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Do
you spank your child?
Willingly or
unwillingly, parents tend to beat their children as a disciplining measure.
However, latest research confirms that spanking perpetuates violence in
children and lowers their self-esteem. Here are some alternative strategies
that can help parents to avoid spanking.
Parents often
beat and slap their children, quite oblivious of the fact that spanking
perpetuates violence in children. But latest scientific research confirms
that spanking teaches children to use aggression as a means to achieve
their ends. It has been observed that children who have been spanked are
more prone to low self-esteem, depression and acceptance of low-paying
jobs.
It has been
observed that parents beat up their children only out of their inability
to do anything else. They regret slapping the child but cannot think
of any other positive disciplinary measure. According to the International
Network for Children and Families (INCAF), parents can take recourse in
many positive strategies for improving a child's behaviour.
Here are some:
-
Do not spank,
remain calm
If a parent loses control over his or her emotions, the child is very
likely to play with them. Therefore, silence is the buzzword. Just leave
the situation and calm down, as that will help you to gain self-control.
-
Take time off
for yourself
Parents are more prone to use spanking when they haven't had any time
to themselves and they feel depleted and hurried. So, it is important for
parents to take some time off for themselves to exercise, read, take a
walk or pray.
-
Be kind but
firm
Another frustrating situation where parents tend to spank is when the
child hasn't listened to repeated requests, especially if the child is
taking things lightly. But the best solution is to bend down to your child's
height, make eye contact, touch him gently and tell him, in a short, kind
but firm phrase. Do not display your helplessness.
-
Provide choice
Giving your child a choice is an effective alternative to spanking.
``Would you like to stop playing with your food or would you like to leave
the table?" If the child continues to play with the food, ask him or her
to leave. Allow the child to come back only when he or she obeys.
-
Explain logical
consequences
Do not threaten your child with physical punishment. Explain your stance
logically. If you beat him after he breaks a neighbour's window, you might
stop him at that moment. But, he might hide such mistakes from you later,
in order to avoid getting beaten up. Instead, ask the child to take responsibility
for the broken widow pane.
-
Make-up
When children break agreements, parents tend to want to punish them.
But, allow the child to make amends. Give him or her enough time and opportunity
to carry out corrective measures and win your confidence.
-
Avoid conflict
Children who sass back at parents may provoke a parent to slap. In
this situation, it is best if you withdraw from the situation immediately.
Do not leave the room in anger or defeat. Calmly say, "I'll be in the next
room when you want to talk more respectfully.''
-
Inform children
ahead of time
A
child's temper tantrum can easily set a parent off. Children frequently
throw tantrums when they feel uninformed or powerless in a situation. Instead
of telling your child he has to leave his friend's house in a moment's
notice, tell him that you will be leaving in five minutes. This allows
the child to complete what he was in the process of doing.
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