|
Helping
Your Child Control Anger
By Dr. Pervin Dadachanji
You're hoping for a nice, quiet afternoon.
Your toddler finally settled down for a nap and your oldest is happily
attending first standard. However, you receive a phone call from the school.
"So much for happily attending school," you sigh after hearing the news.
Your child was just sent in from recess for fighting.
When you pick him up, he explains
that he just couldn't help it. He got mad because Rohit said he was ugly.
You've taught him that fighting is wrong, but you've also taught him that
it is wrong to call other people names or to do things that would make
them feel bad. But what if someone does something to make him feel bad?
How should he handle his anger?
Answering that question may seem
difficult for a parent. Your child is bombarded with messages teaching
violence as the way to handle anger, but you want him to be better than
that. Fighting is not the way to express displeasure. When teaching him
how to handle anger, it is vital that you don't unconsciously teach him
that anger is wrong. Your child must learn that all of his feelings are
normal, acceptable, and universally experienced. Even anger.
He may think that because he is angry, he is a bad person. Feeling a certain
way does not make him good or bad. The only thing that will make your child's
emotions good or bad is the way they are handled.
Children Expressing
Anger
Anger is the most difficult emotion
to handle, especially for young children. Your child is just beginning
to understand and label the way she is feeling inside. Children express
anger when they are frustrated with something or get their feelings hurt
by another. Children cannot distinguish feelings from actions, so when
they are upset, they bite, hit, kick, or scream. In order for your child
to calm down, you must express empathy, warmth, and support. As your child
grows, he will begin to link cause and effect to his emotions. She may
still want to hit and kick when you won't let her have a cookie before
dinner, but she also knows that if she follows through with these feelings,
she will not be allowed to watch TV. So, instead, she uses her verbal skills
to cry out, "I hate you!"
As a parent, you want your child
to be comfortable with what she is feeling, and also to express those feelings
properly. Anger is not acceptable when it is expressed violently. Therefore,
you must teach your child how to express such an intense emotion in a more
acceptable manner. As a parent, it is your responsibility to teach your
child that while it is OK to be mad, it is definitely not OK to be mean.
Causes of Anger
There are many potential causes of
anger and aggression.
Victims: Some children who
are too aggressive have been the victims of aggressive behavior. Abusive
parents, siblings, or peers can be imitated by the abused. Children who
are "picked on" or abused by others surely do pick on other children. However,
it is dangerous to assume that all aggressive children are abused themselves.
Overindulgence: If children
are accustomed to get what they want when they want it, they may become
verbally or physically aggressive with other children when their wish is
not immediately granted. They may even bully their parents and siblings.
Roughhousing: Aggressive behaviors
may also be imitations of play for some children. Rough housing and fun
teasing may be defined as love for children, and hitting and touching become
an automatic way of interacting. They may not understand they are being
aggressive. If this is so, curtail aggressive play.
TV and Video Games: Sometimes
children's programmes involve as much aggressive behavior as adult ones!
Parent Sabotage: Another important
source of aggressive behaviors is parents who are not parenting as a team.
If a parent takes the child's side against the other parent, aggressive
and manipulative behavior is often the result. This is because the child
is given more power than the other parent. This especially happens during
or after a divorce.
Inner Anger: Sometimes children
have inner anger because of something that has gone wrong in their childhood
that they do not understand. Adopted or foster children, who have been
neglected as infants, children involved in predivorce arguments, children
whose parents have serious medical problems, all could be acting out their
unconscious unhappiness and frustrations.
Illness: Hearing, visual,
or intellectual deficits that children cannot explain to parents can cause
frustration and lack of understanding that result in angry and aggressive
behavior.
To add your views on
this article or read others comments Click Here
Back to Previous Page
More on Raising Children Index
Email this Article to a Friend
|
