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Teaching
Your Child to Share
Shockingly selfish
Swapna Anand
was mortified by her two-year-old daughter's behaviour when she took her
to play with a friend's child. She says, "Initially, the two children were
just playing side by side without really interacting. Then my friend's
daughter began to play with my daughter's toy telephone and all hell broke
loose. My daughter started screaming till she was red in the face. Then
there was a tug-of-war between the two children for the toy and I just
didn't know what to do. To make matters worse, my daughter insisted on
taking one of the other child's colouring books when we went home."
The above incident
is one that almost every parent experiences with their children. Yet, they
can't help but wonder at their children's selfishness and entertain doubts
if they will grow out of this type of behaviour. Parents have a tendency
to evaluate children's behaviour from a lofty adult viewpoint. However,
if they questioned their own parents they are bound to find similar selfish
incidents in their own past.
Sharing is not
instinctive
The fact is
that children are not born with an innate sharing instinct. Very young
children have not developed the ability to view the world and the things
in it from anyone else's point of view other than their own. There is no
specific age when children magically become unselfish and willing to share.
Sharing is something that develops with maturity and every child matures
at his or her own pace. However, the right environmental influences can
give them a nudge in the right direction. Children learn to share more
quickly in a household where adults give and take and exhibit cooperative
behaviour. Some children take longer to share than others because they
have the kind of temperament that is resistant to change.
Tips on teaching
your child to share
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Do not make your
child feel like she has a character flaw by labelling her as selfish and
warning her that her behaviour will result in her having no friends.
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Accept the fact
that there are some things that your child will just not be willing to
share. In such a case, when you invite other children over to play, help
her identify those toys that fall into the 'hands off' category and put
them away before the other children arrive. In this way, you can pre-empt
skirmishes over toys.
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Your child must
be aware that just as she is possessive about her things, she must learn
to respect other's possessions too.
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Lay down some
ground rules at the start. For instance, tell her that she will only be
allowed to invite other children over if she shares her toys. Or, you can
tell her that she will have to share the new video game with her brother
or forfeit playing with it at all.
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Create situations
at home where your child will have no alternative but to share. For instance,
if another child has come over give them one set of crayons between the
two of them.
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Show your child
that you can share too.
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If your child
is having a hard time sharing, you may need to supervise her playtime and
encourage her to share.
-
Praise your child
every time she shares or makes an unselfish gesture.
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