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Bridging
the Generation Gap
My child thinks
I'm her enemy
Parents, when their offspring enter
the dreaded teen years, look back nostalgically on the days when their
children hadn't learned to speak yet, were cute and adoring, and hung on
to every word that their parents said. One day, puberty happens and
the sweet angels of yesterday begin to act like their parents are their
worst enemies.
Kamini Sundaram says, "I don't know
what's come over my daughter, Padma. She's always arguing with me about
the silliest things. A single day doesn't go by without her screaming at
me and storming out of the room. I don't know how to deal with her. In
my day, I was not allowed to raise my voice to my parents."
Jacob Abraham is as confused about
his son, Vivek. He says, "I've always wanted to give my son the best of
things, but his demands never seem to end. He's constantly asking me for
money to go out to pubs and discos and to buy the 'latest' clothes. If
I say no, he makes me feel like a tyrant and says that none of the other
parents object."
Being 'grown up'
isn't all fun and games
Teenagers are a mass of confusion
as they sit on the fence between their childhood and adulthood. Growing
up can be quite scary. While being 'grown up' has many attractions, the
responsibilities that go with it often come as a nasty surprise. For instance,
teenagers want to stay out till all hours of the night, but when it comes
to waking up in the morning in time for classes, it's a different story.
Parents must make them understand that if they want to party hard, they
must also work hard.
My child is ashamed
of me
Parents may feel a little like discarded
old shoes, as friends become all-important to their children. It's not
unusual for teenagers to go through a phase when they feel ashamed of their
parents, afraid that their might not live up to their friends' standards.
This can be very hurtful for parents, but they shouldn't take it personally.
Just be cordial to your children's friends and maintain a distance. However,
do not brook any discourteous behaviour for your children.
I want my freedom
Teenagers are always talking about
their freedom, usually in context of how their parents are obstacles. The
minute you give children a curfew, or object to their clothes or hair,
or do not allow them to go away for the weekend, you become the evil dictator
who will never understand. Suddenly, 'generation gap' becomes a buzzword.
It's as if one day you and your child find yourselves on opposite sides
of the fence and there's no meeting ground. Each one feels that the other
is speaking a foreign language.
Age is more than
a number
However, parents don't realize that
if they were to throw in the towel and let their teenagers run wild without
any supervision, it would be a truly frightening experience for their children.
Teenagers may not know it or admit it, but they need their parents to guide
them about what's right and what's wrong. This is one area where age does
matter and no matter how things change, parents should go with their instincts
when it comes to deciding that some things are just not done.
Communication
is the key
This is the time when teenagers try
to become individuals in their own right and try to move out from under
the protective wing of their parents. They will try out many things in
order to be 'in' with the crowd whether it's smoking, drinking, wearing
skimpy clothes or even losing their virginity. This is not the time to
play the great dictator and alienate your children. Talk to them, but don't
talk down to them.
The way to do it, is not by making
yourself out to be the enemy and coming down on them heavily for every
transgression (and there will be many). Try to lay down the ground rules
right in the beginning. It is difficult for anyone to interpret the teenage
mind, but try to convey the fact that you're on their side. Parents tend
to forget that they were teenagers too once and their self-righteousness
doesn't win them any points with their children.
Most parents tend to forget that
babies do grow up someday and when the time comes, they must let them go
and find their own way in the world. You can't protect your children forever
and they won't thank you if you try to.
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