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The
Traumas of Moving House
Living like nomads
Vijaya Pai's husband has a transferable
job. She says, "My children have had to change three schools in the last
six years. We're expecting to move again next year. We have no choice,
but I'm seriously considering sending the kids to boarding school so their
education doesn't get disrupted."
Gayatri Lekhi's father was in the
navy and her education was spread over ten different schools. "I hated
moving and I begged my father to change his job several times. I really
envied people who'd lived in the same house all their lives and had friends
who'd been in kindergarten with them. In hindsight, may be it's taught
me to adjust to any situation, but I can't say that I enjoyed it."
It's tougher for
younger children
Most people think that younger children
find it easier to cope because they are too young to form deep attachments
and move on to new things easily. The general opinion is that teens have
a tougher time letting go. In fact, it is just the opposite. The coping
mechanisms and social skills of teens are much more developed. So even
if they are the most vocal about their feelings, it is the younger children
that are more vulnerable and need greater reassurance from their parents.
The best time
to move
Some parents think it a good idea
to move during vacations so that their children will have time to settle
down. Other parents like to get their children out of the way when they're
moving so that there is one less thing to worry about. But both these approaches
could backfire.
In the first place, it might be difficult
for your children to make friends during vacations because most children
will be away and it may difficult to find an opportunity to meet other
children. If they start school a few days after the move, it makes thing
easier for them because they're kept busy for the better part of the day
and they meet other children their age.
The problem with sending children
away while you're moving is that if they're not there to be part of the
move, they are even more disoriented and find it even more difficult to
accept as real when they come back to a perfectly set up new home. It's
as if it all happened when they weren't looking.
Be prepared for
the whining
Moving may be hard on parents, but
it can be harder on their children. Nobody can possibly enjoy packing up
their household and having to adjust to an unfamiliar environment every
few years. However, most adults can grin and bear it because the benefits
are obvious to them like a promotion or a pay hike, but these things are
meaningless for children.
Children do not exercise any such
restraint and are usually very vocal in their protests about being uprooted.
For them moving means leaving behind everything that is predictable and
familiar - their home, their friends, their school - and having to go off
into the great unknown with no guarantee that it's going to be any fun.
So the minute parents announce that it's time to move again, the whining
begins. And it doesn't stop till a few months after the move has been made
and the children have begun to find their feet.
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