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Fatherhood
- Sangeeta
 Jaya
is a frustrated new Mom. Once the baby admirers had departed, she was left
alone to cope up with her exhausted and weak body and a newborn who now
dictated the household schedule. To make matters worse, her husband, who
was equally overwhelmed by the entire experience, had begun behaving in
a bizarre manner, at times even distancing himself from her and the baby.
Fathers too need
help to adjust
Jaya is not alone. Becoming a parent
takes a little bit of getting used to - for both partners. The only difference
being that the changing roles of the 'new Mom' is widely acknowledged,
while that of the 'new Dad' oft goes unrecognised. Yet, he is the one who
has to get used to taking the back seat, while shouldering all the new
responsibilities. The sooner the couple understand that the father, Nitin,
needs some time and space to get used to the drastically changed routine,
the better it is for the couple and baby.
Parental responsibilities
are increasing
With the changing face of families
from the traditional joint family to nuclear families, the physical and
emotional strains of new parenthood also increase, as couples have to cope
with new responsibilities, by themselves, and without help and time-honoured
advice from the elders. The outcome of all this is that romance and sex
take a backseat and all the communication revolves around 'baby' topics.
This often creates an awkward situation, and a strain on the marriage.
The best way for the couple to cope would be to get Nitin involved in the
caring and raising of the baby. This will not only strengthen the bond
between husband and wife, but will also help raise a healthy and happy
child.
The profile of
the father is changing
The traditional profile of a father
is still that dad works all day, comes home and spends a few hours playing
with the kids at night, before having dinner and heading off to bed. It
is generally believed that the caring and raising of children is best left
to women. However the 'Millennium Age Dads' are changing and challenging
this tradition. They are stepping in as real caretakers with their infants
and toddlers, and are doing very well! Also research shows that active
fathers who help in caring and raising their child create healthier and
stronger marriages, and their children are well balanced.
Infants derive
comfort from fathers too
Fathers have that special advantage
over mothers, with the distinctly deeper tenor of their voice and 'the
rise and fall rhythm' of their chest. Babies derive comfort from the vibrations
of the male voice, and also from the warm feel and throb of the father's
chest, which straightaway lulls them to sleep.
Tips on getting dad more involved
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The role of a father is just as important
when it comes to raising children. It is imperative that mothers give fathers
certain responsibilities. Dads should try and watch all those TV shows
which encourage father-child bonding, and should refer to books on 'infant
care' or 'fatherhood'.
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Couples should discuss and communicate
anxieties about the newborn.
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Sooner or later, as dad gets more involved
in the upbringing of the children, he will realise the importance and significance
of this involvement.
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You as a father should try and draw
out your own memories of childhood when raising your children. What did
your father do right, and wrong? Learn from your own experiences.
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As a wife, you could demonstrate to
your husband how the newborn responds and relates to moms and dads differently.
As much as the baby needs the tender caress of his Mom, he also craves
for the reassuring, firm touch of his dad. Whenever your baby is in a good
mood and recently fed, leave him in the care of your husband. Encourage
him to interact with the baby, and guide him subtly if he still finds it
difficult to bond with him. Try to discover the ways to make your baby
gurgle with joy, and share these pleasures together.
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Don't dole out advice or rush to comfort
the baby everytime he cries. Let dad console him.
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Give father and child him time and space,
so they can work out their relationship and equations by themselves. Your
husband will device his own ways of taking care of the infant and coping
up with situations. In fact, you will be encouraged by the reassuring tips
he will come up with, which somehow never occurred to you.
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What a new dad hates most is watching
his newborn cry, and being unable to soothe him or not knowing how to.
Most dads avoid participating in infant care due to this very sense of
helplessness and of being overpowered by feelings of inadequacy and distress.
Help your husband overcome his uncertainties and master the techniques
of baby care.
Remember, a father who is actively
involved in his child's life (not just financially) by shouldering responsibilities
and contributing to decisions on child-raising, plays a tremendous role
in determining whether the child will grow up having strong family ties
and a healthy, well-balanced attitude, or not. Such participation not only
lays the foundation for a healthy bond between father and child, but also
leaves the mother with more time on her hands for other work - and play!
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