Listed below are some of the most common reasons women opt to stay on in abusive marriages along with some suggestions on how you can cope.
You are financially dependent on your husband
If the only reason you are with your husband is because you are financially dependent on him, remember, leaving him will entitle you to alimony and a share in his property. If you are serious about getting out, first, get a job. Once you have an income, you can walk out of the house at any time. You can then file for a divorce and demand alimony.
You fear he will never give you a divorce
If you fear your husband may never give you a divorce, start collecting proof of your husband's abuse. The best way to do this is through email. If your in-laws have mistreated you, instead of calling your husband and complaining, send him an email. You will have his response in writing. Similarly, start communicating with your in-laws by email. In this manner you can build up proof of your abuse and when you file for divorce, your husband's lawyer too will advise him to give it once he sees the proof you have against him.
You're afraid of what may happen
If married abroad, familiarise yourself with the laws of the country you are in. In the US for example, the day your get married, you and your husband are 50% owners in your husband's house. If your husband's parent's names are mentioned in the house papers, they may own it jointly too, but as long as the house is wholly or partially in your husband's name, you own a share equal to that of your husband. Thus although he may threaten to throw you out if you 'misbehave', he cannot do so. And if he does throw you out, call 911 for assistance. They will guide you, and will help you file for maintenance. No matter what happens, you will not end up starving on the streets.
You have children
Having children should not be a barrier to getting you to leave him. It is healthier for you to raise the children on your own as a single parent than it is to subject them to regular fights. Witnessing violence at home can cause untold damage to a child's personality.
You are afraid of being alone
First, find support through friends and online communities. One way you can combat this fear of being alone is by building a social support network. Join a class, take up a job or start a new activity. Seek out like-minded people.
You cannot imagine being divorced - anything is better than that
You don't have to get a divorce if you don't want one. Go in for a separation, which keeps the option of returning open. Walk out with your children, hire a good lawyer and demand that he pay maintenance, including rent for the apartment you are staying in. Once your husband lives without you, he will see the value you bring to his life and will get a sense of how much you do for him. Making payments to you will also pinch. Also, sub-consciously your husband will develop respect for you. Chances for reconciliation do exist, and many a woman who has walked out has walked back into a happier marriage.
