he
did was wrong, ask him to come up with a solution so this doesn't happen
again. In the example given above, the solution is simple. A nice message
board with a bright felt pen attached should do the trick. Let the suggestion
come from him. Ask your child if he will forget to write messages down
once you've given him such a nice board. Better still, take him with you
and let him choose a board himself. This will make him feel more involved.
Suitable Time
When criticizing, sit down and have
a heart to heart with your child. This will take some time, so choose a
time which is suitable. Don't interrupt him when he's watching his favourite
television show. Speak to him when he's free and in a reasonably cheery
mood.
Discuss
Make sure your child understands
what you are trying to tell him. Ask him to repeat what you just said,
and ask him if he agrees with you. Take his opinion every step of the way.
Let it be an open discussion that you are having with your child. Make
sure your child is not taking it as a personal attack. Sentences like 'You
always mess up! When will you learn!' should be avoided at all costs.
Draw The Attention
to Yourself
Instead of saying, 'Why didn't you
call and say you would be late,' try saying, 'I was worried because I didn't
know where you were, and if you were alright.' Remember, when you are criticizing
your child, and if you want him to learn from a certain experience, it
is imperative you talk WITH him, and not TO him.
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